


Year 6: One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

by VioletKnox



Series: The Lion, The Snake and The Locket [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive, Yule Ball (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-08 10:42:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 76,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21474685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VioletKnox/pseuds/VioletKnox
Summary: You find Severus on the Hogwarts Express reading a peculiar new book. Reading together, you notice the air surrounding you both has changed.
Relationships: Severus Snape & Reader, Severus Snape/Reader, Severus Snape/You
Series: The Lion, The Snake and The Locket [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1512518
Comments: 95
Kudos: 283
Collections: Snape and Reader Collection





	1. Reading Buddies

Sixty seconds. You, and the rest of the late comers, had sixty seconds to get onto the train heading to Hogwarts before its doors sealed shut, leaving the muggle world for a much more magical kingdom. You clutched the ticket in your hand and ran towards the wall separating platforms nine and ten, feeling your heart pump hard against your chest. Once you emerged to the other side, you quickly grabbed your luggage and ran onto the train just in time before the train’s horn echoed through the station and took off. Pushing yourself through the crowd, you started to peer around, looking into each compartment. If only you’d caught the earlier bus to London, perhaps then you wouldn’t be stuck haling around your bags, trying to get past the first years eager to explore their first taste at their new school.

Reaching near the end of the train, you finally spotted the raven-haired boy you’d been looking for. He was dressed in an oversized black shirt, no doubt a hand-me-down from his father, and a pair of washed out jeans that had begun to tear at the knees. Predictable as always, you’d found him in the fair corner of the compartment with his nose buried deep in a book. Smirking to yourself you slowly opened the door, careful not to disturb him. First time you’d met he was already in his school uniform. Last year, you’d managed to snag a compartment before him, thus marking the first day you’d ever seen him in muggle clothing and judging by how quickly he’d changed into his uniform, muggle wear was definitely not an aesthetic he fancied. But this year, he’d diverged. He had plenty of time to change into those black and green robes before you arrived, and yet he’d chosen to stay in the clothing he’d put on that morning.

Severus looked up from his book to see the girl he had gotten so close to over the last few years, smiling at him by the door. Finally. Just on time too as some measly first years had clearly been eyeing the empty seats across from him the last few minutes, pacing the hall, trying to devise some sort of plot to force their company on him. Naturally, he wouldn’t have allowed it either way. Still, it was an encounter he’d rather have avoided seeing as how hexing students probably wasn’t a good way to start his sixth year at Hogwarts.

“Hey Severus.” Your soft voice filled the enclosed space, withering into his core like sugar dissolving in tea.

“(Y/N).” He felt so flustered all of a sudden. Funny how he’d been dreaming of this very day, this very encounter all summer, yet in the present moment, he’d gone completely stiff. His mind filtered all thought of starting a conversation as if he hadn’t played out what he’d say to you ever day the past month.

Looking back down at the words on his page, he tried to resume reading while you put away your luggage, but that was no good either. The ink had gone fuzzy as his focus shifted back to the girl across from him, standing on her toes with her arms stretch, pushing her bags into place.

Finally sitting down across from him, you sighed in relief as your adrenaline finally began to die down. Peering over, you noticed the book he was reading didn’t display the usual scuff marks, chipped corners and yellow pages you were so used to seeing in his hands. This book was new. But all his books were always second hand, so where had this one materialized from?

“What are you reading?” you asked curiously.

He noticed you examine the crisp detailing of the cover and knew you were wondering where he got it from.

“It was a gift from my mother. She slipped it into my bag right before I got on the train.”

“What’s it about?”

Severus shifted in his seat and cleared his throat before responding.

“I just started it,” he replied, his eyes returning to the pages on the book. You paused for a second examining him. Even his demeanor had changed. Had something happened in the past month to cause such drastic changes? Well… it didn’t really matter to you anyways. In fact, it was kind of refreshing to see him acting so much softer and less agitated with life.

“Can I read with you?” you asked nervously. If his attitude had changed, perhaps his tolerance had too, you thought. 

Severus looked at you before replying, searching your face for something he couldn’t quite explain himself. Once his gaze landed on your wide eyes, he scooted over, knowing how much you liked the window seat, and flipped back to the front of the book. You eagerly jumped up and seated yourself beside him, taking one side of the book. You both read together in silence for a few chapters before you spoke up and shared your thoughts on the book. It was quite the read and you could definitely see why his mother had gifted it to him. It was an intensively detailed analysis of the history of Potion Making. One you’d never seen or even thought of reading before. It shed a lot of light on certain techniques you’d never been able to understand until now, though, of course, it wasn’t really anything too new to Severus. Still, it was detailed enough to enlighten even him, giving you both the chance to have quite an in-depth discussion on the topic. 

You talked for a while before Severus took out a bookmark, marking the page you both were on and put the book away.

“How was your summer?” he asked you.

“It was okay. Kind of boring really. You know me,” you gave a giggle. The smirk he gave in turn told you he very much did know you, all too well in fact. “I was made Quidditch Captain actually! A letter from McGonagall was sent along with the usual Hogwarts letter.” You looked at him enthusiastically, so proud of yourself for retrieving such a rewarding price for all the effort you’d put in last year. “Glad summer is over though, I missed Hogwarts.” You smirked and looked down at your hands before whispering “I missed you.” You could feel your cheeks heat up in embarrassment. Had you really just said that? You wanted to tell him how you felt, you did, but you were afraid that if those words spilled out of you, he’d be appealed, ruining the friendship you’d worked so hard in gaining. “How was your summer?” you asked in return.

“Fine,” he shrugged, clearly not wanting to talk about it. He never enjoyed going back home and never liked talking about it either. “Congratulations on making captain.”

Your lips twitched as you eyed his hands, sitting gently on his lap. Slowly snuck your hand in his palm and intertwined your fingers with his, giving a small squeeze before settling. “Thank you,” you whispered.

A part of you half expected him to pull back, but to your delightful surprise, he didn’t. In fact, you felt him squeeze your hand in return, making your heart race and your minding filling with all sorts of unrealistic lustful thoughts as you smiled at him.

You spent the next few hours talking about everything and nothing at the same time. The compartment simply filled with jubilation energy, both of you feeling so comfortable and content around one another, it just didn’t really matter what you talked about.

Last thing you remember, you were staring out the window of the Hogwarts Express in the company of the only person at school that you trusted. Lifting your head, you blinked a few times before your eyes focused when you felt a light nudge on your shoulder.

“(Y/N)? (Y/N) wake up, we’re almost there. We have to change into our robes.”

Rubbing your eyes, you looked around and realized you had nodded off on his shoulder. “Sorry,” you mumbled, sleep still hovering over you like a heavy blanket as you quickly stood up, doing your best not to stumble over. “I guess I was more tired than I thought.”

“That’s okay,” he gave you a little smirk. Truth be told, he was enjoying your silent company and definitely wouldn’t object to more moments like this.

You both began to take out your robes from your luggage before he spoke once more. “I’ll let you get changed first,” he said as he closed the blinds and went to open the door.

“I trust you won’t look then,” you gave him a smile, his hand freezing, ghosting over the latch of the sliding door. His face tinted pink as his hair fell forward when he turned his back to you as you reached to remove your shirt. Finishing up, you noticed his robes neatly folded, ready for him on one of the seats and just couldn’t help the urge that overtook you as you grabbed his tie. Placing a hand on his shoulder, you let him know you were ready to switch positions. “Your turn.”

Severus saw the green and silver tie, obviously belonging to him, in your hand but said nothing. Instead, he made his way to the rest of his uniform as you took his original spot facing the door. Once he finished getting dressed, he turned towards you. “I’m going to need that tie you know.”

You giggled as you turned around and unraveled the tie, the silk of the fabric running between your fingers. Pausing you looked up at him as you bit your lower lip, wondering how far he’d let you go with your little shenanigans tonight. He’d been patient enough thus far, what would it hurt to push a little more?

Severus opened his palm in front of you, gesturing for you to hand it over wondering why you’d simply stood there with no notion of fulfilling his inquiry. You decided however, to deny his request and instead stepped forward, throwing over his head and around his neck carefully while pushing his hair aside. You smiled to yourself as he stood there, let you tie it.

Just as you finished, you let your hands slide down and rest on his chest as you looked up into his dark eyes. If only this moment would last forever, you thought. But as the train came to a stop you both detangled yourselves from each other’s gaze and reached to put away your muggle clothing. He opened the door for you as you went to grab a small book out of your bag, tucking it into your robes. Staying close to one another, you walked off the train towards the carriages. It was important you cherished moments like this as the segregation of the Hogwarts houses forced you two apart more often than you liked.


	2. Unwanted Encounters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Sirius come to talk to you before Dumbledore announces the special events that are to take place this year.

The second you stepped foot in the Great Hall, the sea of yellow, red, green and blue split, filing into their respective corners, reluctantly including you and Severus. It broke your heart to separate from him this way, all because of a choice a bewitched hat made when you were eleven years old. It was absurd really. What kind of character would one have developed by that age? Giving each other one last glace, you shot him a shaky smirk before heading to find a seat at your table. You always sat alone during meal times, never really clicked with any of your Gryffindor peers and though Severus would usually accompany his own Slytherin friends, you noticed this time, he’d opted to mirror your direction and sit right across from you. Taking a seat, you caught his eye and quickly gave him a smile as he settled into his own seat. You weren’t sitting together, but it was the best you could do under the circumstances. Reaching into your robe, you went to take out the book you had stashed away, when you heard some familiar voices calling out for you.

“Oi, (Y/N)! So, you’re team captain now?” You turned to see your team’s seeker, James, staring at you, arms crossed, and jaw clenched. Jealousy was a colour that did not look good on him. Though you imagined he wasn’t used to being denied what he wanted and thus didn’t know how to accept such news. It would definitely explain his completely inappropriate obsession with Lily and the lengths he’d go to, trying to pursue her. He just couldn’t take no for an answer. 

You sighed heavily as you turned to faced him. “James,” you spoke lazily, “Charming as ever I see,” you just couldn’t be bothered to reply with the warm tone you’d usually give. What was the point when you knew whatever you said, all you’d receive in return was hatred and an immense amount of coarseness.

“Not as charming as me I hope,” your head spun back around to your left to see that Sirius had found a seat next to you. Great. What a lovely way to start your sixth year. Your leg began bouncing in annoyance as you debated on how to avoid the rest of this conversation. Looking up, you noticed that Severus had been glaring at you and your companions; his focus on James was so combative, it could burrow a hole right through him. _Why were __they_ _talking to you_?

“Please just leave me alone,” you asked the two boys hovering around you. It was worth a try.

James ignored your request and instead proceeded with the conversation he started. “So, I assume this means I’m off the team? Are you going to ask _Snivellus_ to be the new Gryffindor seeker?” Oh jealous _really_didn’t look good on him. “You know maybe you should ask Dumbledore to join the sorting ceremony this year so you can go play for the house you’re truly loyal to.”

You heard Sirius chuckle, “What do you even see in him anyways? I mean he’s a Slytherin! A greasy freak who-”

“Enough!” you exclaimed, jumping to your feet. “Who I spend my time with is none of your business. And as for you,” you said, turning to look at James, “I, unlike you, have more important things to worry about other than petty grudges. You’re a good seeker James and I very much doubt I’ll be able to find a better one. So, you will most likely stay on the team if you show up when I hold trials.” Your face burned red with rage. You could understand James’ concern with being kicked off the team as you weren’t exactly on the best of terms with him, but what he was doing, attacking you and your friendship with Severus like this, was really quiet a pathetic display of his inability to take a loss. You stood up to face James granting a reaction from Sirius as he made his way to his feet as well, taking his place alongside his best friend. You lowered your voice as you took a step towards him, “Question my loyalty for Gryffindor again and you will lose more than just your position on the Quidditch team.”

You turned to look at them both before giving them one last demand. “Leave Severus and I alone and we will do the same. There is no need to finish our last two years at Hogwarts on sour notes. I suggest you both go find your seats,” you nudged your head towards the other side of the table where you saw Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew staring at the three of you.

You took your seat before the boys left you to join their friends, your patience at an end. You felt nauseous. All you wanted to do was run out of the hall and talk to Severus, to hug him and let him know you didn’t care what those gits thought. But alas, dinner had yet to even begin and you weren’t about to make a scene now. Instead, you settled for some light reading as you finally took out your book and opened it to where it was marked. Before you began to read, you looked up towards Severus who had yet to break his glare on you. The look in his eye had changed yes, resonating an emotion resembling anxiousness than anger, but you could tell he was still on edge.

He felt the biggest urge to stand up and demand what happened, to know what exactly Potter said to you, but he never got the chance to even think of how to make his way over to enemy territory as Dumbledore stood up, bringing order to the room. He gave his usual beginning of term speech, but then began to explain the special events that were to occur at Hogwarts this year, bringing everyone’s full attention, including yours, to him.

“We are lucky enough this year, to hold the Triwizard Tournament right here at Hogwarts,” said Dumbledore. “As a consequence of this special event however, Quidditch this season, is cancelled-”

“What?!” you whispered a little louder than you should have. But as you looked around, it was clear you weren’t the only one in shock as most of the Quidditch players were also startled by the news. _You finally make captain, and this happens._ Quidditch had become such an important part of your life, you just couldn’t imagine going the year without it. When else would you get the chance to zoom around on your broom, leaving your worries behind? It was the only thing that kept you grounded at times, an escape your books could never give you.

Devastation seeped in as the sorting ceremony began, flying right past you; the voice of professor McGonagall blurred in the background as your thoughts ran wild. Couldn’t they have simply held this ridiculous even alongside Quidditch? Was there still time to convince the Headmaster to reinstate Quidditch this year? You completely lost yourself in your thoughts, completely unaware the first years had all take their seats as food suddenly appeared on the table before you. You’d in fact become so distracted, you completely forgot about the conversation you had just had with Sirius and James.

Severus saw how upset you were and _did_ understood why. You’d always been so passionate about Quidditch and you’d worked so so hard last year to earn the spot of Team Captain, but he couldn’t lie, he felt a bit of elation settling in his chest as this meant he could potentially spend more time with you this year, not to mention the fact it would cut down on the time you spent around Potter. A bonus he’d be sure to take advantage of later.

It took you a moment to snap back to reality as those around you began reaching for food, each with the clear intension of testing the capabilities of their plates, but there was no point on dwelling now. You might as well eat and try and get your mind off of your dilemma for now. Your appetite was sparse, but as you read your book, your mind finally ventured off from the subject of Quidditch and into something a little less destressing. Occasionally, you found yourself looking up towards Severus only to see that the sour expression on his face had not changed since James and Sirius came to talk to you. What was he so worried about now? He didn’t think you’d swap your chance at winning the Quidditch cup for the Triwizard Cup, did he? Because you surely had no interest in such a competition, though… perhaps he did?

Though he definitely had the skill and talent for it, you never really imagined Severus in such a spotlight. He never seemed one for attention, though if he had his eye on that prize money, it would explain why he carried that unsettled look on his face. If you were correct in assuming his interest in the thousand Galleon reward, surely he understood his chances of winning, let alone becoming Hogwarts’ Champion was less than slim. But that couldn’t be it could it? Two years you’ve known him and not once did either of you make any sort of comment to lead to such an assumption. There had to be something else you were missing. 

As dinner came to an end, everyone started heading to their dorms, the entrance to the Great Hall crowded as red, yellow, green and blue mixed together once more. Just as you were about to turn left and head to Gryffindor Tower, hoping to dream away the sharp pain in your gut, you felt a hand grip your arm. Turning around, you were met by none other than Severus who still wore that stern look on his face.

“What was that all about?” he asked you. Looking at him puzzled, you tried shuffling through your thoughts, seeking for whatever it was Severus referred to. Your silence testing his patience, but he stayed collecting, giving you a hint as to the answer he was looking for. “Potter,” he stated simply.

You’d been so focused on Dumbledore’s announcement, the earlier conversation you’d had with James and Sirius had almost completely faded away, as if it never happened. But the memory of the dreadful encounter cam flooding back the instant Severus said James’ name with such resentment.

“It was nothing, really. I dealt with it.” You turned to leave but his grip just tightened on you. Looking down at your arm, your brows shot in surprised. James and Sirius had been less than kind to him over the years, so you understood his reluctancy and knew how it must have looked to him, staring at the three of you from a distance, unable to hear the repugnant words exchanged, but you’d never imagined it warranting such a reaction from him.

“Severus, you don’t have to worry, I handled it,” you pulled your arm away from him but could now see it wasn’t anguish he felt. He wasn’t upset over the missed opportunity of winning a thousand Galleons, nor was he anxious about your earlier encounter with James. He was worried over you.

“Just…Just tell me what happened.”

Looking into his eyes, you sighed. “Fine, we have an hour before Herbology tomorrow. I’ll meet you at the astronomy tower after breakfast. I’ll tell you then.” You placed your hand on over his shoulder in comfort, hoping he’d let you go. His eyes flickered as they peered into yours, clearly agitated for the lack of answers he’d received. But nevertheless, he still nodded his head in agreement as you gave him a quick smile before heading your separate ways.


	3. Skipping Breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You meet Severus after breakfast in the astronomy tower and discuss the conversation you had with James and Sirius the previous night.

Stepping into the Great Hall, ready to devoir any pastry you could get your hands on, your eyes instinctively went to scan the Slytherins across the room as usual, searching for the familiar head of slick black hair. Slowing down, you stood at the edge of the Gryffindor table, feeling almost lost, as if you’d just walked into unfamiliar territory. Severus wasn’t there and his absence had broken your usual morning routine, leaving you feeling misplaced. Odd. He was always first to show up, _you_ always finding a place across _him_, not the other way around.

Taking a seat, you kept your eye on the door hoping to see him walk through those big doors when your attention suddenly snapped back to the table before you, the smell of the freshly baked croissants and muffins capturing you like a moth to a flame. Reaching for the nearest plate, your hand hovers over the English biscuit as your head turning back to the door anxiously. _Where is he?_ Everyone had begun eating, yet Severus was nowhere to be found.

Peering back down at the all those scrumptious looking treats, you quickly decided to grab what you could, stuffing them into your robe before placing a chocolate filled croissant into your mouth and stepping over the bench of the table, heading towards the door.

The conversation you’d had with him last night rung in your ear as you made your way to the courtyard. You couldn’t get the idea that he’d felt much more passionate about the interaction you’d had with Sirius and James than you thought. And if you knew anything about Severus, it was his inability to let things go. Quickly scurrying into the astronomy tower, you hoped your instinct was correct and he’d simply made his way here to met you instead of joining the rest of the population for breakfast.

Sure enough, the second you opened the door, your eyes landed on Severus standing over the ledge of the balcony, hands on the railing, peering down at the castle.

“You missed breakfast,” you said bringing his attention to you. Severus turned and saw you standing there, as if appearing out of thin air.

“So what happened yesterday?” he asked, avoiding your concern at his lack of interest in food. His demanding tone set you off a little as you took a step towards him. You could tell he was anxious, just as you’d predicted, unable to let go of what had happened yesterday evening.

“Severus, you need to eat,” you said taking out a muffin from your robe and stretching out your arm to hand it to him. 

“Stop avoiding my question (Y/N)!” he said, pushing the food away. Frowning, you took his hand and lead him to the corner where you took a seat, pulling him down with you. 

“Eat, and I’ll tell you,” you said calmly. Severus looked at the food in your hands before peering up at you with an annoyed look on his face. Knowing you were too stubborn to let go of the ridiculous notion of eating breakfast, he finally took the muffin and began nibbling at it in defeat. Beaming triumphantly, you began to tell him what had happened last night when James and Sirius approached you.

“James thinks that I won’t let him on the team now that I’m Captain. Not that it matters now anyways since Quidditch is cancelled.” A look of longing splattered over your face as if you were talking about a loved one you hadn’t seen in years. 

“What did Black want?” he asked with a mouth full of food, ignoring the disappointed tone in your voice. You looked up at him, his eyes so focused on you and your words, his brows furrowed in such a concentrated way. You weren’t stupid, you knew what he was after, what he wanted to hear, you just weren’t interested in talking down or complaining about others, even if they did cause you to hurt.

“He was just accompanying James, you know the two of them never go anywhere without each other,” you said as you looked down at your lap, your fingers playing with the laces of your shoes. 

“There’s something else,” Severus said, swallowing his food. “Tell me what he said,” he demanded. You looked up at him in irritation. If you didn’t want to revisit the memory of last night, then you shouldn’t have to, especially not for the purpose he was after.

“It’s nothing,” you mumbled, “Really Sev. They were just acting like the gits that they are. Nothing I can’t handle.” You tried to give him a reassuring smile, hoping it would put a stop to this uncomfortable conversation, but you could tell its effect were less than convincing as his rage became quite apparent after he finished his food. 

“What did he say to you?” Severus couldn’t help his attitude despite the fact that he could see your evident despair as he spoke to you. Potter had always been cruel to him, ever since the first day they’d met on the Hogwarts express, and Black had done nothing more than join his friend in his crusade to make Severus’ life a living hell. But the idea that they’d shifted their aim towards you was something he just couldn’t stand the thought of.

You sighed before giving in, hoping that he wouldn’t overreact when you told him. “Just the usual rubbish about me betraying Gryffindor.”

Severus shook his head in anger, but as you grabbed his hand and he looked into your softened eyes, he couldn’t help but relax his tensed shoulders, feeling his spite towards Black and Potter melt away. Taking a deep breath, he slowly curled his fingers around your hand in return, feeling a small tug at the corner of his lips as he admired your caring touch. 

“You sure you handled it?” he whispered, worried that your encounter with the boys would lead to something worse.

“Yes,” you replied softly. You smiled, genuinely this time as your free hand went up to brush hair out of his face, your fingers gently following his hairline. You paused after tucking his hair behind his ear as your eyes met once more. Quickly retreating your hand from the cusp of his silky hair, you prayed he hadn’t noticed the accidental flirtatious move you’d just made. “I’m sure that it’ll all cool down until next year when I hold trails and James realizes I’m not out to get him.”

“Wait,” he said pulling back from you, his lips twitching in surprise, “you won’t bring him back onto the team will you?” 

“He’s a really good seeker Severus, I’d be really stupid if I kicked him off the team,” you started, “Unless I find someone better, yes he’ll play next year.”

“Why would you do that?” he raised his voice, unable to comprehend why you would treat Potter with any sort of kindness. “After everything he has done. Everything he has done to you nonetheless, why would you give him what he wants.”

You frowned in disappointment as Severus let out a huff of frustration. Of course, you hadn’t forgotten everything James and his friends have done, the pranks the comments thrown your way, even more so directed towards Severus. But to throw such an opportunity to waste, to abuse the power you’d received as Team Captain, was an absurd expectation, even if it did stem from the hatred you knew Severus felt towards James.

“It’s not about me Severus. It’s about what’s best for Gryffindor and if that means James staying on the Team, then so be it.” It was clearly that Severus didn’t understand your point of view as you could see his anger bubbling to the surface again. “Look, Sev,” you quickly tried to reason with him before the argument you could see coming broke out, “we can’t bully them in return. That’s not the answer. It would only make the situation worse if I showed any sort of bias during trials.”

“But if he wasn’t on the team, you would see less of each other,” he tried to convey the benefits you could take advantage of from being Captain, picking who you pleased. He could only imagine what he would do with such power if he were in your place.

“I highly doubt that. He’s still in Gryfindor remember. Besides, if I kicked him off the team, he would probably torment me more than usual to get back at me. Is that what you want?”

His shoulders dropped, realizing you were right. Knowing Potter, he’d dedicate the year to making your life a living hell if you took away the one thing that gave him the praise he seemed to so desperately crave.

“No,” Severus softened his gaze as he suddenly felt the overwhelming need to protect you wash over him at the mention of harm coming your way. “Of course not. It’s just-” he looked down, trying to think of any other logical reason to get back at Potter without opening the possibility of some foolish battle breaking out between you all. “I guess you’re right,” he whispered. 

Giggling you lifted his chin, seeking to capture his gaze as you give him a gentle smile. “It doesn’t change anything,” you said softly, caressing his cheek, “We’ll be out of here in two years’ time, and we don’t ever have to see any of them again,” you said optimistically.

Scoffing at you comment, Severus found himself unable to detach from the enchanting grace encircling your eyes. He continued to lose himself as he felt your fingers lightly graze across his skin as his cheeks burned red in fluster, wanting to hold you in his arms and tell you everything he felt., dreaming to hear you felt the same way. But he couldn’t, not when there was a chance you’d feel appalled by the idea of being with him, ruining your friendship as he did with Lily. He didn’t want to lose you too, but he couldn’t help but wish that the opportunity would come and one day both find yourselves as more than friends.


	4. Fairy Tales

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After pondering on how to get Severus to ask you to the Ball, you decide to flirt a little, hinting at what you desired of him.

It wasn’t long before you felt the urge to hop on a broom and fly around the castle overtook your thoughts like a virus corrupting your memories, only leaving those of Quidditch untouched. It was all you could think about when you woke up, during class, even as you spoke to Severus, all you wanted to do was drag him out to the underutilized pitch outside and toss around a Quaffle with him. Everyone else had been buzzing frantically about the Triwizard Cup and the upcoming first task. Not to mention the Yule Ball of course. It seemed to you as though you were the only one completely devastated at the lack of sporting events held this year, and that had you feeling all the more bitter.

Slowly, you found yourself leaning into the comfort of keeping Severus company and eventually, any thoughts of Quidditch melted away, replaced with the thought of spending time with him instead. Like nature taking its course, all the free time you received migrated from Quidditch to reading or talking with Severus. Surely there was some benefit to be gained from your shift in schedule this year or perhaps the change in your school routine was some mystical sign coming from up above. Whatever it was, it definitely grasped your attention, pushing you to notice just how flirtatious Severus seemed to be around you. Funny how you couldn’t remember feeling so flustered around him before. 

Was it your overactive imagination, fooling you into thinking he’d lean in just a little closer as you read together, or that he’d find any excuse to hold your hand? That his touch, skin cold in contrast to yours, was so feverish it sent shivers through your entire body. The look in his eyes enchanting you when the corner of his lips twitched into that subtle smile he gave each time he saw you.

It was hard not to doubt your instincts that told you he returned your feelings for him, brushing them off as hope. Still it didn’t keep you from living in this fantasy world where you imagined him harboring something for you rather than the logical fact that you merely felt this way because you had been spending too much time around one another. But reality, never letting you enjoy the glimmering world in your head for too long, always kicked you awake each time you heard whispers of excitement for the Yule Ball, or mummers exchanged at lights out in your dorm.

It had become especially difficult to fall asleep lately, conversation of dresses, shoes, flowers, dates lingering in your mind as they died down, the girls from which they steamed floating under their sheets, finding sleep within mere minutes. Christmas seemed worlds away to you and yet that feeling settling in the depths of your stomach had you feeling panicked. You couldn’t show up stag, not when it seemed half the school had a date and how would it look, the sixth year Gryffindor Quidditch Captain with no date. 

“He hasn’t asked her yet,” you turned over in your bed, staring blankly at the red curtains encapsulating your figure. Just one night of rest is all you’d asked for, one night filled with silence rather than these endless, meaningless discussions exchanged between some of your dormmates. “But apparently he’s had his eye on her since he arrived.” You recognized the girls voice, she’d been babbling on about the same rumor the last few nights, but you could never place her name. 

“I hear she’s a Hufflepuff on the Quidditch team,” her friend sounded almost excited as if she could be referencing herself. Odd seeing as how she is neither on the Quidditch team nor is she a Hufflepuff.

“No, I heard it’s a seventh year Ravenclaw.”

Shaking your head, you roughly pulled the pillow from under you, plopping it atop your head and enclosed your hands over the silk fabric, hoping it would muffle the sounds of chatter around you. What did it matter who the Durmstrang Champion asked to the Ball? All these rumors were a pathetic verbalization of the dreams of shallow Hogwarts students hoping for Prince Charming to arrive at their footsteps and whisk them away into a life full of nothing but love and joy. Didn’t they know, life, real life, is no fairy tale.

A frustrated groan escaped your throat as you tightened your hold on the pillow; the conversation was clearly far from over and you were no doubt in for another restless night. You tried to think of something else, anything at all, but the idea of the Ball had been sewn into your brain so well, it was hard to find a loose seam to pull. When you’d bought that dress from the second-hand store back in Cokeworth as instructed by your Hogwarts letter, you never imagined this is what you’d be using it for. You thought perhaps the sixth years were invited to the graduation ceremony for the seventh years, or perhaps some sort of celebration was put in place for your successful achievements in your O.W.Ls and the beginning of your N.E.W.Ts. Never did you imagine yourself pining over the need to find a date for such a luxurious school event. 

The reality of your situation was really what stung you most. Not the fact that no one had asked you yet, but because you knew it didn’t matter if they did. There was only one person you wanted to accompany you to this Ball, and you weren’t even sure if he wanted to go, never mind with you. Nerves overcame you, your courage always cowering in the corner whenever the thought of bringing it up with him lingered in your mind. You had once asked him to Slughorn’s party as friends and he used it as an opportunity to seek out time with Lily. But if he’d had any inclination of asking her, he would have mentioned it now, would he not? He never turning down an opportunity to talk about her, not until recently anyways. But if he wasn’t going to bring up this Ball, then that burden had to fall on you. You had to either swallow your fears and take the risk or accept the possibility of spending Christmas alone. 

What words would you mutter when talking to Severus? You couldn’t ask him to go as friends, this wasn’t some celebration thrown by a professor, this was different. This Ball was a once in a lifetime event, an opportunity to pull your fantasy world into reality and make your debut as a couple. 

The next morning, you found yourself walking to the astronomy tower with Severus, pondering over the conversation you overheard in your dorm last night. As your thoughts wandered, your imagination running wild as the image of accompanying Severus to the Yule Ball fluttering to the surface of your mind, you couldn’t stop yourself from smiling up at him. You knew that dream was well out of reach (at least for now), but a girl can dream, can’t she?

Finally stepping outside the gates enclosing the courtyard, you quickly took a look around for any prying eyes. At least in seclusion, if you made a fool of yourself, no one but Severus would witness it.

Testing the water before diving head first, you brushed your fingers against his, holding them steady as you waited for a reaction. Your fingers danced around his as he curled them with your movement, giving you the boost of confidence you need to start the conversation you’d been dreading to have the last few weeks.

“So, have you thought about who you’ll take to the Ball?”

Well that was bluntly horrific, but your emotions got the better of you as you eagerly and nervously awaited his response.

“Umm,” Severus shifted his gaze to the ground nervously, his hand tapping out of the little game you’d been playing as it lay lifeless to his side. Swallowing hard, praying you hadn’t just ruined two years of friendship, you made your way up the stairs of the tower, “I’ve-I’ve thought about it.”

“Oh?” Your head shot back at him in surprise. Did this mean there was someone he hadn’t told you about, or that he’d simply avoided telling you about his plans to ask Lily or… “Who are you thinking of asking?”

You carefully watched him, examining his expression and body language, hoping that if he didn’t answer the question, you could at least extract some sort of response from him.

Severus let out a puff of air before lunging in front of you, sprinting the last few steps up the stairs and held the door open, waiting for you to step through as he bowed his head, allowing his hair to hide his flushed face. You smiled at him as you step inside the room and made your way over to your usual spot. 

You couldn’t see his face through his hair, but you could tell your question had him flustered. Deciding to spare him the agony of embarrassment, you steered the conversation in a direction a little less exasperating.

“My dress is second hand,” you said, “I’m trying to update the style a bit with a few different charms, but it’s taking longer than I’d anticipated.” 

Severus began suggesting a few spells as he took a seat beside you. Listening to his husky voice, you smiled, unable to really focus on the charms he mentioned while he opened his bag and retrieved some books to begin studying. Some of the spells he spoke of you’d already used and some you recognized the name of, but it didn’t really matter, you’d only used your dress dilemma as an excuse to keep him from feeling put on the spot. The last thing you wanted was to push or pry, especially now that you he’d given you such delicate information. Perhaps there was hope after all.

Taking his queue, you reached for your own bag and opened up your Transfiguration book, but the words on the page were lost on you. Your mind once again wandered, grasping a that fantasy lingering at the back of your head, tugging it forward as if it would push it into reality. It felt wonderous to be immerged into this world you thought had a chance of seeing the light of day, like you were setting up the scene, preparing yourself for what was to come. But Severus was so reserved, so shy. He’d been in love with Lily for how long now and he’d completely neglected to make any sort of move. He had to be afraid of rejection, of ruining your friendship. It was the only explanation you could come up with for his attitude. If only he could see the thoughts flickering in your mind right now, he’d know he had nothing to fear. 

If it came down to it, you would ask him yourself, but you had to give him the chance. You couldn’t let this fear always get in the way of any possible growth, he had to overcome it and step out of his boundaries. Plus, you just weren’t sure you were ready to run the risk you’d read him wrong and he in fact had someone else in mind.

The time for breakfast came rather quickly, you’d naturally made no progress on the paper you had due in a few days, spending the better half of the morning enveloped in your thoughts. Severus quickly stood up and offered you a hand, helping you off your feet as well. You knew he would never do such a thing if you were in the library which, you guessed, was why he had insisted on moving your morning study sessions to a more secluded location, nothing you minded of course. It was rather pleasant having such a spacious area all to yourself.

As you gazed up at him, gripping his hand, you suddenly noticed the want in his eyes. _Has his eyes always sparkled like that?_

You felt your heart pump faster as you pulled him in and gave him a quick kiss on the check. When you stepped back, making circles on the back of his hand with your thumb, you noticed that the small smile that had been present on his face had faded and was instead replaced by the same flushed face you knew he wore earlier that morning. His gaze locked on yours and you wondered if you’d stepped too far, if your little act of encouragement was a mistake, but nevertheless, you held your ground and tightened your grip on him as you guided him out of the door. You didn’t let him release your hand until you had left the tower, knowing he would be uncomfortable if anyone saw you holding hands. 

Severus walked closely beside you, wondering why you had decided to peck him on the cheek like that._ Could she feel the same way?_

“I’ll see you in class,” you said, slowing your pace as you arrived at the Great Hall.

Severus couldn’t help as his lips twitched into a small smirk, loving the gentle tone in your voice. “See you,” he said as he made his way over to the Slytherin’s table. It was second nature for you both to eat meals apart, but as he’d come to know you, to fall in love with you, for the first time, he found himself wishing the school houses would disapparate and let him sit beside you.

You sat down at your own table, making sure to face Severus, both of you carrying the clear intention of stealing glances from on another throughout breakfast. You ate silently as you played over your little fantasy scenario in your head, the idea now expanding to spending nights together with you held in his arms, your study sessions turning into little dates. How glamorous would it be to date your best friend, how mesmerizing would it be to show up to the Yule Ball with nothing but love and devotion between you both. A dream made for fairy tales, one you could only hope would come true.


	5. The Mystery Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus musters up the courage to ask you to the Ball, making his way to the astronomy tower when he sees something that causes him to stop.

Severus clutched the singular rose in his hand. _This is stupid, _he thought, _there’s no way she’ll agree. This rose was a stupid idea, she’s not that kind of girl. _He froze in place as his free hand gripped the door knob. Shutting his eyes, he thought back to the endless days he’d spent laughing, smiling with you. You’d given him the one thing he thought he’d never see again after ruining his friendship with Lily. You’d been there for him, always supporting him, hearing him. You were his light and he wanted nothing more than to extend the favor back to you. This Ball was his chance. He couldn’t do anything about the cancelled Quidditch season, but he could at least try and brighten your mood, give you something to look forward to. You’d been whining so much the last few days about how no one’s asked you to the Ball, batting your eyes, smiling at him, it took him all he had not to blurt out the question he’d been waiting to ask on the spot.

Years went by with Lily and not once did he ever consider actually putting any of his plans into action, finally asking her out after pining over her for so long. He just never felt it right, never got over the fear of rejection. But this upcoming Ball, was such a perfect opportunity and he almost wished it had come sooner. But it was too late to pursue anything with his childhood crush now. It was all for the best. He could tell early on it wasn’t meant to be when she verged off with her Gryffindor friends the second they were sorted into their houses.

It had to be some miracle he’d managed to find someone else, someone he could see a clear future with. It was up to him now to take hold of the gift he’d been given and never let go. He couldn’t let you slip from his fingers, not again.

With a heavy breath, Severus twisted open the door and made his way up to the astronomy tower where you two had agreed to meet. He’d never felt so nervous in his life. He was putting himself out there, something he wouldn’t have dared to do before he met you.

Slowly walking up the stairs, he thought over what he was going to say to you. How he would hand you the rose and ask you to the Yule Ball. He was so afraid of your response. _What if she laughs at me? No. She wouldn’t do that. Not after the last two years._

You’d grown so close in such a short period of time, he knew you. He was sure the step he was about to take would weigh in his favor, because of the way you’d smile up at him, tuck your hair behind your ears, your shoulders rising as if you’d been nervously awaiting some reaction from him every time he’d sit down and chat with you. The way your eyes twinkled with the evening stars when you read together, your touch so light, almost heavenlike.

Eventually, he found himself only a few steps away from the door, but something, or rather someone, caused him to stop. He quickly took a step back, letting the height of the staircase hide his slim figure as he watched the unexpected stranger approach his destination. It was that Durmstrang Champion, Andrei Belov. What was he doing here? Severus watched as Belov entered the room you two had spent hours in bonding before sprinting to the now closed door and pressing his ear to the keyhole.

“Sev I- Oh, hello Andrei.” He could hear your tone change as soon as you realized it wasn’t him who’d stepped through those doors. “Sorry, I thought you were someone else. What are you doing here?” 

You waited anxiously as the Bulgarian took a step towards the window you’d been peering out of the last few minutes.

“Vell I heard you sometimes come vere, so I came to see you.” Andrei’s tone was so soft and warm, you almost felt bad for wanting to shove him out the door and tell him to get lost.

You smiled politely, remembering your manners as you kept the view the window offered in the corner of your eye. You couldn’t help yourself, you weren’t exactly here for a simple place to study, no. You were waiting for someone else to show up. Someone you now wished would come rescue you from this unwanted conversation you found yourself in.

“I vas hoping,” Andrei walked closer to you and took your hand. Shock overtook your body as you looked down at his hand encapsulating yours. “you vould accompany me to za Yule Ball in a few vonths,” he looked at you with a small hopeful smile and you suddenly felt yourself snap back to the reality of the situation. Your heart dropped when his words finally registered. You knew how appealing his offer was. He was very attractive and built well, plus, he is, after all, one of the three champions. But this wasn’t what was supposed to happen. It was all wrong. It wasn’t supposed to be _him._

“I-ah, I appreciate the offer,” you replied, pulling your hand away from him, “but I’m afraid someone has already asked me. And I said yes.”

“Ov course. All the pretty ones are alvays taken.” _All the pretty ones? _You weren’t sure whether to be flattered or insulted. But nevertheless, you smiled politely and hoped he would leave soon.

Severus felt his heart break in two. Who had beat him to it and why hadn’t you mentioned this mystery date to him? He didn’t know what to do, where to go. He surely couldn’t go in and talk to you now, not after hearing you already had a date. He dropped the rose in his hand and ran back down the stairs, pausing once he left the tower, unsure of what to do next. So many emotions were bubbling to the surface; heartbreak, loneliness, anger, betrayal. He couldn’t go back to his dorm, no, not when he felt this way. He started to make his way towards the lake, knowing how late it was, he assumed most students were probably on their way to the Great Hall for dinner. He’d be free of company at the lake, free to clear his head and forget the embarrassment he felt. 

Peering back out the window, you heard the door close as Andrei left you to your thoughts. Where was he? He was usually never this late. Leaning on the windowsill, you looked down, knowing you’d finally see movement disturb the mellow scene before you. _What if he really was going to ask you to the Ball, but had changed his mind?_ You two had spent so much time together over the last two years. He was your only true friend. The first friend you made at Hogwarts. The only person you would give your life for.

Finally, the door below opened and you watched as the figure left rather rapidly. He’d moved so fast in fact, you almost missed the fact that it wasn’t Andrei who’d left the tower. The person you’d watched sweep across the grass wore a green Hogwarts uniform. A Slytherin. His jet-black hair bouncing behind him, falling just above his shoulders with every step he took. _Severus._

But if he was in the tower this whole time, why didn’t he come in to see you? Why was he running away so feverishly as if he’d just witnessed the murder of a helpless animal? You could see him clear as day heading towards the lake, so you quickly grabbed your bag and made your way over the door with the intension of getting some answers and easing your worry. 

Closing the door behind you, you turned to quickly make your way down the stretch of stairs you between you and pursuit when a bright red drop of colour caught your eye. As soon as your vision focused on the strange misplace of colour, you realized it’s a rose. Picking it up, you wondered if Severus had come and he did indeed change his mind. _Was that why he’d stormed out of the tower without even saying hello? Did his nerves get the better of him? _Your eyes widened as the conversation you had with Andrei echoed in your mind. Severus always had the knack of jumping to conclusions and assume the worst, if he had heard your conversation with the Durmstrange Champion, he no doubt wouldn’t want to ask you to the Ball now.

You quickly made your way down the stairs, almost tripping over them as you frantically lunged towards the doors and bolted out of the astronomy tower. Sprinting towards the lake, you felt the thorns of the rose pinch your skin, spreading jolts of pain through your veins as you squeezed its stem. Your pace increased as you heard your own words replaying in your head _‘I’m afraid someone has already asked me. And I said yes.’_ It was like you’d spoken to Severus, unknowingly rejecting him and regretting it. But that wasn’t the truth, because that’s not what happened. You had to remember he hadn’t asked you, you hadn’t rejected him. There was still hope, you could still fix this. Finally approaching your destination, you slowed down to a walk as your eyes landed on the dark shadow crouched under the tree you and Severus would read under, feeling a bit relaxed knowing he felt safe enough to come back here.

Severus spotted you just as you walked up beside him, surprised by your presence but it was the rose in your hand that caused him to freeze.

“Hey Sev. I thought we were going to meet in the astronomy tower,” you spoke cautiously, careful not to antagonize or scare him. Examining his unreadable expression, you took took a seat beside him, deeming it safe to do so. 

“Yeah well, you seemed busy with that Durmstrang guy, so I figured I’d leave you to it.” He looked away from you as he spoke, shoving his nose back into his book. His tone was what gave away how he felt. The agitation, the annoyance, the anger.

“I sent him away as soon as I could. Severus, I waited for you. I was there to see you.” Pausing, you looked down at the rose in your hand, “Was this-was this meant for me?” you whispered, holding the flower up on display for him to see.

His eyes darted the rose, his head unturned and you waited for a response. But when he turned his attention away, you tried to push a little further. “Were you going to ask me to the Ball?”

Letting out a huff of air, Severus finally closed his book, turning to face as you as a grim expression washed over him.

“Please (Y/N), I heard everything you said. So why would I want to take a _slut_ like you?” His heart beat against his chest in anger, his mind clouding with regret. The same feeling he had when he called Lily that awful word. He’d done it once more. He could tell because the same look Lily had that day had settled onto your face, gazing at him with absolute hurt.

Your lower lip trembled as you struggled to fight back the tears. Standing, you felt your breath hitched when you opened your mouth, trying to find the words that sat at the tip of your tongue.

“I lied,” you finally let out, “When I told Andrei I had a date. I lied. I told him that because the person I wanted to go with hadn’t asked me yet!” You slammed the rose into the ground, each word you spoke tumbling over one another, spilling out of you like water gushing through a broken dam. “I was waiting for _you_ to ask me!” You barely got out those last words as your cheeks lined with tears. Having heard enough, you turned on your heels and ran towards the castle before the storm of emotion you felt bubbling inside you burst in front of him.

He called you a _slut_. After everything you had both been through, after you defended him to your fellow Gryffindors, he betrayed your trust in such a hurtful manner. By some miracle, you managed to make it to your dorm hiding the rest of your tears, but the second you collapsed on your bed, you buried your face into your pillow and cried until sleep relieved you of the pain the real world had inflicted upon you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I based Andrei a bit on Krum, I won’t lie, but I tried to give him his own identity.


	6. Mended Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus does his best to make a mends with you, hoping you will forgive him.

She wanted to go to the Ball with him and he ruined it. He ruined it like he ruined his friendship with Lily. It had played over exactly the same, except this time, the girl he’d pushed away had loved him back, had opened her doors to him only to have him slam them in her face. You’d left him by the lake with the rose he intended for you. To willow in the grave mistake he’d just made. Picking up the flower, he examined the petals that threatened to fall off, his anger simmering away, replaced with nothing but regret. The rest of it was mostly intact, salvageable at the very least, even after the reparative beatings it had taken today. He didn’t know how, but he knew he had to fix this.

With determination and a splash of desperation pumping through his veins, he got up from where he sat and made his way towards the Great Hall. Dinner had already commenced by the time he got there. The hall filling with cheerful noises of conversation between friends and professors while he stood at the entrance, frantically scanning the table across the from the one he belonged to. You weren’t there. He would have easily spotted you, but he still kept looking, hoping he was wrong. But you weren’t there. _The dorms,_ he thought, _that’s where you must have gone_. His shoulders dropped as his gaze fell to the floor in disappointment. There was no way for him to get inside, and after what happened with Lily, he couldn’t make a habit of camping outside the portrait of the Fat Lady. He’d have to wait patiently to catch you another time. At least it gave him the opportunity to think over what he would say. He couldn’t leave this conversation to chance like he did last time. He’d learned that rushing into such an apology could lead to more regretful words being spoken, and that was the last thing he wanted. Instead of joining his fellow housemates, he went to his own dorm, heading straight to bed as you curled up under the sheets, reflecting over today’s events and how he could possibly make it up to you.

The next morning, he went to the astronomy tower with the small sliver of hope that you would show up to their daily study sessions, but it was no surprise to him that you didn’t. Sighing, he closed the door behind him and fought back the tears. It had barely been twelve hours and he already missed you. Knowing how angry you must be with him, hurt. It pierced his heart and he knew it wouldn’t stop until he made it up to you. Perhaps this pain could serve as punishment until then. It could keep him grounded and focused on making it right with you. He made his way around the castle and searched every location he thought he might find you. His final stop was the Great Hall where breakfast had been served and as he searched the room as he did the night before, he began to realize just how hurt you were if you had skipped both dinner and breakfast.

But he knew your schedule, every class you took, every study break, he knew everything about your daily routine. He was sure that he would find you eventually.

The incident with Severus had struck you harder than you would have initially imagined as you puddled into a complete mess over the next few days, refusing to leave your dorm over the weekend and even skipping all your classes on Monday. A few of your housemates noticed and began to worry over you. Mary began sneaking food out of the kitchen, practically forcing you to eat as you attempted to shove her away, burying your face back into the small comfort your pillow offered.

“If you don’t want to tell me what’s wrong,” said Jessica, “You could at least eat. Please (Y/N), this isn’t healthy. You haven’t eaten in days!” Mary placed the food on your bedside table as Jessica attempted to pull the covers off of you.

“Leave me alone,” your voice was raspy, weak from all the tears you had shed. You knew she was right, that you had to eat but you couldn’t find the energy, or the will power to even sit up.

“If you don’t eat, I’m getting McGonagall,” Jessica threatened.

You paused, thinking about what would happen if your head of house saw you in such a state. She would surely ask you to explain yourself and you had no interest in sharing the little chat you had with Severus with anyone, let alone a professor.

“No don’t get her,” you said quickly.

Slowly, you let go of your covers and let Jessica tear them off of you as you tried to sit up. It had been so long since you had moved from your spot in your bed that your joints ached with every small move you made. Your head pounded as Mary pulled back the curtains around your bed, letting in the blinding sun you hadn’t seen in days. You pressed your palm against your temple as you shut your eyes. Your hair seemed to have formed a nest from the lack of care you’ve been giving it and your pillow was still damp from the fresh tears you shed a few hours ago.

Mary picked up a glass of pumpkin juice and handed it to you before pulling Jessica aside.

“You weren’t serious right?” she whispered to Jessica, out of earshot from you. “You’ll get McGonagall?”

“No, not yet,” she responded. “We got her to eat at least. Maybe we can convince her to go to class tomorrow. And if not, then yes, we’ll tell McGonagall.”

“My head is pounding,” you said as you downed the rest of the drink in your hand. “Do you think you could fetch me a pain-relieving potion from Madam Pomfrey, Jess?”

Jessica brought her attention back to you before heading to her trunk, rummaging through it. She threw you a small vial and you watched as it landed on your bed between your legs. You picked it up and read the label.

“It’s left over from last month when I asked her for some,” she explained. You popped open the potion and was about to down it before she spoke again. “You should eat first. It can have some really bad side effects if drunk on an empty stomach.”

You paused and looked down at the potion, realizing how right she was. It shocked you how you’d completely forgotten that it could burn a hole in your stomach if not drunk under proper circumstances. Tears gathered under your eyes as you remembered asking Severus about this potion during one of your study sessions. Your mind suddenly filled with memories of you both before the last few words he spoke to you began replaying.

Mary walked back to stand beside you and took the small vial, sealing it and placing it on your table. You wiped away your tears as you reached for the food instead, slowly nibbling on it, fighting the nausea as you felt your stomach fill up quickly. 

“How about we go for a walk?” Jessica suggested. 

“No.” you whispered before leaning back into bed and drinking the potion she had given you. “I don’t want to leave.” You felt safe here in bed, like the horrors of the world couldn’t touch you if you hid under your covers.

“Then how about we just sit in the common room?” asked Mary. 

A few moments passed and you found yourself sitting by the fireplace, surrounded by your Gryffindor mates, all happily chatting, trying to cheer you up. Your tears quickly dried up as you finally found yourself thinking of something other than Severus for the first time in days. They did their best to convince you to go to class and by lunch the next day, they found you dressed and ready to head to Charms.

You avoided Severus’ gaze during classes the rest of the day, throwing all your focus into your studies instead as a distraction. Soon enough, comfortable eased its way you’re your mind and lead you to continue your studies as you didn’t want to fall behind, but you knew that if he tried to talk to you, it would bring back all those negative thoughts and you’d no doubt find yourself falling back into the hollow abyss of despair. 

You somehow found yourself seeing a lot more of Andrei since he asked you to the Yule Ball. Every corner you turned, you feared of bumping into him as the last time that happened, he wouldn’t let you leave until Professor McGonagall threatened to give you detention if you didn’t head to class. Despite your luck with the Durmstrang Champion, you had managed to avoid seeing much of Severus thus far and after class, you would always hurry away back to Gryffindor tower before he could talk to you. However, as you left Transfiguration, you found Severus outside waiting for you, forgetting he had a free block that period.

“(Y/N) please, I want to talk.”

“I have nothing to say to you,” you replied, mimicking his usual cold demeanor.

“I’m sorry!” he said quickly. “I didn’t mean it (Y/N), I’m really sorry for what I said. I thought maybe you were just stringing me along. I didn’t think-“

“No, you didn’t! You didn’t think! You just jumped to conclusions like you always do! Sev, how could you possibly think I would ever try and hurt you like that after all we have been through!”

“I know, I’m an idiot and you deserve to be treated so much better than how I treated you. I’m sorry (Y/N). I really am so sorry. I didn’t mean it. I-I was angry, and it just slipped out. A-and I’m not trying to make excuses for what I did, but (Y/N), I truly didn’t mean what I said. You are amazing and beautiful and I’m so sorry. I really hope you can forgive me because… I would really like to go to the Yule Ball with you.” He paused and took out the rose he had wished to give you two days ago, looking down at the flower as he continued in a quieter tone. “If you don’t want to go with me, if you would prefer to go with that Durmstrang boy, then I’ll understand.” He looked back at you and took your hand, “but I would really like to show you how much you mean to me (Y/N).” He gently placed the rose in your hand, “please (Y/N), go to the Ball with me?”

You examined the damaged rose in your hand, all thoughts of yelling at him, finding a way to hurt him as he did you thrown out the window the second you heard his pleads. The flower you held wasn’t as pretty as it was when you first found it; a few petals looked as if they were about to fall at any second and a few others were bent incorrectly. As you looked back up at him, seeing the helplessness in his eyes, you felt pity and desperation emulating from the boy standing before you. Gently, you arranged some of the petals to their rightful place before answering him. 

“Let me think about it,” you whispered.

He nodded in agreement and left you to your thoughts. You wanted to forgive him, to go to the Ball with him, but you couldn’t get what he said out of your head. You understood he only spit out that word because he was frustrated, thinking you had flirted with him only to turn around and find someone else, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt, that didn’t excuse what he said. He did care for you, you knew that and you still harbored feelings for him, which made it so much harder to forget him. What were you supposed to do now? If you forgave him, you would be opening your heart to him, risking having it crushed again, but if you didn’t, you would likely lose him forever. You made your way back to your dorm and set the rose on the table beside your bed.

Each day for the next few weeks, passed the same way; you went to bed and woke up looking at the rose, thinking about your relationship with Severus and how long you had been waiting to show him just how much he meant to you. You felt so conflicted and unsure of how you felt after what happened between you two. On one hand, you wanted to put what happened behind you, to move forward and start a relationship you knew would blossom into something tremendously beautiful. But your heart held you back, telling you not to trust him again, not to put yourself in such a vulnerable position because what if his intentions weren’t as pure as he’d made them out to be. Or worse, what if he was simply using you again like he did with Slughorn’s party in fourth year? Deciding you had to talk to him one last time before giving him an answer, you set your rose back down on your table and went to bed, momentarily pausing your thoughts as you made plans to catch him tomorrow.

After lunch the next day, you made your way to the astronomy tower with the rose in your hand and found Severus with his face buried in a book in the same corner you would both normally sit together. When you opened the door he looked up, immediately put down his book and stood, wide eyed.

His quick movement shook you a moment, but you closed the door behind you as you eyed him a moment before speaking. “Hey,” you said softly.

“Hey.” He copied the same cautious tone you gave him. You took a few steps towards him, wanting to get all the answers you needed from him.

“So, I was thinking, about what you said to me. And, I want to forgive you Severus, I do.” You looked down at your hands. “But how do I know I can trust you again? How do I know you won’t turn on me again?”

Severus took a moment to think about how to reply. He understood your hesitation and understood why you asked him these questions, but he just wasn’t sure he could give you the answer you were looking for.

“Do you remember when we first met? I-I didn’t trust you back then. I thought you were like all the other Gryffindors. Like Potter. But you showed me kindness and compassion. I know I haven’t returned that favor, I know I haven’t been the most open person. But I want to show you that I can be. I want to show you that you can trust me. If you forgive me, I promise I won’t betray your trust again… I promise I won’t _jump to conclusions,_” you giggled at his last sentence. He hesitated for a second before kneeling to pick up a book from his bag. He took another moment tracing the outline of the front cover before speaking again. “I want you to have this.”

Your eyes widened as you recognized the book he’d handed to you. You’d asked to borrow it on many occasions and without fail, he had denied each request. It was a potions book, containing some rare mixtures. His mother had given it to him when he was young, and he never parted without it. It was the first book he’d grown to love, one that had been passed down from generations in his family holding the royal ambiance of the Prince family.

“Y-you’re _giving _this to me?” you asked in shock. “I can’t take this Severus! I know what it means to you.”

“Then you understand what you mean to me.”

A shallow breath escaped your lips as they twitched into a sincere smile at the gesture he made. Your heart fluttered at the feeling of the vintage leather beneath your fingertips. You couldn’t believe how much he trusted you, how badly he wanted your forgiveness. You stepped forward until you were only inches apart. Placing your bag and the book he gave you on the ground, you reached into your robe and took out the delicate rose before taking his hand and holding the flower between your chest and his.

“Ask me again,” you whisper, your eyes searching his and finding nothing but love. He raised his free hand, placing it on yours as you both held the rose in place.

“Will you go to the Ball with me?” he whispered back.

“I would love to go to the Ball with you.”

Severus held back the ball of happiness ready to burst in his chest as he let out a breath of relief. Smiling, he cautiously leaned in a bit wondering if he was overstepping, but you closed the distance between you two, finally locking lips with him. You both kissed like you hadn’t seen each other in years, noses colliding and lips hungry for each other’s touch. You snaked your arms around his neck, and he placed his on your waist in response. It was perfect and you couldn’t have asked for more.

When you finally parted, panting for air, Severus met his forehead with yours, giving you a genuine smile. This moment was the happiest he had felt in a long time and you couldn’t have shared in those feelings more.


	7. The Prince

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You make out in the astronomy tower with Severus 😉

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: ummmmm intense kissing I guess.. yeah that’s kinda all this chapter is so feel free to skip it if it makes you uncomfortable

Your first kiss in the astronomy tower was the water to the seed of your relationship with Severus, allowing it to blossom into something you never knew you could have. You quickly grew rather comfortable with Severus as you relished in each other’s company, feeling joyful every time you laid eyes on one another. Severus was clingy at first, determined to take full advantage of the second chance you gave him. He did everything he could for you; giving you his notes for class, held you as you read together, making sure you were comfortable, constantly complimenting you, he even went as far as to rewrite essays for you. It wasn’t until you asked him to ease off that he slowed down and opted to prove himself worthy through small gestures instead. 

Of course, the attention was rather nice. It felt good to have someone show so much love for you, so much care. And though you wouldn’t trade his adoration for the world, the quick pace your relationship took had you taken back. This was all a first to you and you were afraid that it would pass by too soon. The constant need to steal kiss, to spend every waking moment with one another was something you didn’t want to grow tired of.

After the last class of each day, you and Severus practically ran off for some alone time before dinner. Today was no exception as you both quickly packed up and left for the astronomy tower. The seclusion it offered was one you’d grown to appreciate, but truth be told, that room, the one offering the view of the castle and everything beyond, held a special place in your heart. It represented every happy moment you spent with one another, chatting reading. It was where you shared your first kiss and shared your hearts with one another.

Once inside the tower, you made your way to your corner and Severus opened his arms to you as you gladly cuddled up beside him. Once comfortable, Severus took out the book you two had been reading together and opened it to the bookmarked page. After an hour of reading, Severus felt your arm wrap around his waist as you began to nudge at his jaw. He put the book down when he felt you slowly kissing his neck, the flame in his stomach flaring in delight. Tightening his grasp on you, he rose his hand and tilted your chin up wanting to meet his lips with your own, but you pulled away and began to pepper him with kisses instead. You let your lips trail along his jaw before making your way back towards his cheek. Every kiss gentle and light like he’d been blessed by fairy dust. Finally, you left a small quick peck on his lips and paused.

Suddenly, you felt his hand move into your hair as he crashed his lips into yours. He gripped your hair tightly to keep you in place as you moaned into his mouth. Your reaction only slurred him on, wanting push further as he quickly deepened the kiss by tilting your head back while you slowly slid your hand from his waist to his chest. You felt his tongue swiping your bottom lip, asking for permission to which you quickly responded to by gliding your own tongue past your lips. You knew he wanted to take control, but you weren’t going to give up so easily.

Your tongues began to battle each other for dominance, occasionally slipping past one another. It felt as though your lips were glued together for hours, but eventually, you needed to part for air.

“Give up, Sev,” you whispered between soft chuckles, “You can’t beat me. I’m too competitive,”

“I beg to differ,” he whispered back before colliding your lips again, resuming the battle your tongues fought.

Your lips didn’t part this time until you felt Severus slip his tongue past your lips. You desperately moaned in pleasure as his tongue explored your mouth which gave Severus the boost of confidence, he needed to push you down, laying you on the floor as he hovered over you. He parted the kiss and moved his lips to the crook of your neck as he firmly planted his left arm by your aside, holding him up, the other made its way to your waist, pulling you closer to him. He began leaving marks everywhere his lips touched. Moving towards your ear, he whispered, “I win,” earning him a small chuckle from you.

He proceeded to kissing along your jaw as you tangled your hands in his long black hair. You held your breath when you felt Severus loosen your tie and undo the top button of your shirt to give him more room to work. As he got to your collarbone, you gasped and tugged at his hair; a small whimper escaped him, and he settled for sucking on that sensitive spot of yours. You pulled one of your hands out of his hair and dragged it down his chest, teasing him as you held it above his abdomen, letting your fingers ghost over his covered skin as it traced over the buttons of his shirt. Slowly, you dragged your hand back up as soon as you felt him lightly grind on your right thigh and reached to undo his tie instead. Just as you began to tug on it, he grabbed your wrist and looked down into your eyes.

“We still have a lot of homework to do, and you have three essays due tomorrow,” he whispered.

You whined in response. “You’re such a buzz kill,” you said as you pushed him off of you. Sitting up, you looked at him with a smile and the softest eyes he had ever seen. He got up and leaned in to kiss you one last time before heading over to his bag and taking out _Advanced Potion-Making_ and a quill.

You gave a happy sigh before reaching for your own bag to start the pile of homework that taunted you every night, when something in his book caught your eye. 

“Half-blood Prince?” you raised a brow in confusion. 

Severus blushed as he frantically flipped a few pages into the book. “My mother’s maiden name is Prince,” he mumbled. 

“Ah,” you smiled as the reference became clear to you, “So that makes you a half-blood Prince,” you said as you watched the curtain of hair fall over his face in embarrassment. You bit you lip, your smile growing as you edged closer to him, placing your hands over his arm. How cute was this. “So, I get the honor of being escorted to the Yule Ball by a real-life Prince?” you teased. 

You could tell he was uncomfortable as he began to hunch over, bringing his face closer to his book, but as his hair moved away from his face, it revealed a small smirk on the corner of his lips, your heart fluttering at the sight. It was rather endearing how he took his mothers name in such an honorable manor. 

“Don’t be silly (Y/N),” he said as he turned his attention back to you, “You know there’s no such thing in our world.”

No there wasn’t, he was right. But that didn’t mean you couldn’t pretended.

“Which makes you all the more special,” you whispered before giving him a quick peck on the cheek. Turning your attention back to your studies, you reached for your Transfiguration textbook and opened it as Severus eyed you, feeling his chest fill with lust. He couldn’t believe you thought so highly of him, which only making him want to please you more, showing you just how right you are. 

He felt nervous about the Yule Ball, but excited nevertheless. Since the day you had agreed to be his date, he had begun planning a small surprise for you, something he hoped would help show you how much he cares for you. Something he hoped would make the Yule Ball the best night of your life. He worked on fixing up his second-hand dress robes each day, hoping to look that part of the Prince you see in him. But most of all, he was sure to treat you like the Princess he knew you were, promising he would do so for as long as he lived.


	8. The Gryffindor Common Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First task of the Triwizard Tournament takes place and Severus asks you to accompany him, but you have something else in mind.

“You sure you don’t want one of us to stay behind?” two of the girls in your dorm were on their way out to watch the first task of the Triwizard Tournament, but you had informed them that you were too ill to join them, so they paused and hovered around your bedside before leaving, checking on you. 

“I’ll be alright Jess,” you weaseled, pulling the covers tighter over yourself. “Go have fun. And let me know how it went tomorrow morning.”

You watched as they closed the door behind them, then quickly through your blanket off of you, pressing your ear to the door, listening as they all left and once you heard the portrait of the Fat Lady swing shut, you knew you were finally alone. 

Making your way to the bathroom, you took a quick look in the mirror, fixing a few strands of hair as your lips slowly twitched into a sweet smile. You had dug up your favorite muggle outfit from the bottom of your trunk and were now staring at yourself wearing a nicely fitted shirt tucked into a nice flourished skirt that stops right above your knees. Smoothing out a few ruffles on your shirt, you made your way back to your room and sat on the bed as you tied your school shoes over your white ankle socks. Tightening your ponytail as you stood up, you left the dorm and peered around the common room, confirming that every Gryffindor had gone down to view the highly anticipated events down in the fields of the castle. 

Severus had felt pressured to attend the event by his housemates and hoped you would accompany him as he had no desire in partaking in his friends’ antics for heckling the other schools Champions. He would have much rather sat in your silent company, even if he was surround by crowds of insolent students. He was already nervous when he asked, thinking you may not want to spend your evening fenced by so many Slytherin’s, but when he watched as you pause, heavily debating on his request before ultimately rejecting it, his heart nearly stopped. You only surprised him further when you had insisted on meeting him at Gryffindor Tower instead. So here he was, awkwardly shifting in his place as he watched what he assumed was the last of the Gryffindor students head to the arena he had initially intended to spend the evening. 

As you popped your head outside the tower, scanning around, you found Severus hidden under a nearby tree and waved him over to you. He walked towards you with one of the most nervous expressions you had ever seen. Severus was a very calculated person. He impeccably planned what he would be doing every minute of every day, so you knew it must be killing him not knowing what exactly you had in mind for tonight. The simple fact that he trusted his precious schedule with you had you infatuated if not a bit jittery, hoping you wouldn’t disappoint him. You took his hand and smiled as you rushed back into the tower before anyone could see you. 

“Where are we going?” he asked anxiously as you dragged him up the stairs. He looked up at you as you simply shot him a quick smile before turning your head back, picking up your pace. 

“The common room of course,” you replied with what seemed like an eager tone in your voice. This answer seemed to only cause Severus to tense up as he felt his anxiety rise to a near breaking level. He struggled to keep up with you, wondering what on earth had gotten into you, hoping you hadn’t planned anything so inconspicuous as sneaking a Slytherin into the Gryffindor common room recklessly. 

“(Y/N), we could get caught-”

“Everyone’s gone to see the tournament. Don’t worry Sev, I’ve got us covered,” you threw him a wink before turning your attention back to the portrait in front of you. You bit down on your tongue, trying to keep from smirking as you were sure Severus felt completely unsettled by now. Finally arriving at your destination, you gave the Fat Lady the password and waited for her to let you back in.

“Back already?” she said annoyed how often her portrait had been flung open today. “And who’s this?” Her eyes shifted to Severus and you knew she was assessing him, trying to determine if he should be allowed past her portrait. Severus stared back at her uncomfortably as he tugged on his robes, trying to hide his green and grey tie and you noticed his expression harden defensively.

“Are you going to let us in?” you asked impatiently. 

She huffed and muttered under her breath before she let you through and you pulled Severus into the hole in the wall, opening to the common room. He hesitated before following you in, pausing as the bright colors splattered all around the enclosed space hit him all at once. 

“It’s… warmer than our common room,” he said cautiously as his eyes scanned the Gryffindor banners. He felt almost sick to be in here, but when he looked back at you, he realized why you had insisted on meeting him here instead of joining the rest of the school. You had the place all to yourself and it was definitely a step up from the astronomy tower, which did not have a fireplace encased by a comfy seating area. 

You pulled him towards the couch by the fire and motioned for him to sit as you quickly went back to your dorm, fetching the bag of food you had hidden under your bed. Severus slid his school robs off his shoulders and began rolling up his sleeves as the heat of the fireplace had him feeling a lot warmer than he was used to. You returned just in time to watch him loosen his tie and undo the top button of his shirt. Severus smirked as he saw your ponytail swing with ever step you took, your skirt bouncing along with you. He was never fond of muggle clothing, but he had to admit, he could get used to seeing them on you. 

“I snagged it from the kitchen,” you explained as you placed the bag of treats on the table in front of you. You took a seat beside him and suddenly felt your nerves prickling under your skin. You’d been alone with him before of course, but somehow, this felt more special, more intimate in some ways. The Gryffindor common room was the one place you had access to in this castle that he did not, and sharing it with him was something you didn’t expect to feel like a big deal, but right now, in this moment, it felt like you were sharing your home with him.

“Is this..” he hesitated as he peered at the food and the euphoric expression on your face. “A date?”

“No,” you quickly explained nervously as you shifted your gaze away from him. “Maybe,” you whispered, looking around the room as you fiddled with your fingers, hoping he hadn’t taken your advances the wrong way.

“Because,” he continued as he shifted closer to you. “I wouldn’t mind if it was.” he swept your hair away from your face as your eyes met. You tried to fight the smile that made its way onto your face, but your shy grin only caused Severus to smirk in return. 

“Then, yes. It’s a date,” you whispered before he leaned in, perfectly connecting his lips to yours. He parted the kiss soon after, but as you felt the need for more and pulled his shirt towards you. He tumbling over you as you reconnected your lips, stiffening in shock before your touch had him melting once more. 

You felt the warmth of the fireplace as your own body heated up from the passion you had burning deep inside you. Severus placed a hand on your waist, and you felt your urges overtake you as you straddled him. He tensed up at first, surprised by your actions, but soon enough, you felt his lips eagerly moving against yours, his hands slithering to rest on your back. 

Slowly pressing yourself against him, your heart began pumping faster, the thrill of being so close to him for the first time sent sparks of heat through your veins. Is this what true passion feels like? Growing up, you watched the older girls at the orphanage dating during your younger years, some switching partners every other week, and you would always ask them what it was like, listening to them intently as they shared their experiences with you. But all those stories, all that detail, never would have prepared you for what you felt now. You had always cared a lot for Severus, that you knew, but this feeling, the one you felt each time he kissed you, was new. It was something you had never felt with anyone before. Could this be actual genuine lo- _No_oo… it can’t, you’ve only been dating for a few weeks, it’s too soon to feel _that_. 

Severus moved his hands to rest one on your lower back while the other travelled up, tangling into your hair as he deepened the kiss. You tilted your head as you wove your fingers through his long locks that somehow felt less greasy than the last time you had buried your hands in it. Were you getting used to it? Or perhaps he was putting an effort into his appearance now that you were dating. 

You let out a small satisfied sigh as you thought about all the other small changes you’ve seen him make, assuming he had done so all for you that is. You first noticed it in his notes that he lent you. His writing was a lot neater as it appeared he had taken his time in printing them out for you, even leaving you small comments, just for you every now and then. You then took notice of his uniform which was always a lot more well-kept than his muggle clothing, but something had changed, and you couldn’t quite put your finger on it. Was his tie tighter? Did he use a spell to iron his shirt? Is that… a hint of _lavender _that you smell? 

As you parted, panting for air, you leaned back, resting your hands on his chest as you peered into his eyes that seemed ten times softer than before. Moving hair out of his face to examine the features of his face, you realized they seemed gentler to you now and every edge, every curve you laid your eyes on had your heart beating with excitement. Severus cautiously moved his hands to lay on your hips as he returned the gentle smile you gave him.

“So, what made you want to stay here with me rather than join the rest of the school to watch the first task?” he asked as you settled yourself beside him on the couch. You placed a hand over his knee, making soft circles with your thumb as he wrapped an arm around your waist.

You paused a moment as you thought your intentions were quite clear and wondered if Severus had reservation when he agreed to meet you here. You took in a deep breath as you leaned forward, grabbing the bag of snacks from the table in front of you and began to unwrap some lemon bars. 

“I just thought it would be nicer to spend more time with you,” you shrugged, “alone.” You took out a lemon bar and handed it to him before nibbling on one yourself. Severus reached over and took the bag from your lap, placing it on the other side of him. He hadn’t gotten the answer he sought as his old worries about having you accompany him with his own friends as company causing you discomfort returned. 

“You don’t want to spend some time with your… _Gryffindor friends,_” he asked. You were surprised to hear such a question as you knew he always hated seeing you around them. 

“Sev, they’re not _really _my friends,” you said hesitantly. “I mean, they’re nice and I enjoy talking to them from time to time, but we aren’t close.” You tilted your head to face him as you fiddled with the treat in your hand. “Not like I am with you.”

Severus smiled, flustered at the thought of you keeping him so close to your heart. He gave you a small content smile as he watched you finish your lemon bar. Looking down at his untouched pastry, he slowly raised it towards you until it was inches away from your mouth, offering you another. You sheepishly smiled at him as you peered into his eyes, taking a small bite before he took one of his own. 

You both ate, cuddled up to the warm fireplace as you talked some more, indulging yourselves in conversation as one of you would occasionally nuzzle the other with soft loving touches. As the evening passed, you felt relieved to see Severus silently praise you for choosing to skip the event the rest of the school had attended tonight. An hour later, you were reluctant to tell him your little date had to come to an end as you couldn’t risk the Champions finishing their task early and the rest of the school rushing back to the castle. He agreed and made his way to the door where he thanked you for the lovely evening, giving you one final kiss before hastily making his way out of the tower. 

You watched him glide down the stairs until he was out of sight, letting out a long happy sigh as you closed the portrait and cleaned up the remaining food you had laid out. As you were about to head up the steps to your dorm, you noticed a set of robes lying on the couch and realized they were Severus’ from the green lining on the inside. For such a calculated boy, he sure seemed to lose his head sometimes. You felt yourself floating as you made your way back to your dorm, nose stuffed in the robes you had gathered in your arms. _Lavender. _You changed into your nightgown before slipping back into bed, and as you closed your eyes, you reflected on the night’s events, thankful you got to share such a warm and homey ambience with someone you held oh so dear to your heart. 


	9. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Severus bicker over the robes he left in the common room last night.

Packing up your books, you shifted your gaze over towards Severus, wondering why he hadn’t brought up the school robes he had forgotten last night. In fact, you had spent most of the morning in silence. After some quick greetings, he simply stayed quiet as you read in his arms atop the astronomy tower. You thought that he would perhaps ambush you or expect you to return it the second you met, but when you made no such notion, he held his tongue which surprised you as you knew how possessive he was of his belongings. You slung your bag over your shoulder and waited for him to do the same as you opened the door to head to class. 

“So, will you be giving me back the robes I left in your common room last night?” _ahh, there it is. _You looked away from him, stepping through the door as you hid the sly grin on your face. Severus followed you, eyeing your movements as he had waited long enough and wanted his Slytherin robes back. 

“Oh, you want them back?” you began, throwing a bit of sass into your tone as you stepped down the stairwell. You couldn’t help but wonder just how far he would let you go with this. “I assumed that since you left them in the _Gryffindor _common room, you no longer wanted them.” Severus raised an almost threatening eyebrow at you, knowing fully you were merely teasing him for forgetting such a thing in enemy territory. He was only glad you had found them before someone else saw the Slytherin colors on their bright red couch.

“Cheeky,” he commented. “But seriously (Y/N), I need them back.” 

“Well, you clearly have a spare,” you lightly tugged on his sleeve and looked up to see his patience slowly fading away as his expression turned rough. But you had no intention of giving them back as you adored having something of his with you, knowing they were yours to keep so long as you didn’t hand them back. You couldn’t tear the smile off your face last night as you snuggled with it at night in bed after he left. Is it creepy to say you like the way a person smells? Because that’s exactly how you felt when you woke up, realizing his scent had provided you with such a comfortable and loving shield.

“Actually, these are my new set,” he said. You detected a bit of a cold tone in his voice this time and began to worry you had pushed too far. “The ones you have are my spare robes.” Severus looked at you with a hopeful glimmer in his eyes as you debated whether or not you should continue this little game of yours. Deciding to test his tolerance for your insolence, you smirked at him, letting him know you weren’t about to give up so easily. 

“Well,” you spoke with conviction which only caused Severus to let out a frustrated huff. “You better not lose these then, otherwise you’ll be walking around robeless.” You waited for him to react, but it never came. He simply peered at you, searching your eyes for what, you would never know. 

“If you keep them, then it’s only fair you give me something in return,” he argued as he held the door open for you as you exited the tower.

“I disagree Sev,” you giggled as he tried to approach the situation from a different angle. “I would never leave my belongings in the Slytherin common room. Therefore, you have no claim to any of my things.”

“You are vexatious!” he exclaimed, grabbing your wrist and twisting his body to face you. You found yourself pushed against the cold concrete of the astronomy tower staring into the eyes of a very stern Severus Snape. He squinted as he approached you further, caging you in your place. Your heart was pumping so fast, you felt it vibrating against your rib cage. This was the first time you felt intimidated by him, worried he was angry with you. You couldn’t lie though, seeing him so riled up did turn you on just a little. 

You gave him a shy smile which seemed to have snapped him back as he realized he was towering over you. He took a step back and hung his head, letting his hair to shower his face. He blushed and tried to find the words to apologize for his aggressive behavior. Feeling guilty for keeping his possessions hostage, you removed your bag off your shoulders and placed it on the floor as you rummaged through it. 

Severus peered down at you curiously, wondering what you were up to, all thoughts of atoning for his actions leaving his mind. When you stood up with your fist clenched as you swung your bag back over your shoulder, he attempted to peek at what you had retrieved, but his curiosity merely increased as you paused and looked down at the item enclosed around your fingers, obscuring his line of vision from the mysterious object. 

“Can I keep your robes if I give you this?” you asked as you slowly loosened your grip, revealing a small red and gold pin. Severus felt his heart jump as he realized you were handing him your Quidditch Captain pin, something he knew you were very fond of. At times, he would catch you lightly tracing it with your fingers, knowing you were longing to get back onto a broom again. 

“(Y/N),” he whispered as you placed it in his hand, gently closing his long slender fingers over it.

“I trust you won’t lose this,” you looked into his eyes as you enclosed his hand with yours, hoping he understood just how important this little pin is to you. It represents your accomplishments in quidditch and holds all your dreams for a successful future in the sport. You had poured your heart into receiving this pin and always kept it on hand to remind you that you could achieve anything if you set your mind to it. Perhaps that’s why it felt like you were handing him your soul right now. 

“I won’t,” he smirked at you and you saw his shoulders drop as his body relaxed. You leaned up and gave him a quick kiss before taking his hand and making your way towards the castle. Severus entangled his fingers with your and squeezed your palm as he examined the small trinket in his hand. It felt surreal to be holding such an item and he wondered just how much you trusted him if you were willing to hand over such an important possession to him. 

Severus tightened his grip on the pin as he entered the Great Hall, parting ways from you, wanting to show you that you’re not wrong in bestowing so much trust in him. It was hard to eat lunch knowing Severus had the little pin that brought you so much comfort each time you ran your fingers over it. You had to fight the urge to search your bag for it as you knew it wouldn’t be there. It was safe though, that you knew for sure which did help ease your mind a little. Your thoughts ventured to the green robes you had stowed away in your trunk and you had to shake your head to let your hair cover your face and hide the grin you couldn’t stop from growing. 

As lunch passed, and you had nearly finished the plate of food in front of you, you found yourself so lost in thought, you almost missed the broad Bulgarian boy walking towards the Gryffindor table with a smirk on his face. You rushed out of your seat as your smile immediately wiped off your face. You had no interest in speaking with Andrei, and you were not about to let him corner you. You left the table and didn’t look back as you quickly ushered out of the Great Hall.

_Close call,_ you thought as you walked down the halls and made your way to class. Perhaps you could hide out there until the bell rang. You settled down on a bench near the classroom and immersed yourself into a book in an attempt to get your mind off that damn Quidditch Captain pin. As the days went by, you found yourself thinking less of the little token you had given Severus, and you even stopped asking to see it which pleased him as he was getting rather tired of having to pull it out of his pocket every five seconds. Or at least that’s how it felt to him at first. Eventually, he found you lasting a while before asking to see it again. In fact, it had been a whole five days since you had asked him last and it warmed his heart to know you had so much faith in him.


	10. Dry Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus asks you to meet him in the astronomy tower after class and you are left to wonder why he is acting so mysterious during Potions.

After Charms class, you thought you would head to your dorm and pick up a book for some light reading later before you made your way to Potions. But just as you were about to turn left in the direction of the Gryffindor tower, someone pulled you back into a dark empty classroom to your right with such an intense force, you almost fell over. You were startled and was about to pull out your wand until you heard the door slam shut and you were pushed against the adjacent wall, stunning you into place. A familiar pair of lips crash into yours, and you soon relaxed, realizing you were in no danger. 

“Severus,” you whispered, eyes closed as you parted, lips ghosting near one another. You enjoyed the light touches of his lips before the need to feel him overtook you and you wrapped your arms around his neck as your lips met his once more. 

Severus pressed you against the wall, causing you to moan at the feeling of his chest against your own. Your lips moved in sync and you felt his nose digging into your cheek as he went to deepen the kiss, slipping his tongue between your lips. 

As soon as you parted the kiss for air, he attached himself to your neck, kissing the little skin exposed from your uniform before beginning to suck and bite, leaving love marks wherever he went. You closed your eyes and leaned your head back as you smiled, enjoying his praise. Tangling your hands in his hair, you thought about how often he seemed to be stealing kisses from you between classes. 

This wasn’t the first time he had taken you by surprise, and although you thought you would never get used to it, you certainly didn’t mind. He’d grown so comfortable showing his affection for you, it was hard to believe that he used to be so shy whenever you kissed. It was as if he had questioned if you were truly together, but he had clearly left that thought well behind as you felt his hands gripping your hips. You noticed as well how much he loved kissing your neck and as he moved up towards your jaw you realized, that was his favorite place to attach himself to. Perhaps he enjoyed the taste of your skin, or the smell of your hair. 

“Severus,” you whispered, “We have class.”

He mumbled against your skin in response, showing no interest in stopping what he was doing. You closed your eyes taking in his touch, from his lips, to his hair, to his thumbs that begun to rub small circles on your hip bones, before trying again. 

“Severus-”

But as soon as he heard you speaking again, he bit down hard on your neck in protest, causing you to gasp and tug on his hair before slowly relaxing your grip. He tightened his hold on you as he pressed himself further into you, hoping you wouldn’t want to move from your position. 

Your thoughts soon vanished as your mind focused on Severus and his love for you. _Five minutes,_ you thought, _five minutes and then we will head to class. _You tightened your arms around him, burying your fingers further into his hair. 

He soon began making his way to the other side of your neck, leaving identical marks before moving back up towards your jaw. He always left so many marks when he got this excited and it was becoming harder to hide them all. You just hoped the collar of your shirt was high enough to cover them for class until you had time to find a charm to remove them later. 

Several minutes went by before you spoke once more. 

“Severus, we’re going to be late.”

He mumbled again before connecting your lips with his one last time for a slow passionate kiss, savoring the moment before pulling away from you. “Fine,” he whispered as he admired all the marks he’d left on you, smirking with pride. He gently outlines some of the love bites on your jaw and you let out a happy sigh. You smiled at him before picking up your things and reaching for the door.

“Will you meet me in the astronomy tower after class?” he asked you, “Before dinner.” you looked back at him and saw a hint of nervousness in his eyes. He was doing that thing every time he got agitated, shifting in place and avoiding your gaze. You normally made your way there anyways, but when you saw him scratching the strap of his bag that hung over his shoulder, you knew there was a specific reason behind this strange request. 

“What for?” you asked as you let go of the doorknob. What possible reason did he have for wanting to make sure you would meet him after class? It’s not like you would go anywhere else anyways.

“Just come, will you?” Severus moved towards you and placed a hand over the door, not wanting you to leave until you promised to show up. 

You paused and looked at him, trying to read the rigid expression on his face, before responding. “Sure.”

Satisfied, Severus opened the door and let you lead the way to the dungeons. 

You could hardly focus during class as you kept glancing over at Severus, wondering what was on his mind and why he _insisted _on meeting you after class. He acted so normal in front of everyone else, it was astonishing how he was able to hide his clingy side that only made itself apparent in front of you so well. He was so attached to you when you were alone with him, constantly begging for attention, like a puppy would its owner. But as soon as he would step out of the comfort zone of your privacy, he’d stiffen up and return to his usual demeanor. Of course, this wasn’t how he had always act with you. He was reserved with you at first, afraid what he had with you was only a fantasy, convincing himself each morning that he had merely imagined kissing you last night. But the second he saw you looking at him with such care in your eyes, he let those thoughts melt away, replacing them instead with how much he had grown to love you. 

You opened your potions book as soon as Slughorn instructed you to begin brewing and turned to the appropriate page. As you looked over what ingredients you needed for Shrinking Solution, you noticed that Severus had already begun brewing, all required material neatly placed around his cauldron. His skills in potions always astonished you. He was always the first to finish, though Lily had once beaten him to it when making Calming Draught last year. You could still remember the look on his face when she handed that vial over to Slughorn. He was awestruck and couldn’t venture how she’d beaten him to it. Though his expression was rather amusing, you couldn’t help but wonder where her potions skills had come from as well. It didn’t seem to matter now as it appeared she’d fallen behind this year. In fact, you had managed to beat her in brewing your potions each class and you wondered if this was due to her diminished relationship with Severus as you knew you had him to thank for your new miraculous potion making skills. 

“Finished already?” you suddenly heard Professor Slughorn say only an a half hour after you’d began brewing. You snapped your head up to see Severus handing him a small vial of his finished potion and was surprised to see him finish so early. This had to be a record of some sort. You were only a little over half way done, how had he finished so early? Was he that eager to finish class? Your curiosity only strengthened as you watched him clean up his work station and slump back into his chair. He pulled out a blank piece of parchment and began to frantically write, hunched over in a way that didn’t allow anyone to peer at what he was doing. Whatever it was, you imagined it to be very important and private by the way he’d positioned himself and the focused look on his face. You looked back at your own cauldron and focused on finishing your potion, hoping he would help ease your curiosity after class. 

You finally finished soon after and quickly handed your vial to Slughorn, warranting yourself second place for quickest brewed potion. You sat back down and peeked over at Severus over the book you were pretending to read. He was still so focused on that parchment. By the look on his face, you would have guessed he was working on enhancing a potion, but he normally never did that on a spare bit of parchment. He much preferred the margins of his textbook for reasons you would never understand. 

It almost seemed to you that class would never end, but finally Professor Slughorn dismissed you and you quickly filed out of the class alongside your classmates. Once the crowd dispersed, you walked ahead and found Severus as he walked out of the Entrance Hall. Sprinting forward, you snuck up behind him and slide your arm around his elbow.

“So why did you want to meet up today,” you said softly as you let him guide you to the astronomy tower. 

“Do I need an excuse to see you?” he said smirking down at you as he pulled you closer. You giggled as you approached the tower, eager to see what had gotten into him today. 

As soon as you walked to the top of the tower and Severus closed the door behind him, he wrapped his arms tightly around your waist, pulling you close to him. You wrapped your arms around his neck in return, smiling up at him, waiting for him to give you any sign of why he was so persistent in having you here tonight. 

“So, Slughorn had to teach all the Slytherins how to dance this morning,” he informed you. 

“McGonagall did the same for us,” you replied. He nodded and hummed in acknowledgment before he continued. 

“Well, I was sad that we were split by houses because I didn’t get to dance with you,” he began to back away from you before taking your hand and walking backwards to the center of the room. “I thought perhaps we could have our own practice, here.”

You giggled as you placed your free hand on his shoulder, humoring him. “There’s no music,” you whispered shyly. He was so forward, it seemed out of character for him. Then again, you had seen him in a whole new light when you started dating. The hard exterior you were so used to had slowly cracked open, revealing a mushy love-struck boy. 

“We don’t need music,” he spoke softly as he pulled you closer by your waist and gripped your hand tighter in his. He straightened his back before he began to sway as you followed his lead, looking straight into his dark eyes. 

You smiled, feeling your heart beat faster as you felt a shower of warmth wash over your body. A few minutes later, you decide to get closer to him as you laid your head on his shoulder, tightening the arm around his neck. He responded by letting go of your hand and hugging you tightly by your waist as he continued his slow sway. You began to play with the hair at the nape of his neck as he lowered his head to bury his face in yours. 

Closing your eyes, the grin on your face grew wider as you cherished this moment with him, exciting you further for the day you would dance at the Yule Ball together. You had such a clear image in your mind. You would be wearing such an elegant dress, Severus in his dress robes and you would both be dancing so gracefully on the dancefloor, the world disappearing around you both as you gazed into each other’s eyes. You would kiss him just as the music stopped and simply hold each other until the night ended. 

As your dream faded, you lifted your head to look back at Severus, tucking some of his hair behind his ear, allowing you to get a better view of his face.

You both had come so far as a couple these last few months, you couldn’t believe how long it had been since your first kiss; the first time you had opened your hearts to one another. The feeling you both got around each other was surreal, something you thought was only mentioned in fairy tales. At times, you would find yourself checking the calendar as it was hard to believe years hadn’t gone by yet. That’s how close you had gotten to him, though it didn’t hurt to have all those years together as friends behind you. Is that why you felt your souls merging together? Why you could see yourself with him in your old age? 

For the first time, you could actually see your future, or at least some version of a future you thought you would never have. A future spent with Severus, living together, sharing your lives with one another, finally sitting down to have dinner together. Meals had to be the hardest thing about being a couple from two different houses at Hogwarts. It was bad enough to be separated by house names and colors in class, but you were obligated to sit at different tables for meals and it hurt every time you parted from one another. But if you lived together, outside of Hogwarts, you could have every meal together, talking about your day or even reading in silence. Severus could cheer you on in the stands when you played Quidditch as you knew it was something he would be unable to do for you next year. You knew his lack of support wouldn’t be his fault and you knew that he would do what he could in private, but it still broke your heart to imagine him clapping for the opposing team, especially after you told him just how important Quidditch was to you.

“Thank you for this,” you said softly as he slowly stopped swaying. The little practice dance was a blessing you were so thankful for. It brightened your day and you absolutely loved how he thought of you when Slughorn taught them to dance. _What a sight that must have been; the walrus looking man dancing with some poor Slytherin girl._ Never in a million years would you have imagined Severus suggesting dancing with you like this, but you were glad he did as it helped ease your thoughts of seeing your date uncomfortably shifting around in the corner during the Yule Ball. “You are definitely a better dance partner than the fourth year Gryffindor boy I had to dance with this morning.”

He chuckled as he went to cradle your face with one hand. He was happy to see you so content with something as simple as a musicless dance. You closed your eyes once more, leaning into his touch, placing your hand over his. As you opened your eyes, you watched as he slowly leaned in, pressing his lips to yours, ending the night with a lovely kiss.


	11. The Yule Ball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night of the Yule Ball finally arrives and you have the time of your life dancing with Severus. Once the night comes to an end, Severus asks you to go for a walk with him, leading you to the little surprise he planned, further extending your lovely night together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: ….mmmm angst… I swear most if it is fluff though, partial nudity as well, wouldn’t say its smutty but it’s for sure NSFW
> 
> (Y/F/F) = your favorite food
> 
> (Y/F/D) = your favorite dessert

Agreeing to go to the Yule Ball with Severus opened up a whole new world for you and you finally began to understand why the rest of your dormmates couldn’t stop talking about how excited they were. They couldn’t stop talking about it, and you couldn’t stop thinking about it. You were hoping that this day would finally let you to take the next step with Severus and bind you together in an eternal coupling. You had come so far, from fighting, to becoming friends, to falling in love with him. He had finally shown you that he returned your feelings and you didn’t want to let him go. 

You wanted this day to be perfect and you did everything you could to assure that it would be. Every day you would look at your dress and end up altering it using some charm you found amongst the endless stack of books in the library. Eventually you moved on to your heels before you began worrying about your hair. When did you become a girl who would worry so much about appearance? As a Quidditch player, the way you looked was always the least of your concern. But it seemed the idea of this Ball had completely warped your mindset and you could no longer recognize the girl blinded by love staring back at you each time you looked in the mirror, nitpicking all your imperfections. The nervousness slowly turned into endless insecurities you had never noticed until now, hoping they wouldn’t stop you from looking the part of the elegant date any guy would love to have at the Ball. 

Severus was just as skittish, not wanting to mess this up again. The little surprise he had planned turned out a lot better than he had initially expected and he hoped that it would make up for the way he had treated you in the past. It had been so difficult to keep this secret from you and he was anxious to see how you would react when you finally found out what he was up to each time he cancelled meetings with you. 

At first, you thought he was avoiding you, trying to come up with the words to tell you he no longer wanted to date you, but he quickly reassured you that was not the case. You genuinely had no idea what he was up to, but you had your suspicions when you caught him stuffing a letter you knew was from Professor Slughorn in his bag as you snuck up on him one day. The blush splattered across his face told you it was something he wanted to keep hidden from you, so you didn’t pry. 

The day finally rolled around, and excitement filled the entire castle from every fourth, fifth, six and seventh year of each house. You were the first of the Gryffindors to get ready as you had promised Severus you’d meet him a little earlier so you could have a moment alone before you walked in together. You checked yourself in the mirror a third time before you finally reached for your dress. You had done your hair in a quick loose updo, a few strangling strands to frame your face and your makeup was simple as you were never one for vibrant colors or heavy creams. You focused most of your attention on your eyes and had picked a style that made them pop. The thin layer of mascara is what really brought the look together as it lifted your eyelashes, elongating them enough to soften the glimmer in your eyes. Most of your makeup were from cheap muggle drug stores, but when you saw the mascara being sold in Diagon Alley, you just had to buy it and its magical properties completely exceeded your expectations. It had instructions on the various types of looks you could do with it and with one simple flick, you were able to accomplish such a natural look. If you didn’t know what your eyelashes had looked like prior, you would never have thought you had mascara on. 

You stepped into your dress and slowly zipped it up, watching it take form around your body. You smiled as you ran your hands over the black fabric, loving how glamorous you looked. Twisting your body, you admired the subtle shine it emitted. It took you so long to charm it, you felt proud of yourself for accomplishing such a vigorous spell and it turned out to be so worth it as it complimented your silhouette so well. Your fingers grazed the soft lace of the sleeves that blended so elegantly into the rest of the dress. It was a bit old fashioned, you couldn’t lie, but it just looked so good on you, and more importantly, it made you _feel_ like the most stunning woman to ever walk down the halls of Hogwarts. 

The long-anticipated moment had finally come, and you couldn’t have been happier. You walked back to your bed and put on your glamorous silver heels that complimented your light cherry colored lips. As you finished, you felt your nerves slowly creeping back and you struggled to stand up. You had no idea why you felt this way as you knew Severus would be happy however you looked, but there was something else that etched its way to your mind, causing you to wonder if going as a couple was a good idea. You had never publicly displayed any sign of your affection to one another, and this Ball was as public as it would get. In fact, because you had been spending so much time together, you rarely ever saw anyone else and each time you would near the population of the school, you both sprang apart like children caught stealing candy. What would everyone think? Would the comments about being a traitor return? You shook your head, trying to rid yourself of such horrible thoughts and made your way to the common room. 

You gathered yourself, banishing any negative emotions from your mind and enthusiastically made your way to meet Severus outside of Gryffindor Tower. You couldn’t wait to see him in his dress robes as well his reaction to your own outfit.

“(Y/N),” Severus ogled you as he took in the stunning sight before him. He’d always thought you were rather attractive, though that feeling greatly increased a few months ago, but tonight, tonight you looked so dazzling, he found no word in the entire English language worthy enough to describe you.

You giggled at his expression, “How do I look?” you said softly as you examined him. You had never seen Severus look as handsome as he does now. He had thoroughly washed his hair, removing any sign of grease, giving it a little volume as if he’d blown it out. It looked soft to the touch and you had to resist the urge to run your fingers through it and ruin all the hard work he’d put into it. As you got closer, you could smell the light lavender smelling shampoo he used atop the musk of cologne he wore. His dress robes were nice and simple, obviously second hand, but you had noticed that he altered it as you did your dress. His ascot was as black as the rest of his attire and you wondered how much he had to spend on it as it appeared newer than his dress robes. All in all, he looked perfect to you and you were ecstatic that he was your date. 

“You look,” he started, looking you up and down, “stunning,” he ended as he pulled you in by your waist. You wrapped your arms around his neck and smiled. 

“As do you,” you whispered as you leaned in to close the distance. “My Prince,” he kissed you deeply, holding you close to himself. He had gotten so used to your little nickname for him, he no longer repulsed at the word. In fact, he had even begun to think of you as his princess in return. You gently slide your hand through his hair at the nape of his neck and confirmed that it indeed was a lot softer than usual. Once you parted, you stood there admiring each other, wishing every moment of your lives would be spent in the luxury you felt right now. 

“Shall we?” he asked.

“Lead the way,” you said, taking the arm he offered. 

You walked into the ballroom arm in arm as Severus lead you to an empty corner table, closer to a group of Ravenclaws, away from most of the Slytherins and Gryffindors. You and Severus chatted as everyone else began to settle into their seats. Finally. Finally, you were able to sit down at the same table together, and it was probably best you did so away from your own houses to avoid any unwanted glares. Only five minutes had passed, and you were already so pleased with the night. It felt so good to be talking to Severus so freely surrounded by all your school accountancies, no dumb boundaries about house segregation keeping you apart. 

Only two other couples joined your table; the first were a pair of Ravenclaws while the other, a Ravenclaw boy accompanying a Hufflepuff girl. You didn’t recognize any of them but offered a friendly smile nonetheless as they sat with you. You took a quick scan of the room and admired how nicely everyone was dressed. It was interesting to see everyone’s taste now that they were no longer restricted to their school uniform. The sea of colorful dresses spread throughout the room was a sight to behold. You could no longer distinguish houses or schools from one another, and it filled you up with joy to see the change in demeanor the school held. For a brief moment, it seemed everyone had let go of any rivalries whether it be between houses or blood status. The room, instead, was full of friends chatting, couples bonding and new relationships forming. 

Eventually, Professor Dumbledore grabbed everyone’s attention as he introduced the champions. The doors flung open as everyone’s attention turned in anticipation to see the stars of the night walk up to their tables. You watched happily as they entered the room one by one, accompanied by their date. 

“Wow,” you heard Severus whisper to himself. You looked in the direction where his eyes were locked and saw Andrei accompanied by a beautiful girl who you couldn’t quiet place but looked awfully familiar to you. Your eyes widened and your heart began thumping against your chest as you realized that the girl Severus couldn’t take his eyes off was Lily Evans. 

You sank in your chair feeling agitated that he was now paying her more attention than you. Severus looked back at you as the Champions took their seats and he noticed your change in mood as you hung your head, slouching your shoulders.

“What’s wrong?” he asked you, worried that perhaps you regretted declining Andrei’s invitation to be his date. The Bulgarian was quite a handsome young man and Severus never understood why you chose him over such a dazzling date.

“Nothing,” you mumbled as you avoided his gaze. 

Severus was about to object to your answer, but Dumbeldore had once again asked for everyone’s attention as he made his speech and called for dinner to begin. The most glamorous food suddenly appeared in front of you, accompanied by beautifully designed plates and cutlery. A small smile formed on the corner of your lips as you admired the table and its contents. You had never seen such elegance put into a meal before and it made you feel enchanted. The variety was astounding, and you wondered just how much harder the house elves had to work to prepare all this food for such a big event.

Deciding not to pry, Severus reached for a dish of (Y/F/F) and offered it to you. You gladly accepted, appreciating chivalry. Humming in delight, you commented on how good the food was and Severus used this as an opportunity to continue conversing with you. You chat and ate until it was time for the Champions to take their dates out onto the dancefloor. 

Your smile slowly disappeared as you watched Andrei and Lily glide gracefully to the rhythm of the music. Feeling jealous and angry, you didn’t notice Severus looking at you with worry. Once other students joined the dancing couples, Severus took your hand, bringing your attention back to him.

“Care to dance?” he asked. You smiled at him as you nodded and watched as he removed himself from his seat. He gently took your hand, dragging it towards himself and you stood up, allowing him to lead you to the dancefloor. 

Once you reached a clear spot, Severus placed his free hand on your waist, inviting you to place yours on his shoulder. He elegantly guided you, as you both joined the rest of the party dancing in unison. You looked up at him, staring into his eyes as the world around you disappeared. Severus kept his gaze on you as he enjoyed watching the smile on your face grow. Your feet moved so easily as you had both practiced this dance in the astronomy tower so many times, it had become second nature to you. 

The dancefloor soon filled up completely as the entire room had paired up, hand in hand, dancing to the rhythm of the music. You were glad Severus had such a tight grip on you as you felt yourself lighten by how gracious he was and how well you moved together. The song was nearly half way through when you felt the acoustics rumble beneath your feet. It was perfect. This moment was worth waiting for and you prayed it would never end. 

Your heart skipped a beat as you felt Severus tighten his grip on your waist with both hands and lift you up in the air just in time with the melody. You held onto his shoulders as he spun half a circle in sync with all the other couples on the floor before setting you down gently. You felt his chest pressed against your stomach as he lowered you down and you kept your hands firmly on his shoulders. When your feet landed back on the floor, you noticed that your bodies were now pressed together, chests intertwining you and your arm stretch all the way around his neck. One of his hands had now rested on your lower back while the other had gone back to recapture your own hand. Severus gave a small smirk loving how close you were to him as he continued at a slower pace than before.

Everyone had been admiring the Champions and their dates over the last few months, saying they were so fortunate for the positions they held tonight, but Severus felt he was the one to be so lucky as to have the privilege of being with you. He had the most beautiful girl in the room in his arms and he was beyond grateful that you would ever accept such an invitation from him.

Severus _regrettably_ loosened his grip on you and let go of your waist only to slowly spin you in place, watching the bottom of your dress follow your movements as it flared out. Your dress sparkled as you spun back around, facing him. As you placed your hand back on his shoulder, he flicked his hair away from his face and revealed the grin on his face. You were surprised to see such a big smile and as you examined him further, you realized his eyes actually shined. He was looking at you with such lust, you could hardly believe that he would allow himself to show such emotion in front of so many people. 

To your disappointment, the song ended, but you couldn’t look away from your date, your eyes locked on one another. Another slow song began, and he asked you if you wished to continue, to which you eagerly agreed. 

This time, the couples on the dancefloor kept to a simple sway as they continued moving clockwise around the dancefloor together. Severus took this opportunity to pull you in close again as he wrapped his hands around your waist and hoped you would warp yours around his neck. But, to his disappointment, you placed your hands on his chest instead, pushing you a bit further from him than he would have liked. You smiled up at him as you felt your heart flutter with amour. This had to be the best night you’d ever had. 

“You look beautiful tonight,” he whispered to you. “Thank you for coming with me.”

“There’s no one else I would have rather gone with,” you replied softly with a smile. 

Severus continued courting you in the hopes that you would want to press yourself closer to him.

“Then you have made me the luckiest person in this room,” he said and immediately got the reaction he was looking for as you giggled and moved your hands to the nape of his neck. 

“You’re wrong,” you said smugly, “I believe I have the honor of holding that title.” He was flustered by your compliment, but that feeling was slowly replaced with delight as you hugged him, resting your head on his shoulder. 

You felt his nose press into the crook of your neck as he buried his face into your shoulder, returning your embrace by snaking his hands on your back and gently pushing you deeper into his chest. He closed his eyes and took in your sweet scent, resisting the urge to kiss you everywhere he could reach as he felt it highly inappropriate to do so in front of so many people. If only they would all disappear and leave him to relish in your company comfortably. 

As you looked to your side, all the happy thoughts running through your head slowly began to fade as you had caught a glimpse of Lily looking more stunning than before. As she slowly turned, Andrei glanced over in your direction and caught your eye. You felt your heart momentarily stop in surprise as he gave you a small wink before bringing his attention back to his date. 

His flirtatious demeanor had you shifting in your place uncomfortably and led Severus to notice your change in aura. You thought he would stop when he realized you weren’t interested in being his date, but clearly, the Champion had no intention of giving up so easily. Severus lifted his head from where it hung and saw the sad expression on your face. Your eyes had begun to water and your hands shook ever so slightly. The small frown on your face broke his heart and he couldn’t stand to see you so upset.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Mhum,” you said as you pulled him closer and shut your eyes. 

“(Y/N), what is it?” he said, remembering the expression on your face at the beginning of the night. 

“It’s nothing,” you whispered, “Really.” But Severus was not convinced. He knew something was on your mind. He pulled you back from him to look at you as he tried again. 

“I know something is bothering you,” he said, “you have that look on your face.” Oh, he knew you so well. He could tell something was troubling you since the night began and you weren’t sure just how long you would be able to bottle up these feelings.

“Severus-”

“Tell me,” he demanded, but in a much softer tone than he would normally give in times like these. Perhaps it was better for you to tell him before he somehow found out on his own; better to be honest than to let these thoughts burn in the back of your mind, right? 

You sighed before you decided to confide in him. “It’s just… I saw the way you looked at Lily tonight and I know how you feel about her and Andrei has been occasionally flirting with me and-”

“What?” he said in shock as his head snapped in the direction of Andrei in anger. When you saw his gears turn in his head, you knew exactly what he was thinking and began to fear the worst. You didn’t want him to have a rivalry with the Champion like he did with James. It was bad enough he created that horrible spell to use against James last year, what if he decided to use it on the foreigner? The entire point of the Triwizard tournament was to make friends with the international wizards, not have them as enemies. 

“Severus, don’t, it’ll only make things worse,” you said, placing a hand on his cheek to grab his attention. 

“Wait,” he said, shaking his head as he remembered what you had started your little rant with, “W-what do you mean how I feel about Lily?”

You paused for a second, not really wanting to have this conversation. “Well, it’s just, you always used to talk about her before she stopped talking to you and the way you look at her…” you trailed off not knowing what to say. You felt your cheeks heat up as you looked away from him, letting your hands slip to his elbows. 

Severus looked at you in awe before he reached to tilt your chin towards him, searching your eyes before deciding to gently press his lips to yours. It was a quick kiss, but when he pulled away and saw the wide eyes staring back at him, he couldn’t help but pull you closer to him. You were astounded by the simple gesture, showing everyone in the room you were more than just a date to him. Never in a million years did you think him capable of showing such affection in public. He’d always been so hesitant each time you walked in the halls of the castle side by side, not daring to reach for your hand, but here he was, kissing you for the world to see. 

“(Y/N), I-I _care_ about Lily. We were friends for a long time and… and that’s not something I can so easily forget. But it’s _you_ I’m here with. I asked _you_ to the Ball, not her. I want to be with _you_,” he said, trying to reassure you. “I… (Y/N), I-,” he stumbled as he so badly wanted to tell you exactly how he felt. “_I love you_,” he finally said looking at you with nothing but truth scribbled across his face.

Your heart fluttered as you couldn’t help but smile at him, hoping that what he was saying was true. You felt your mind go into overdrive, wondering if you had indeed heard him correctly. But the soft smile he gave you was more than enough to tell you he truly meant what he just said, and it caused your heart to swell in love. You never thought you would hear those words from him, let alone only a few months into dating. He’d never even called you his girlfriend, but then again, Severus wasn’t the type to care for such titles. 

He asked if you wanted to finish the dance to which you nodded your head as you wrapped your hands back around his neck and resumed swaying in his arms. 

You kept your eyes on him as your mind filled with all the lovely moments you had spent together. It wasn’t long before the music stopped and a louder, more upbeat song began. Severus lead you back to your table as neither of you had any interest in joining the jumping crowd. After chatting for a while, Severus held out his hand and asked you to join him for a walk. You gladly accepted, hoping for a bit of quiet as the music was getting quite loud.

Hand in hand, he led you outside the Ball and out into the courtyard. He was clearly heading somewhere, but you weren’t sure what destination he had in mind. The black lake perhaps? 

“Where are we going?” you asked curiously as Severus turned a corner, away from the lake. 

“It’s a surprise,” he said, shooting you a quick smirk. You blushed, anxious to see what Severus had in store for you. He’d been acting so mysterious ever since your first kiss, and you’d hardly even seen him the days leading up to the Ball. It became clear to you that he had been planning something, but what could he possibly have been up to? Finally, you made it to the astronomy tower and Severus held out his hand, gesturing for you to climb up the stairs.

“Some surprise,” you said to him sarcastically as you picked up your dress and held onto the railing making your way to the top. Severus scoffed in response, but you could see the small smirk tugging on the corner of his lips. You could feel the tail of the dress drag behind you, most likely capturing the dirt scattered across the stairs, but you didn’t care. Your only focus was Severus and his little surprise. He jumped a few steps ahead of you just as you neared the top and walked in front of you to hold the door open. 

You smiled at him as you walked in and immediately froze when Severus took out his wand and silently lit what looked to be about a hundred candles floating near the ceiling and around the parameter of the room. They had the exact same design as the candles that lit the Great Hall only shorter, more worn out. 

“Severus,” you whispered as your eyes landed on the beautiful layout Severus had prepared. A navy blue and silver carpet rested on the floor accompanied by several pillows, matching its design. In the center, you saw your favorite dessert, presented so elegantly, you couldn’t believe Severus did this all on his own. 

“I-I know it’s not much but-” he said nervously as he walked up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his chin on your shoulder. 

“I love it,” you whispered, turning around to pull him into a passionate kiss. You tangled your fingers in his hair as you wanted to show him just how much you appreciated the gift. As your lips moved in sync, he slipped his tongue into your mouth and you arch your back in pleasure, pushing your chest against his. You only parted when the need for air was too great and as you did, Severus took your hand and walked you over to the carpet. 

“Where did you get all this?” you asked curiously. As you approached the set up, you realized just how intricate the design was. It was an old style, but the detail was astonishing. It had clearly been preserved well as its condition was near perfection. 

You both removed your shoes and sat side-by-side on the soft pillows he had laid out. You were surprised at just how comfortable the seating area was. Normally you hated sitting on the floor, but the carpet felt like a soft mattress. _No doubt Severus charmed it_, you thought. 

“Funny thing actually, I was walking in the castle on my way to the dungeons, when I saw this strange looking door. I’d never seen it before, so I thought I’d take a look and it contained all these old carpets and pillows, some used candles as well,” he replied as he offered a hand as you leaned in to cuddle next to him. “I didn’t know if I’d find the room again so I took what I could.”

_Took what he could,_ you mentally laughed at this as he had clearly taken more than just a few candles. It must have taken a lot of concentration to levitate this all back to his room. Where did he even hide all this? You still had so many questions and the more you looked around the room, the more your appreciation grew for him. He did all this for you. He went through all this trouble for you.

“And the (Y/F/D)?” you asked.

“I bribed Slughorn,” he responded simply.

You chuckled as you leaned back, resting your head against his chest and suddenly remembered him frantically writing something during Potions the same day you first danced together. Was that part of it? You had guessed he was working on a potion, perhaps that _was _what he was doing. “What did you give him in return?”

“I offered him a recipe for Felix Felicious that lasts twice as long as the one given in the textbook. I had to brew a batch just so he knew I wasn’t trying to deceive him,” he responded as he gently placed a hand on your waist.

Liquid Luck was a hard potion to make, you knew that, though it didn’t surprise you that he was able to not only brew it but extend its effects as well. How much time had he spent putting all this together? He must really have meant what he said when he told you he loves you if he was willing to work so hard just to please you. “That must have taken a while!”

“Yeah, but it was worth it,” he whispered as he tightened his hold on you and began leaving soft kisses along your neck. You closed your eyes and leaned in further feeling his hair graze your cheek as he continued trailing his lips along your jawline. A smile grew across your face as he wrapped his arm around your stomach, holding you close to his heart. Slowly, you adjusted your position and twisting your body, wanting to kiss him. You lifted your head up as your hand went to cup his cheek. 

“Thank you,” you whispered before pressing your lips to his. He smiled as you sat back, and he kissed the top of your head before leaning over to bring a plate of (Y/F/D) to you. He fed you your first bite before you helped yourself. The room filled with silence as you ate, enjoying the twinkling stars beaming down on you from the skylight above. 

“How is it?” he asked. 

“Perfect,” you replied as you picked up another piece. “Thank you Sev, for everything.” He smiled at you in relief, glad to see the joyful expression across your face. He knew what he had done wasn’t much, but as his budget didn’t allow for any splurging, he had to make do and hope you would appreciate it nonetheless. All that work, all those extra hours spent in the Potions classroom was worth it to see the look on your face right now, and he would gladly do it again if it meant seeing you smile like that every day.

Moments passed and you found yourself turned towards him, lips locked together and tongues dancing in your mouths. You had both hands tangled in his hair, completely disregarding all that effort he had clearly put in making it look so perfect, but neither of you cared as you only wanted to feel more of one another. He slowly moved one hand to your thigh as his grip on you tightened and he quickly pulled you into his lap. Gasping at the sudden movement, you wrapped your arm around him and continued kissing him, placing your other hand on his chest. 

After you parted, he attached himself to your neck and began leaving soft love marks, making his way up to your jaw as he slowly leaned you back onto the pillows beside him. He hovered over you, connecting your lips again as your head gently landed on the soft fabric beneath you. You found your hands roaming, wanting to feel more of him, ripping at his dress robes. He helped you take them off until a white button up was all that kept your fingers from feeling his pale skin. You unbuttoned his shirt and ran your hands up his bare chest and he moaned into your mouth in return which only splurged you on more. He felt sparks tingle everywhere your fingers touched, a blessing in disguise.

Severus went to tangle his hand in your hair, keeping the other on your hip, only to struggle with the updo you had done. He gave up and rested his palm beside your head as you parted. Giggling, you took out a pin and ruffled your hair, discarding whatever trinkets you’d used to keep it in place before pulling him closer and reconnecting your lips. His fingers finally swam in your hair freely and you felt him guide your head to the side to deepen the kiss further. You very slowly moved your hands all along his arms until they reached his round shoulders. His skin was a lot softer than you’d imagine and it felt so good to feel so much of him all at once like this. Your fingers traced small shapes over his chest, loving the new texture that had your heart pumping feverishly fast. Feeling your hands exploring his body made him want to do the same. He moved his lips down to your collarbone and kissed all around your neckline, eventually making his way to your chest, placing light, cautious kisses over your clothed breasts. 

You closed your eyes as your breathing hitched and you pressed your chest to him, wanting more. Deciding you were comfortable enough with him to take it a step further, you pulled him off you and asked him to unzip your dress.

“Are you sure (Y/N)?” he asked after pausing to see how serious you were. You lifted yourself up as he pulled himself off you. You looked into his eyes, showing nothing but love. He’d more than proven tonight that you could trust him and that’s exactly how you felt.

“I love you Severus,” you said as you nodded, gesturing for him to continue. He slowly unzipped your dress and began pulling down your sleeves, kissing every new piece of skin that was exposed to him. Once your hands were freed and your bra presented itself completely to him, you leaned back down on the comfort of the soft fabric beneath you and enjoyed his soft touches. 

Severus began to suck on the skin above one of your cups while he messaged your other breast over your bra. Your eyes were wired shut as your hands tugged on his soft locks. Your breathing hitched and you whispered his name as he continued his trail down to the center of your chest. He felt his pants tighten when he heard you plead for him. Wanting more, he sat up and looked into your eyes with so much lust, trying to determine how far you were thinking of going tonight. You looked back at him as you sat up. You could feel your heart pounding against your ribs and wondered if he could hear it. You searched his eyes and prayed he was okay with continuing your frantic sexual advancements. You were no longer able to contain your urges and he watched as you quickly hiked up your dress, straddled him and reconnected your lips, letting your hands exhibit your excitement as you roughly pushed his shirt off his shoulders. 

Once you parted, you began to kiss his jaw, eventually attaching yourself to his neck, leaving as many love marks as you could. You pushed on his chest, silently telling him that it was his turn to lean back, to which he gladly obliged. He placed his hands on your shoulder and allowed you to move as you pleased. You locked eyes with him as you began kissing down the middle of his chest, slowly making your way down, making sure not to leave any skin untouched between kisses. His chest heaved and he closed his eyes as his head tilted back, enjoying the feeling of your soft lips pressed against his boney figure. You left your hands over his chest as you passed his stomach, allowing him to tangle your fingers with his. You could feel his heart pump faster under your palm, matching the rhythm your own heart made. It was such a magical moment, you felt nothing could possibly challenge this wonderful night with all its perfections. 

Severus was in such bliss, and he felt his mind blur as you began kissing right above his belt line. His eyes rolled back as his head fell on the pillows behind him. He’d never felt this fuzzy before, but it was a feeling he rather enjoyed. He was so high on pleasure, he couldn’t help the next word that slipped his lips as he felt you kissing atop his pants, heading towards to bulge that had made itself quite apparent. A word that would surely seal your fate as a couple and undo every moment you had spent together over the last two years. 

“Lily.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry. 😭😭😭 *Hides under covers* *Sobs into pillow*


	12. One Single Word

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The after shock of what happened between you and Severus settles in as you both deal with the situation over the next few day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Severus gets a little rough but nothing violent, heavy pining, more angst probably 
> 
> Possible side-effects: crying, shattered heart 
> 
> This chapter is best consumed with ice cream

You immediately froze in your place as your head bolted up to look at him, unable to believe what you just heard. It was so subtle, he’d barely mumbled it, and yet, that single word rang in your ears like a song playing in slow motion. Your chest heaved in panic as your eyes widened, looking at the flushed face of the boy in front of you. You felt your throat dry as you attempted to swallow your fears. You couldn’t believe it. It couldn’t be true, and the longer you stared at him, the more you convinced yourself you had indeed misheard him.

“W-what? What did you say?” your voice came out raspy. It was barely audible, but he didn’t have to understand what you said as he could see the hurt you felt splattered all over your face. Your brows were furrowed, and your eyes began to water. Between your ruffled hair, trembling lip, the dress that hung from your hips and the tear running down your cheek, he never imagined this was how the night would end. He stared back at you, feeling his hands shake beneath him as he’d lifted himself up, leaning on his elbows. 

You didn’t give him a chance to reply as you completely removed yourself from him and stood up to face the wall. You couldn’t bare looking at him another second knowing what had been running through his mind not moments ago. The look on his face said it all. He messed up and he knew that. Suddenly aware of your partial nudity, you struggled to pull your sleeves back on, covering your skin in an attempt to cover your emotional vulnerability. The tears streaming down your face made it incredibly hard to see what you were doing, but worst of all were your shaking hands. You couldn’t keep them still and it caused your sleeve to slip from your fingers several times before they were finally pulled over your shoulders. You didn’t bother trying to zip up your dress as it was hard enough to do that when you weren’t physically falling apart like you were right now. 

“(Y/N), I-,” he started, unsure of what to say as he struggled to process what just happened. He couldn’t believe the word he let slip from his lips. His mind began to cloud as he tried to find the reason he had just muttered another girls name in such an intimate moment with you. He felt tears slowly drip down his cheeks as he watched your shoulders shake. He wanted so badly to walk over there and hold you, stop you from sobbing and tell you it was all in your head, that you had merely imagined him betray you with one simple word. He knelt on the carpet he’d gone through so much trouble acquiring and felt his legs falter as he tried to get up. All those months spent together, all those lovely memories shared between you both: destroyed in seconds. 

He watched as the only person to accept him for who he was, the only person who’d forgiven the bad choices he’s made in the past, grab her shoes and head to the door. No. He couldn’t let you leave. Not like this. Not without trying to talk to you first. Almost like instinct, he jumped up and ran in front of you, grabbing your arm to keep you from leaving. He stood between you and the door, keeping a hand tightly around your arm as he tried to come up with words to say. 

“(Y/N), p-please don’t leave. I-I didn’t mean to- I-I swear I-I… P-please let me explain,” he rambled as you tried to free yourself from his grasp. His hold on you was so strong, you could feel his nails digging into your skin as his palms pressed against the lace of your sleeve. He’d never been so rough before, it surprised you at first, but that feeling slowly turned into fear as he grabbed your other arm with the same fierce grasp, stunning you into place. 

Your breath was shaky and rapidly increased as you panicked at the situation you were in. You looked up into his eyes and noticed the thick glossy layers of tears that seemed to be leaking uncontrollably from beneath his eyelids. 

“No!” you cried out as your bottom lip trembled in anguish. On the verge of completely breaking down, you attempted to push him away as hard as you could, but his hold on you was too strong and you were unable to free yourself. You kept your hands on his chest as your heels swung from the straps around your fingers, pushing him away, only to have him pull you back. Severus couldn’t let you go, not like this. He couldn’t lose you over such a horrible mistake. 

“Please (Y/N),” he tried again, his voice, breaking, emulating a rise of panic. He was doing everything he could to keep himself together, afraid that if he let you go, his heart would stop beating completely. His entire world was falling to pieces and he felt helpless to stop it.

“Let me go!” your voice carried so much hurt, he couldn’t believe you were speaking to him in such a tone. It stung him to see you in the vulnerable state you were in, fighting to get away from him, when all he wanted to do was hug you and plead for forgiveness. “You’re hurting me!”

Severus looked down and saw that his hands had gripped you so tightly that your arms had shifted shades. He could see through the lace that the skin under his palms were an aggressive red and it was clear he was on the verge of bruising you. His eyes widened as he released you in fear and you quickly gave one last hard push causing him to stumble backwards, almost losing his balance. He knew you were about to make a break for it. He knew that as you shoved him away from the door, you would sprint out of the tower and run to your room, but he couldn’t find the courage to run after you. He simply stood there and watched you pick up your dress as you stepped on the other side of the door. His eyes gave a harsh blink when the door slammed behind you and two thick tears slide down his face. 

Severus turned his back to the door, leaning back as his weight gave out on him. He sank to his knees, holding his face in his hands as he heard you running down the stairs. His body shook as he replayed the last few minutes in his head, unable to understand what had happened and how he let himself push you away like that. 

You put so much trust in him when you accepted his rose, and he promised he wouldn’t _betray your trust_. Yet here he was, sitting there alone after tearing your heart to pieces. Why had Lily’s name escaped his throat? He wasn’t even thinking about her. Though, he had to admit to himself, he wasn’t exactly thinking about you either. It all went by so fast, he couldn’t really remember what his last thought was before he entered a state of panic and fear of losing you. 

It suddenly sank in; he _had _lost you. Probably for good too. He couldn’t see how you could possibly forgive him for this, nor could he venture how he could explain what happened. He wanted so badly to cry into your arms, hearing you say it would be alright, that you understood it was a mistake and he would never do it again. But what good would his word do now that he’d proven he couldn’t be trusted? No, he had to give you more than his word. He had to somehow _show_ you that his feelings for you are genuine and that Lily was no more than an old friend to him. 

Two hours passed by and he found himself blankly staring at the arrangement he’d set up earlier that day, knees tucked into his chest and arms wrapped around them in comfort. He snuffled as he rubbed his swollen eyes, finally removing himself from where he sat. His chest sticky from all the tears he’d shed, and his head ached from sobbing so hard. He placed a hand over the door, trying to regain the strength to walk, but he only managed to steady himself enough to shuffle over to his clothing. He sat back down and slowly reached for his shirt, his hand shook as he slipped one arm through the sleeve. Pausing, he closed his eyes and tried to take a few deep breaths knowing he had to try and get himself together if he was going to clear the room and head to the dungeons tonight. As he opened his eyes, he reached for his other sleeve and just barely managed to get it over his shoulder before fresh tears dripped down his nose, sinking into the silky material of the carpet.

He broke down once more and pulled a pillow close to his chest as he laid on his side. Realizing he no longer had the will to do anymore, he twisted himself, snuggling into the remaining pillows and cried into the pillow he hugged so tightly, seeking the comfort he longed to have from you. He could smell the subtle perfume you wore on the pillow, which only caused an increase of density in the tears pouring from his eyes. He wanted you back so badly, every inch of his body ached with pain knowing he wouldn’t be able to go back to the way things were. He fell asleep that night a complete wreck in the astronomy tower, dreaming of you all the same. He woke up sometime in the middle of the night only to realize he’d left those old candles burning. He mustered enough strength to reach for his wand and put them out and immediately slumped his head back down on the pillows as new tears ran down the sides of his face, seeping into his hair. He couldn’t sleep the rest of the night as each time he closed his eyes, he saw the hurt look on your face when he’d uttered that one word.

You struggled as you ran down the stairs of the astronomy tower, tripping on your dress several times and even heard it tear at some point. But that didn’t matter now, none of it mattered anymore. All that you cared about was getting away. Getting away from Severus, from the tower you’d spent your best days in, the place where you’d had your heart torn to pieces. Hell, you couldn’t even bare the sight of the castle anymore. Everything around you reminded you of him and that one word he used to rip your heart out of your chest. You paused outside the astronomy tower and tried to gather yourself before heading back to your dorm, wanting to avoid the stares you would get from others in this state. You couldn’t believe Severus had muttered another girl’s name when you had such lustful thoughts running through your head, wanting to please him in a way you never had. It was beyond heart breaking. You’d fallen for this boy whom you thought could return your feelings, only to find out in the worst possible way that your instinct during the Yule Ball, that fear that crept up when the Champions entered the room, they were real. He was in love with Lily Evans and you’d ignored this simple fact, emotionally and physically exposing yourself to him.

You shook your head and cleared your thoughts as your tears dried out. You tried instead to think of anything else. Anything to help keep you together. Wiping the tears from your cheeks, you polluted your mind with thoughts of Quidditch, Herbology, various books, TV shows you watched back in the Muggle World, riding a bike, anything to distract you as you made your way back to the castle. You held your heels in your hand as you picked up your dress, running down the halls as fast as you could. Quidditch trials, music, graduation, Sev- NO! … Driving a car, your first drink, Zonko’s… A tear slipped and you quickly wiped it away as you continued digging up old memories. You’d never noticed until now just how far Gryffindor tower was from the astronomy tower and you began to wonder why you’d never been caught after hours walking back. Severus was always so good at managing your time tog-No! Not again. 

You quickly turned a corner and sprinted the rest of the way, barely whispering the password to the Fat Lady.

“My my you’re back early aren’t you,” You could feel a fire starting in your gut, angry at the portrait that always seemed more interested in school drama than doing her job. 

“Open the bloody door!” you shouted. 

“Alright, no need to shout…” replied the Fat Lady. “Looks like someone’s had an awful night.” 

You shot her a dirty look, challenging her to ask what happened. _Go ahead ask and I’ll rip your painting right out of that frame!_ The Fat Lady gave you a startled look, partially afraid from the look you had in your eye before quickly swinging her portrait open. You stepped into the Gryffindor common room and sprinted up the stairs to your dorm. Reality began to sink back in as it was quite evident that you were the first one back. Everyone else was no doubt still enjoying themselves at the Ball, dancing, laughing and here you were; dress unzipped, your hair a complete mess and your head clouded with disappointment, anger, distraught. It wasn’t fair. Why was everyone else allowed to have a good time as you stood alone, broken in so many pieces, you didn’t think it possible to be put back together.

So many negative emotions were swirling through your mind, it became quite hard to think. Your hands began to shake again, and your tears returned as the sound of your heels hitting the floor echoed through the room. They’d slipped from your hands and as you stared down at them through your water filled eyes, you suddenly became aware of how disguised the dress you had on made you feel. You began tearing it off through trembling breaths as you finally let yourself lose control. Your sobs could be heard through the dorm, to the common room as you stuffed the ruined dress under your bed, along with your shoes. You didn’t bother stepping into your sleepwear and simply pulled the curtain around your bed before burying your face in your pillow, crying so hard you thought your eyes might pop out.

_How could he do this to me?_ After everything you had been through, after all the work and effort you have put into your relationship with him, to show him how deserving you are of his love, he had betrayed you in such a ruthless manner. You had forgiven so much from him, but how could you forgive him for this, for being in love with someone else. It was all just so overwhelming. There were so many things running through your head, it was hard to sift through it all. You were angry with him for keeping you as his second choice. You were angry at yourself for opening your heart to him. You were sad that such a lovely relationship ended so badly. You were jealous that he clearly loves Lily more than he does you. You were frustrated for still loving him, and that had to be the worst part. You still cared so much for him and that only caused the pain to swell.

An hour passed by and you’d finally stopped crying only because your body would no longer allow tears to fall. Your throat felt so ratchet and your eyes were swollen, bloodshot from the heavy sobbing you’d just done. You stared at the red curtain around you until your eyes had had enough and screwed shut, allowing your body to shut down completely.

You finally fell asleep only to wake up two hours later and realized that everyone else had returned, happily asleep in their beds. Your head throbbed with pain as you tried to sit up. Slowly, you closed your eyes and the memories of last night came flooding back. Your tears began to return, and you quickly buried your face in your pillow, not wanting anyone to hear you. 

_How could he do this to me, _you thought over and over again. _Why didn’t I see this coming? Why did I let myself get so close to him? _

Your thoughts spiraled all night until the sun rose and everyone else began to wake. Your entire body ached from tossing and turning all night and you had developed the most pain throbbing headache you’d ever felt. You pretended to sleep as others pushed aside their covers, dressing one by one. You had no desire to speak to anyone or hear about how _their_ night went_._ All you wanted was to close your eyes and disappear into a world that didn’t cause you so much agony. You wanted so badly to forget the last twelve hours of your life, you’d do anything to have that memory taken away, to go back to the simple life of the lonely bookworm you were before you met _him_. His face was etched into your brain, but you couldn’t bring yourself to picture his name. Your life was so simple before you opened that compartment door and decided to talk to the raven-haired boy across from you two years back. You’d always done so well on your own as you struggled to trust other. And maybe that was why you didn’t have many friends, why you’d never really been more than a peer or acquaintance to the other students at Hogwarts. You had refused to let anyone get close to you in the fear of it blowing up in your face and last night had proven that you were not wrong to make such a decision.

But the last few months were the best you’d had in your life, and the person you shared them with _was_ someone special to you, someone you thought you could trust. The only person you’d ever opened yourself to. Look how ruddy that relationship turned out. Perhaps it was best if you did return to scavenging by alone, avoid making any more friends and just swear off guys all together. It would be the easy, safer route to take. Insures that your heart won’t break any further than it already had. 

“You awake (Y/N)?” Jessica’s voice rang in your ears when she pulled the curtains back an inch to check on you. You kept still and didn’t respond, knowing if you did, you’d break down in front of her and the few girls left in the dorm. She closed the curtain when you didn’t reply, and you listened as she chatted with her friends. 

“She was the first to come in last night,” Jessica informed the girls. “Saw her leave the Ball early with that boy she was with.”

“Oh, they were a lovely couple,” Mary commented. “Wish I could have danced like that with my date. Adryan was an awful partner. I didn’t get a very good look at who she was with,”

“It was Severus,” your heart stopped at the sound of Lily’s voice. 

“No way! I would have never guessed!” Mary’s voice sounded shocked and you couldn’t blame her. He was practically unrecognizable last night, especially from afar. Almost everyone at the Ball, looked distinguishably different from how you were used to seeing them. It was hard for you to spot anyone you knew and those you did, took you awhile to find. It was such a beautiful, magical night, up until… _that unspeakable moment_.

“Come on, let’s leave her to rest,” Jessica had walked over and opened the door, waiting for the other two to leave before quietly shutting the door behind her.

You took in a deep breath, releasing it slowly, attempting to gather yourself and minimize the pain as you slowly opened your eyes. Finally, you were alone again. It was a relief at first, until you realized you were still accompanied by those nasty emotions from last night, coupled with that memory that had permanently burned itself into your brain. You tossed and turned a while before you pulled the curtain back just a little to let some light in, only to be stunned in place when your eyes landed on the rose that lay on your bedside table, the same rose _he’d_ given you when he asked you to the dance. You had charmed it so it was frozen in time, suspended, holding a hard but happy memory. You’d cherished it each day since your first kiss and it would bring you so much joy when you saw it. But now, you weren’t sure how you felt when you saw it once more. You weren’t happy, that’s for sure, but you weren’t mad either. You felt… nothing.

Your tears stopped as you cautiously leaned over, picking it up. You sat up in your bed as you twirled it around your fingers, your face frozen in a null expression. As you examined the flower, you remembered how hurt he was when he thought you had decided to go to the Ball with someone else and how he treated you when he was in such a state. You remembered how you confronted him and how he apologized to you, finally asking you to the dance. You had shared your first kiss holding this flower in your hand, hoping that the moment would never end. As your fingers gently ran over the soft petals, you could almost feel his lips pressed against yours again which lead your eyes to water. 

The more you looked at this rose, the more you thought of all the good memories you shared with him. Slowly, you found your mind filled only with sorrow as your anger and misery sept away. You missed him so much and you wanted to go back to the way things were so badly, but you knew that even if you forgave him, even if you forgot about what happened, he still wouldn’t be yours because his heart belonged to someone else. 

_What does she have that I don’t?_ You couldn’t fathom why he was so hopelessly in love with someone who very clearly did not return his feelings. She, in fact, had rejected him as a friend while you accepted him, flaws and all. So why did he still care so deeply for her? Jealousy began coursing through your veins as your mind flooded with memories of him with Lily. It had been so long since they even spoke, why was he still hung up on her after what happened between them at the end of last year?

After deciding to skip breakfast, you began to remove yourself from your covers and do the one thing you knew would help cheer you up and get your mind off of the drama that has become your life: read. As you stepped off your bed, you realized you were only wearing your underwear and bra, so you went to your trunk and began to rummage through it for that comfortable sweater you only wore on days you’d stay in. You stopped when you got a glimpse of a rich green hood. _H__is _robe. You still had them. The thought of burning them exited your head as fast as it entered and you simply moved your Quidditch uniform atop it, trying to forget something of his was in the midst of your belongings. You continued sifting through your things until you finally pulled out the sweater you were looking for, along with a pair of shorts.

You placed the sweater on your bed as you pulled on the shorts first. You took off your bra and threw it in your trunk before reaching for the sweater, but as you went to pull the sleeves up your arms, you noticed some marks that caused you to pause. Both your arms were bruised from where he’d grabbed you last night, trying to keep you from leaving. They didn’t really hurt as they were still fresh, but the red skin had become quite apparent throughout the night. You shook your head in disappointment from his abrupt actions. You understood he didn’t mean you harm, that he simply wanted you to stay, but that didn’t justify him placing his hands on you like that. 

After slipping the sweater over your shoulders, you went back to your trunk and took out a book, making your way back into bed and closed the curtains for privacy in case anyone was to reenter the dorm. You began to read, unsure of when you would leave the comfort of your bed. You were sure of one thing though; you weren’t going to let yourself fall apart like you did last time, and you surely weren’t going to make the same mistake of trusting him again.

You were stronger than that, smarter than that. It was hard to focus at first, but soon enough, the words on the page seemed to fill your mind, taking you away from reality for a brief moment.

“You’re still in bed?” Jessica had thrown your curtains aside and your eyes burned a little before adjusting to the new light. She’d startled you, taken you by surprise, but you quickly recovered as you came up with an excuse for her. 

“I’m just not feel all that well Jess,” you whispered. Your voice was so dry and raspy; you definitely sounded sick. 

“Is that why you left early last night?”

You nodded your head and examined her sympathetic expression. She seemed to buy your lie which you were thankful for as you did not want to tell her what really happened. Jessica was nice, caring and you’d heard one of the other girls call her the Mum of the girl’s dorm, which was incredibly accurate, but you were just not ready to confide in anyone.

“Do you want me to snag you some food from lunch?” she offered. 

“That would be great Jess, thank you.”

Perfect. Now you truly had no reason to leave the comfort of your dorm as you knew if you stepped outside those doors, _he _would try to confront you. You realized that he even had the password to the Gryffindor common room since you’d brought him in here during the first task of the Triwizard Tournament. How foolish you were to do such a thing. But you were confident he wouldn’t try to get in as he’d be very easily spotted. And even if he did, you had that old sexist charm that had been placed on the stairs to protect you. You were perfectly safe here, and you had no intention of leaving your comfort zone until you were sure you’d be able to face him once more. 

The next four days flew by relatively quickly as you stayed hidden in your dorm. Jessica was kind enough to bring you food whenever she could and eventually, you found your courage slowly returning. You’d calmed down quite a lot and the events of the Yule Ball had become lost on you. It felt like a weight was lifted from your shoulders when you finally kept your mind off of it for an entire day. By morning the next day, you felt safe enough to join everyone at breakfast, and you promised yourself that if you ran into _Severus_, you wouldn’t let him ruin your day.

The Great Hall was already so packed when you got there, but you quickly found a spot on the edge of the Gryffindor table and began eating while burying your face in a book you brought. You’d read so much these last few days, you felt unable to part without the comfort of a book by your side. It helped so much to lose yourself in the words, and you were so thankful for the stack of books you had brought from the Muggle World. 

After a few minutes, you grabbed some food and stuffed it into the pockets of your robe to head back to your dorm, feeling that was enough fresh air for now. Unfortunately, Severus had spotted you when you walked in and didn’t take his eyes off you as you ate. When you stood up to leave, he quickly made his way towards you in an attempt to try and talk to you.

“(Y/N), wait,” he said jumping in front of you, “Can we talk?” he’d began reaching for your arm, but stopped when you flinched backwards. You paused, looking at his suspended hand in fear.

“Y-you bruised me when you grabbed my arms on Friday,” you whispered, keeping your eyes on his hand as he slowly lowered it. The fear in your eyes tore his heart apart. He’d regretted being so rough with you that night, but he simply wanted you to stay, no, he _desperately needed _you to stay with him. 

“I-I’m so-so s-sorry (Y/N). I-I didn’t mean to, I just- I-,” you looked up and saw tears gathering under his bloodshot eyes. He stopped and looked back at you, trying to remember the speech he had prepared over the last week, but failed as his mind filled with the sight of you falling apart in front of him that night in the astronomy tower. “Please (Y/N). Don’t let this be the end,” he begged. “This can’t be the end.”

“I can’t do this,” you whispered, fighting back tears.

“I’m sorry,” he said in a last attempt to keep you from running away. But it didn’t work. You managed to slip past him and began sprinting to your dorm in tears. All that effort you’d put in gluing yourself back together, shattered in seconds. Your hands shook as you stuffed your face back into your pillow, slipping back into the safety of your bed. You couldn’t let him keep you from living your life, from enjoying the few days you had left before you were swarmed with homework again. Each day you got up from your bed was a gamble as you were still so fragile, but you did your best to roam around the castle for as long as you could before hiding again.

You continued alluding Severus, ignoring him each time you spotted a glimpse of him, and he kept his distance as he knew anything he said wouldn’t help the situation. You both needed time apart to clear your minds, that had become abundantly clear from your last encounter. 

As classes resumed you found it harder and harder to keep your mind off him as you shared most of your classes together. It hurt you to see him or Lily and you didn’t know how to make it stop.

Severus felt his heart tear every time he saw your sad eyes.

He couldn’t bring himself to admit that it was over. He couldn’t let you go, not when everything had been going so well. He hoped and prayed everything would return to how it once was somehow, but he didn’t know how to get you back. He had ruined the best thing in his life with a single word and he knew there was nothing he could say to fix it.


	13. Gifts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s Sev’s birthday and you are suddenly reminded of the gift you’d bought before the incident after the Yule Ball. You debate on what to do with it and eventually see there is only one clear choice.

January 9th. You looked at the clock that had just struck midnight. _Happy birthday Sev, _you thought as you shifted over in your bed for the millionth time. You had so many conflicted emotions. You still cared for Severus so much, you would even dare say you still loved him. But he had stomped on your heart _again_. For the first time in seven days, your mind flooded with thoughts of him the instant you’d realized today’s date. He was never one for birthdays, even flinching last year when you said those two simple words to him. He’d barely forced himself to mumble a quick ‘thank you’ as he avoided your gaze. You had hoped that this year would be different, that you could really celebrate it with him, show him he was allowed to enjoy a day focused solely on him. How would he spend his birthday now? 

Though you’d done your best to avoid him, you couldn’t help but glance in his direction every once in a while over the last few weeks, and each time you did, you realized just how horrible a state he was in. You first noticed his deteriorating appetite as he’d often skip meals and barely stayed five minutes if he showed up at all. His focus in class was beyond concerning as you’d never known him to forget his homework or get in trouble for neglecting his in-class demonstrations. Was all this just because you two were over? You weren’t even the one to end it. That was him. He’s the one who was in love with someone else, so why was he so hung over on you? It should be the other way around, you’re the one that should be sulking down the halls of the castle, not him. But despite the circumstances, you’d managed to avoid doing such a thing as you had actually managed to indulge yourself in your studies, proving it to be a great remedy to your heartbreak. 

Reading helped a lot, but unfortunately, you’d been diving into the world of fiction so often, you hadn’t realized you only had two books left in your trunk. So, you began to slow down and distracted yourself by other means, one of which was resuming your goal of reading every book in the Hogwarts library. You’d already read all the Herbology and Charms books in your previous years and you couldn’t muster up the courage to go near the Potions or even Defense Against the Dark Arts sections of the library, so you opted to master Transfiguration instead.

Because of this, Professor McGonagall seemed to take quite a liking to you these last two weeks as you’d very quickly risen to the top of her class. Transfiguration’s quite a unique art that you grew to appreciate a lot as you quickly made your way through the few books the school had on the subject. It was a shame they had such little material on a core subject, though you suspected most of the books were locked away in the restricted area and for good reason as Transfiguration’s a very dangerous practice that most wizards and witches avoided if they could. Perhaps you could ask McGonagall to let you read something on Animagus’. That would surely provide you with a few weeks’ worth of material to study as the ability to transform into an animal was a very tricky skill; one that took most months to accomplish.

You closed your eyes and tried to think of something other than Severus as you forced yourself to fall asleep. You woke up four hours later and thanks to the dream you’d had about baking a cake with Severus, you thought about nothing but the birthday boy himself. You opened your eyes and stared blankly at the ceiling as you let out a long soft sigh. Falling back asleep was a battle you knew you would lose, as you had been unable to get more than five hours of sleep each night since the Yule Ball. It wasn’t all that bad as you’d gotten more hours out of the day, though at first, it did frustrate you as you’d previously only found peace during your dreamless nights. After a few nights however, you began to make the most of your situation and tried to be as productive as you could; finishing your homework, studying your class notes and of course, reading your daily pick from the library.

You slowly removed the sheets from your bed and got dressed, careful not to wake those still asleep. You went to go retrieve your books for the day when a package in your trunk caught your attention. Your eyes started to water as you remembered that you had bought Severus a gift. You had glossed over it these last few weeks, its contents hadn’t really registered until now. It had cost you most of your summer savings, but you knew he would love it, so at the time, you hadn’t questioned the purchase. You wanted to make his birthday special, and you were sure this gift would do just that. You weren’t sure what to do with it now that you had broken up. You wanted him to have it. He deserved something nice after all the second-hand books he had to buy, but you had no interest in seeing him or talking to him after what he’d done.

It’s true, you had managed to somewhat stitch yourself back together again, but the last time you two spoke, you shattered to pieces and you weren’t sure you were strong enough to put yourself together if that happened again. Your thoughts returned once more to Severus and his degrading mental and physical state. A part of you worried over him, wondering why no one from his house had gone to help him, or at least involved his Head of House. But the other part, the other part of you was still so angry with him and wanted him to suffer, to feel what you felt. You hadn’t been this conflicted about something in such a long time, you forgot how dizzy you could get when your indecisiveness took over. 

You couldn’t keep the book, that’s for sure. It reminded you too much of him. It was bad enough you still had a few of his trinkets stuffed at the bottom of your trunk. If you kept this book, you were sure that’s where it would end up. But then what? Was the bottom of your trunk simply going to remain a place for you to hide the things that reminded you of him? That wasn’t right. But you couldn’t get rid of it either. You couldn’t even bring yourself to throw away that damn rose. It still meant so much to you because _he _still meant so much to you. You threw it in your trunk instead, accompanied by that old Potions book he’d given you. It broke your heart when you found it in your bag, so you quickly retired it, throwing it into your trunk as well. You wondered if he regretted giving you that book now that you weren’t sure if you’d ever give it back. The thought of handing him back his book, never mind his robe didn’t even cross your mind as you’d subconsciously decided you never wanted to see him again. So there lay his Slytherin robe, atop his book and rose, covered up by your unused Quidditch uniform at the bottom of your trunk, hidden away as you pretended it wasn’t there, just like your feelings for him. 

As you continued to stare at the package, debating on what to do with it, your choices eventually became very limited as the clear choice of what to do appeared in your mind like a moth to a flame: you had to give him the book. You had, after all, bought it for him. It was only right you use it as intended, but that doesn’t mean it was going to be easy. 

You got dressed and for the first time in a long time, you spent the entire day thinking about Severus. Mostly about how you were possibly going to find the courage you needed to talk to him. You went through the motions in class, taking notes, practicing whatever topic you were covering that day. But when Potions finally rolled around, you had an immense amount of trouble focusing as you ran over what you would say to Severus when handing him his gift. You thought about simply giving it to him, saying a quick ‘happy birthday’ and sprinting away. But that just didn’t sit right with you for many reasons. For one, it was flat out rude, and you were not the type to hurt others, even if they hurt you first. You also wanted to take this opportunity to talk to him, let him know how you felt and that he can’t continue to toy around with your emotions the way he has these last few months.

You did your best in class to stay focused, but the words in your textbook flew right over your head as your eyes scanned the pages. You kept thinking about the little speech you’d prepared and couldn’t stop glancing over in the direction where Severus sat. He seemed distracted the entire class, lazily brewing his potion as he’d simple throw in ingredients without letting it steep or stir its contents. Although he was still the first in class to finish his potion, the color didn’t look as vibrant as you knew it should have been, which was very odd as this was the first time you’d seen a potion of his with so many imperfections. Not that you were one to judge as your own potion wasn’t even the right shade of green. This had to be one of the worst concoctions you’d ever brewed. It had an odd burnt smell and it was much too thin to actually be used. It was hard to care about the failing grade you would receive however with your attention divide, focusing on the encounter you knew was coming closer with every minute that passed. 

You felt your nerves prickle intensely as the minutes went by. You began impatiently bouncing your knee as you waited for your complete failure of a potion to simmer down so you could hand it in. You suddenly remembered how nervous you were during Quidditch trials in third year. The intensity of the nerves was the same today but, the situation was very different as it was less about doing your best and more about conquering your fears. But you had to do this, you’d decided this morning that you would, and you were not about to back down. 

Ignoring the pain your bruised heart emitted, you cautiously followed Severus after class, making sure to stay hidden not wanting him to see you until you were ready to approach him. He was walking a lot slower than usual as he dragged his feet past the herd of moving students, occasionally bumping into one as he kept his gaze on the ground. Ten minutes passed and you still found yourself following him. You weren’t sure at this point if he was simply walking around or if he had a destination in mind. The route he was taking was awfully familiar to you though as it was the same route you would take after class together to the astronomy tower. But surely that’s not where he was headed. Why would he go there after what happened?

You felt your heart thumping anxiously against your chest, as if telling you to abort your mission as you cut through the courtyard and watched the tall gloomy figure you were following head to the one place you had spent the last few weeks trying to forget. You paused outside the tower and took a few deep breaths as you placed your hand over the doorknob, trying to dig up that quality the Sorting Hat saw powerful enough to place you in Gryffindor. You let your hand fall from the door a few times as they shook from the thought of what you were about to do.

Finally, you opened the door a full six minutes later and slowly made your way up the stairs. Each step you took caused your anxiety to rise further and as you made it to the top, you felt your eyes water at the thought of facing Severus in the room he had torn your heart to pieces. You took another short moment to gather yourself as you wiped away the single tear that slipped from your left eye. Letting one last final breath slowly escape your lips, you twisted the doorknob and cracked open the door.

Severus’ head immediately shot up in defense when he heard the door open, angry at whoever was about to step into his personal space. But when he saw you take a step into the room, his eyes softened and the angry expression on his face melted away, replaced with a surprised and compassionate look. You locked eyes with him and noticed he was sitting in the same spot you would usually sit together. hunched over his book. Your heart swelled at the thought of his sentiment, though normally accompanied by a rush of joy, this time, you felt a somber wave pump through your body instead. 

“Y-you still come here?” you managed to whisper as you stepped forward, closing the door behind you. As you took another step towards him, you noticed his eyes were red and swollen. It was a look all too familiar to you as you’d spent about two weeks after the Yule Ball staring at similar sad eyes each time you looked in the mirror. He was sniffling and attempting to quickly wipe away the few tears on his cheeks, letting his hair shower him, trying to hide his face from you. 

Severus looked back up to see you still standing there. He couldn’t believe you were there in front of him, that you had come looking for him. Pausing in awe, it took him a moment to register your question. When he did, he slowly nodded his head, not daring to take his eyes off you as he feared that if he even blinked for a second, you would disappear.

“(Y/N),” he whispered as he slowly stood up and began to take a few steps towards you. “I-I-I-I’m so so sorry (Y/N), I-I don’t even know how to-”

“Stop,” you struggled to say anything further, but he obliged to your request and froze, wide eyed, waiting for you to make the next move. You took a moment, looking at the ground before speaking again, as you suddenly felt a rush of emotions overwhelm you. The reality of the situation sunk in and you could feel your hands shaking again as your eyes watered.You pressed your palms against your thighs in an attempt to stabilize them before looking back up at him._ Here goes nothing._

“Look Severus, I still care about you. A lot… But I’m tired of having my heart broken because of your _loyalty issues_,” your eyes kept shifting between his and the ground. You were so scared of breaking down in front of him, but you tried to hold on to your courage as you struggled to remember the next part of your speech.

“I want to be with you (Y/N). I don’t-”

“Just,” you raised a hand and rose your voice enough to stop him. He obeyed and listened as you continued, “Just let me finish,” you took a deep breath and closed your eyes. “I understand that I can’t compare to her. She was your first love and I understand that. But I can’t keep doing this Sev. I can’t continue to be your second choice because… my heart-“ you broke off as you couldn’t contain the tears anymore. You looked away from him a moment, trying to cover your face with your hair as you closed your eyes, breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth. You’d been using this simple breathing exercise a lot lately, and it seemed relatively effective at stopping your tears.

Severus struggled to keep his own tears back. He watched as you placed a hand on your chest, trying to even out your breaths as your shoulders heaved up and down. Seeing your pain tore his heart and each moment that passed felt like eternal torture. His eyes locked with yours as you found the strength to speak again.

“My heart Severus can’t take any more of your bullshit!” your eyes carried sorrow, yet your voice remained so very calm. He was surprised at your ability to control your emotions, seemingly without any effort. It was taking him all he had not to bury his face in your hair as he hugged you, begging for forgiveness. “You need to decide what you want. You need to decide who you want,” you took a few steps towards him. “And because I care for you, I am willing to wait for you to see that I’ll always be here for you.”

Severus held his tongue, knowing you weren’t done as your eyes seemed to shift, searching for the next words to say. He wanted to tell you that he’d already decided, that he knew who he wanted, but he knew it would do no good, that you wouldn’t believe him.

You hesitated, trying to remember what else you had wanted to tell him. But as you could no longer find the strength to say anymore, you decided to reach for your bag and pull out a package so neatly wrapped, held by a thin piece of twine tied in a simple bow. “I bought this for you before-” you paused trying not to think of what happened between you two. “It’s your birthday present,” you said looking up at him. You give him a small smile, feeling your heart tug at the sight of his glossy black eyes. The only times you had seen him like this was when one of the boys in your house had picked on him or on the rare occasion when he talked about his parents. Normally, you would smile at him and comfort him when he had that sad look in his eyes.

You couldn’t help but reach up to wipe away a tear running down his cheek. It was like instinct and as soon as your thumb brushed against his cheek, you couldn’t stop yourself._ A moment of weakness, that’s what this was_, you told yourself. He let out a small gasp at the contact, closing his eyes to prolong the moment as much as he could. He missed your touch more than he cared to admit. He’d been a complete wreck these last few weeks, to have you here again, talking to you, feeling your soft skin against his, it was a relief he wasn’t ready to let go of just yet. 

When you took your hand away, he opened his eyes and looked back at you, doing his best to resist the urge to grab your hand, squeezing it in comfort. His eyes lingered down towards your lips and he felt a heavy weight in his chest as he remembered how enchanting they felt against his own. He finally looked down at the package in your hand and suddenly realized why you came here. He’d been in so busy mopping lately, that he’d forgotten: today was his birthday. But even still, why had you decided to give him a gift after what he’d done?

“You don’t have to give me that (Y/N),” he whispered softly, “I know that I don’t deserve anything from you.”

“Severus, I would gladly give you the world if you asked me to,” you took his hand and put it over your gift as you gently pushed it into his chest. “Take it. Enjoy the rest of your birthday Sev.”

That’s it. That’s all you had. You quickly picked up your bag and made your way towards to door. That wasn’t so bad. It was therapeutic almost. It felt good to get out what you wanted to say to him. You felt lighter as you made your way to the door, pausing just as you turned the knob and pulled.

“Happy birthday,” you whispered before quickly making your way out, not wanting to hear a ‘thank you’ awkwardly slip from his lips. As you closed the door, you felt your chest rise and fall as you straighten out your back in content. A small smile made its way to your lips, happy with how your confrontation went. You were glad that you’d pushed yourself this far and only hoped that he’d taken your words to heart.

Severus was frozen in the same place you left him. He couldn’t take his eyes off you and when the door closed behind you, as the image of your figure disappeared from his mind, he thought that he perhaps had hallucinated the enter encounter. But the package he held in his hands proved otherwise. You were always so kind to him, and even now, after he’d broken your heart, you’d still found a way to be there for him, to show him remorse and love. He truly didn’t deserve you, he knew that, and he’d meant those words he spoke to you. So did that make him selfish for wanting you back in his life?

He didn’t know what to do with himself. He had no one else to talk to, no one else to confide in, no one else to comfort him. He slowly made his way back to where he was sitting and stared at the package in his hand. He could feel his heart race as the significance of the gesture you made began to edge its way into his chest. He turned it to each of its sides admiring the care you put into wrapping it Flipping it back to its front, he started tracing the heart you had drawn next to his name. This was the first time he’d seen you write his name since you’d began dating and it sent warm sparks buzzing through his chest as if he was suddenly seeing his name in a new light. He kept his fingers carefully lingered over his name as if reaching to capture your love through the ink. 

He reached into the inner pocket of his robe and pulled out a small object, squeezing it tightly in his fist. It was the only thing that helped him get by lately and he’d always keep it close to his heart, careful not to lose it or let it out of his sight. He very carefully placed his knuckles over the package and loosened his grip, letting the little object fall above the ‘V’ in his name. His eyes lingered between it and your writing, feeling a small bit of comfort before picking it back up, gently tracing it’s outline. He’d been doing that so often lately, he had its shape memorized down to the last detail. Once he’d calmed enough to open your gift, he put the little red and gold pin back in his pocket, safely tucking it away before turning his attention back on the package on his lap. 

He carefully unwrapped it making sure not to tear your handwriting, tearing around his name and folded the paper, placing it in his pocket next to your pin. Once he had finally pulled away all the wrapping, his breath hitched as his eyes examined the beautiful cover of the newest edition of the potions book he had been wanting for months. He must have mentioned it to you every time you were together, always talking about the author and how she was the only Potioner that seemed to be publishing accurate information on the topic. His first thought when he picked up the book was to find time alone with you so you could read it together, only to remember that you were no longer speaking to one another. 

He fought his mind as it tried to take him back to the last time he read or studied with you. It had been so long since he held you in his arms as you snuggled up next to him, sharing a book between you two. He could always tell when you were done reading a page because you would start rubbing small circles over his stomach with your index finger, patiently waiting for him to turn the page. His mind got lost in memories of you but was suddenly snapped back when a tear landed on the cover of his new book. He quickly tried to wipe it away with his sleeve, but most of it had already leaked into the cloth of the front cover, over the title, ‘Potions: A New Perspective’. He couldn’t take it anymore. It was too much. He had to put the book away and leave the tower before he melted into the floor.

He quickly gathered up his things and sprinted towards the exit. After opening the door, he paused, much like you did, and looked back at the place he once felt safe and comfortable in, the place he’d always run to during bad times, wishing that it still represented the love you had for each other rather than the sour emotions that it now emulated. He closed the door with a heavy heart and with the hope that the next time he stepped into that room, it would be with you. 


	14. Split in Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Struggling to make sense of his emotions, Severus decided to take a stroll down Hogsmeade in the hopes of clearing his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Language

It had been almost four weeks since his birthday, since he spoke to you last. It was as a rather gloomy afternoon when he found himself in the library searching for a new book to read, the selection in his trunk becoming rather mundane. He wanted so badly to open his bag and start reading the book you’d given him, but he knew that if he tried to, the pages would be ruined by the salty waterfall his eyes would create. So, he came here instead, seeking for a book, the type of book he was used to: old, used and not worthy of being cared for. 

The days were hard for Severus at first. Hard to get out of bed, hard to fall asleep, hard to eat, to pay attention during class… to keep his mind off you. But how could he, how could he stop thinking about the girl he didn’t even get to say a proper goodbye to? The girl he’d grown so close to these last few years had disappeared from his life, snatched from him just when he thought he’d never go another day without her, without her love.

It wasn’t until Slughorn held him back after Potions one day that he’d started to get back into his usual school activities. The Potions Master voiced his utter disappointment in his grades that day, stating he’d even gone out of his way to talk to his other Professors, all saying the same thing; Severus had been greatly slacking in class, resulting in a deterioration in his grades. 

But how could he focus on school when his heart had gone so cold? Slughorn rambled on about his duties as his Head of House to get Severus back on track, something rather about his potential being wasted. In all honesty, Severus wasn’t really listening to him. His mind flickered between grasping at his Professor’s words and memories of you, more specifically, the last memory he had of you. He’d held onto the image of you in the astronomy tower telling him ‘happy birthday’ since that day. Seeing you smile again was the only reason he’d been able to remove himself out of his bleakness to start concentrating on his studies again. 

He still found it hard to focus however, feeling uneasy at the fact that he’d so badly hurt you, but it was at least enough to get Slughorn and the rest of his Professors off his back. It wasn’t hard to get back on track. He’d easily caught up to his fellow students as the material covered was elementary to him. But as soon as he abandoned his most prevalent activity of sulking in his bed all day, he suddenly found his hands full of free time. Time, he realized, he’d normally spend with you, but seeing as how that wasn’t an option right now, he opted to get back into reading. The only friends he seemed to have left were his books as he’d grown apart from his other Slytherin peers long ago, choosing to spend his time with you instead.

His frustration crawled up his skin as his body tensed, unable to find a useful Herbology book he hadn’t already read. Finally, he gave up and found a seat nearby, placing his bag on the table as he slowly reached for the crisp new book in his bag. He traced the outline of the design on the front cover, carefully examining every detail before flipping it over and doing the same to the back. He wanted so badly to read it, to thank you for it, to ask if you’d indulge him in sharing the knowledge that it offered, but each time he so much as caught a glimpse of the book, he was reminded of the broken bond between you two. He traced the front cover one last time before deciding he’d at least look at the first few pages, up until the beginning of the first chapter at least. With a deep breath he turned to the first page and was shocked to see a note from you. He froze at the sight of his name in your writing. He knew it so well, he could pinpoint the places where you’d added extra pressure to the quill. 

His heart began thumping against his ribcage, reminding him of the only two trinket’s he had from you stashed in his pocket. He reached into his robe and removed the pin along with the folded piece of paper which he unraveled, placing on top of your note, below his name. His eyes flickered between his own name, written twice now by you; once on the wrapping of the very book that held the second occurrence. Severus circled his thumb around the pin in his left hand as he rubbed his eyes in fear of breaking down in the library if he attempted to read the rest of your note. His own name already tore him up, how would he be able to handle the rest of the note?

Slowly, he removed the torn wrapping away and glimpsed over the nicely printed writing, matching that of which his name was written. It was only a few lines, surely he’d manage to read it without making a scene. But as soon as his eyes focused on the first word, his right hand instinctively went to cover it again as his left gripped your pin tighter than ever. _This is stupid, _he thought, _I can’t be scared of a note. _It was indeed ridiculous how fearful he’d become of reading what you had to say to him. But perhaps that wasn’t the problem. Severus soon came to realize the reason your note was something he feared reading wasn’t because it was you who’d written it, it was because he knew you’d written it before what happened, before he pushed you away and wrecked your relationship. He knew your note would be filled with nothing but love and he wasn’t ready- no, he wasn’t _deserving _of that yet.

It felt like cheating. Like he was somehow handed your love without earning it first. Or perhaps this was some sort of test he had bestowed upon himself. If he could feel some sort of burning passion when he read this note, maybe there was still hope he’d mend your relationship. But what if the exact opposite happens and he instead finds himself thinking of someone else. He’d been convincing himself this past month that he didn’t harbor feelings for Lily, it didn’t even cross his mind that he could potentially fall out of love with you. Problem was, he thought he’d fallen out of love with Lily when he’d fallen in love with you, but that clearly wasn’t the case. His feelings were jumbled up, he’d been so afraid to try and sort them in fear of finding a truth he wouldn’t like. 

_Enough of this, I have to read it. It’d only right. _It was unfair to you if he didn’t read it. You’d written the note for him and it would be rude if he simply ignored it. He convinced himself that reading it would be to show you respect whereas ignoring it would be like shunning your love, and he didn’t want that. No, it was best he get over this absurd fear and prove to himself, he indeed still loves you. 

As if moving in slow motion, his fingers gently slide the cover over your note down until he could see your signature at the bottom. His eyes cautiously lingered over the beginning of your note where you’d written his name before moving to the right, carefully reading every word you wrote.

_Severus,_

_You once handed me your most loved book to show me how much I mean to you. I carry that book with me every day to remind me that there is someone in this world that cares about me as much as I do them. So, I hope that this book can show you how much you mean to me in return._

_Happy birthday, Sev._

_With all my love,_

_(Y/N)_

Severus read the note over and over again until his vision blurred, unable to take in another word. He couldn’t flip to the next page and he couldn’t close the book. He couldn’t believe you felt this way about him. Or more accurately, how you _used to _feel. You no doubt didn’t feel this way about him anymore, not after what he’d done. 

He wondered what you really would have written if you’d done so recently. Would you have put so much care into keeping your words aligned? Would you have put so much love into your signature? Or would you have written a long winded ‘fuck you’ instead? All these questions swam in his head as he continued to obsessively read over your note, seeking the answers. But as he read, the number of questions only seemed to increase. He had to stop before this got even more out of hand. At least he hadn’t broken down, or worse, thought of Lily when reading your note. He finally closed the book and stuffed it into his bag as he leaned back in his chair, trying to sift through all his thoughts about you. 

Hours went by and he found himself unable to get his mind off your note. He still hadn’t read a word of the book, but he cherished it so much. It very quickly became his most prized possession as he slept with it that night, feeling it was the only way he could be close to you right now. He’d occasionally open it to read over your note, finding himself completely unable to sleep, but it was more just to linger his fingers over your writing as he’d already memorized the words on the page. It comforted him to see you sign something to him with so much love and he could feel himself clinging to your words, depending on them even. But there was something else that caused him to reopen that book, something in your note stuck with him. Something you said seemed to resonate within him, as if you had given him the final piece of a puzzle he didn’t even know he was solving. It was strange and he could feel something clicking in the back of his mind, but he couldn’t quite put a finger on what it was your words were trying to tell him.

The next morning, Severus found himself sitting in the corner of the common room, legs crossed with ‘Potions: A New Perspective’ opened on his lap. He’d been the first to rise each morning, unable to find peace at night because of the current predicament he’d found himself in with you. He read over your note again and again without the slightest interest in turning the page. He wanted to figure out what it was about your note that kept him up at night, but this was one puzzle, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to solve. 

“Did you hear about Madam Gladstone’s shop? She’s closing down,” Severus shifted in his seat as he glared at the two third year girls making their way into the common room, finding seats near the fireplace. 

“That old jewelry store near the Hog’s Head?” asked the other girl.

“Yup, that’s the one. Come with me, I hear she’s trying to clear all her inventory. I’m hoping to bargain for these earrings I’ve been wanting to get for my mum.”

Severus scoffed. Jewelry. Who could be thinking about such an insignificant thing at a time like this? It angered him that the world kept spinning, his peers enjoying their time, talking about the Hogsmeade trip today when he was in such a dilemma, trying to figure out all the emotions he felt. How could everyone else be having fun while he sat there, sulking over the loss of the only good thing in his life? He felt revolted as he listened to the two girls talking about the type of things they wanted to buy from that damn jewelry shop. How dare they interrupt his train of thought; how dare they speak of such trivial things.

Severus couldn’t take it anymore. He got up, stuffing his book in his bag and stormed out of the common room, making his way to the Great Hall for breakfast. Things only got worse for him as student’s slowly rolled into breakfast talking about nothing other than the Hogsmeade trip. His frustration grew as he listened to others laughing, talking happily about the lovely day they had planned. Severus sighed and leaned back in his seat, slowly scanning the room. Going to Hogsmeade wasn’t even a question he considered debating as his day to day life was always the same since the night of the Yule Ball and he never thought of doing anything else. Though perhaps it would be prudent for him to get some fresh air and needless to say, everything in this castle irritated him as he would always find himself thinking of your broken heart. 

He shook his head, annoyed in how ridiculous it was considering going to Hogsmeade. Yet he found himself heading back to his dorm to grab a sweater in preparation to join the excited crowd gathering at the Entrance Hall. _A change in scenery, that’s all. That’s what I need_, he thought. He’d convinced himself that roaming around a place that didn’t constantly remind him of you would do him some good, that it would help clear his mind and help him figure out what he needed to do next. But a small part of him felt guilty. Guilty for trying to escape this internal prison he’d created for himself as a punishment for breaking your heart. But what good would sitting around staring at your handwriting do? He hadn’t gotten anywhere last night simply reading over your note. He hadn’t figured out why he’d said Lily’s name instead of yours, he hadn’t figured out what part of your note kept him awake at night, he hadn’t figured out how to get you back yet. So what harm would a change in scenery do? Perhaps a butterbeer could help him find the answers to all these questions, or maybe if he visited that bookshop, he could find something to give you. A gesture to thank you for the gift he’d received. Or perhaps this was all an excuse to escape the perpetual state of sorrow he found himself in every morning. 

He grabbed his money bag and shook it, revealing how little his mother managed to give him this summer. It was all he had though, and he’d gladly trade everything he owned to have you back in his life. He opened his trunk and placed the book you’d gifted him safely atop the rest of his textbooks before locking it with a quick flick of his wand. Hesitantly, he made his way out of the dungeon finding groups of students heading to the Entrance Hall on his way. He’d always enjoyed these trips because it meant that the castle was a lot emptier than usual. During the last Hogsmeade trip, he had spent the entire day with you in your favorite parts of the castle, uninterrupted by other students. Oh how he wished he’d be heading to meet you in the library rather than surrounding himself with ecstatic insolent children. 

Severus walked the streets of Hogsmeade watching fellow Hogwarts students zipping from Zonko’s to The Three Broomsticks, not knowing where to go or what to do with himself. He’d barely been here three minutes and already he felt it was a mistake to leave the solitude he’d created back at the castle. He seeped in his thoughts as his feet dragged him down the street where Beverley’s Bookshop stood. 

Pausing outside the store, he peered inside and remembered the first time he’d brought you here. How your eyes lit up as you browsed the latest arrivals, and when you saw the price tags, you didn’t revolt back as he thought you might. No, you simply told him that though you might not afford it now, you would in the future. A smirk began to form ever so slightly on the corner of his lips. At the time, he thought you mad for having such high hopes, but he now admired you for it and was humbled that you’d also believed he could have just as bright of a future.

He sighed as the old memory of you faded and made his way into the store. But as soon as the door swung open and he began to scan the room, he froze in place, his eyes landing on a very familiar book, displayed at the top of the new arrivals section as if being showcased as a rare treasure. It was the same book you’d gifted him, and he wondered if this was the store you bought it from. He can’t look at the price, he knew it would be expensive and he knew that if he saw that number, it would only increase his guilt. The thought that you’d spend so much on him weighed heavily on his shoulders. His own mother would never have been so selfless as to spend a small fortune for him, so why would you?

He resisted all those small urges telling him to pick up that display book and turned his attention instead to the clearance section._ Read it. Boring. Complete rubbish. _None of these books brought him any joy and he didn’t even bother looking at the ones he had yet to read. He turned once more and saw that damn book in the corner of his eye. That’s it. He had to leave. He’d come to Hogsmeade to try and clear his mind from your note. He couldn’t stay in a place with a different copy of the book you gave him, tormenting him. Perhaps this was a sign. A sign that he deserved the pain he felt, to be constantly reminded of what he’d done, of the look on your face when he broke your heart. 

He sprinted towards the door in frustration, wanting to melt into the ground along with the thin layer of snow beneath his feet. He let out a long heavy sigh and watched the cloud of air escape his lips. Shaking his head, he made his way to the Hog’s Head thinking perhaps a butterbeer would help ease his mind. 

As he entered the gloomy establishment, he finally found himself relax if only just a little. The one thing he liked most about this place was how little attention it got. He’d be able to read in peace whilst enjoying the reward of an occasional butterbeer. He took a seat near the window, away from the group of three in the corner, feeling a slight bit of solitude. Instinctively, he reached into his bag searching for your book, only to remember he’d left it back in his dorm, safe in his locked trunk. It was probably for the best it stayed there, not that he needed it as he knew he still wouldn’t read a single word. He soon began repeating your words to him in his head, dislodging himself from the real world enough that he didn’t notice the bartender standing beside him. 

Severus jumped in his chair as he turned away from the window and peering into the hard-blue eyes of the man beside him. 

“I asked what I can get for you,” he irritably repeated.

“Butterbeer,” replied Severus. He watched as the man nodded and walked back to the bar. Looking around the bar, he noticed how few students showed up here. Most would opt for The Three Broomsticks, and indeed he assumed that’s where the groups of friends leaving nearby shops were headed. 

Severus handed the bartender a few coins before picking up his glass and indulging himself in his drink. The taste was odd. It wasn’t as sweet as he’d remembered. It seemed watered down, more depressing than before. Though perhaps the drink wasn’t the problem as he couldn’t get the thought of you out of his head. He’d tried so hard to take a breather, to try and get back into his usual schedule but it was no good. He had to figure out how to answer some of those damn questions swimming in his brain like a cobra waiting to pounce each instance his thoughts strayed away from you. 

He chugged the rest of his drink, hoping he’d stop thinking about the last time he’d sat at this bar with you. Looking outside he watched a group of students emerging from that jewelry store he’d heard those two young Slytherins talk about this morning. The three Ravenclaws seemed content with their purchase as they walked down the street. In fact, all the students he saw outside seemed content with their day. His eyes went back to the store as he examined the ‘Closing. Everything must go’ banner overtop the old chipped sign of the shops name. 

You were never a jewelry person, being a Quidditch player and all, jewelry just wasn’t your thing. Which was probably why this was the only shop he hadn’t explored with you when you’d come down to Hogsemeade in the past as he also shared no interest in what this store had to offer. Rolling his eyes, he got up from where he sat and made his way to the exit, finding his feet dragging him to Madam Gladstone’s Jewelry shop. He entered the shop carrying his final shred of hope of finding whatever it was he was looking for. 

As he opened the door, he immediately noticed the crowd of students that were browsing her diminishing selection. The layout of the store was split into so many sections, so many walls filled with antique metals and shimmering stones. It was a lot larger than it appeared from the outside, and it surprised him how well assorted the selection was. He was so overwhelmed by everything going on in the little shop, he seemed to have stopped in his place, in front of the entrance. 

“Can I help you look for anything dear” a short thin old woman with tired-looking hazel eyes had approached Severus. _This must be Madam Gladstone_, he thought, looking at her with a blank expression. 

“I’m… not sure what I’m looking for” he replied still gazing around the shop. More like he wasn’t sure why he was here at all. He felt so out of place, but it seemed entering this shop finally allowed his mind to clear, giving him the chance to think without the worry of a blood curdling headache hitting him. The more he gazed around the shop, the more at ease he felt. He walked over to one of the only sections not surrounded by intrigued students and browsed the antique watches. It was rather peaceful watching the hands tick, tracing the intricate designs with his eyes. 

Of course, he wasn’t interested in purchasing any of them. What would he do with a watch? He’d tried wearing one once around his left wrist, but he hated the weight, feeling it slowing him down as he read. Worse than that was when he tried brewing a potion in class with it on. It completely threw him off and he finally took it off completely disregarding it with no interest in ever trying to carry a watch again. 

Severus moved on from the watches and slowly began walking to the more precious section of the store. Everything in this corner was encased in glass, safely tucked away behind an enchantment he assumed only the shopkeeper would be able to break. He eyed the two girls beside him as they brought their faces so close to the glass, he could see a bit of green in the brown of one of the girl’s eyes. There were all kinds of things in here; tie clippings, broches, earrings, even buttons. But unlike the other items in the shop, each piece here was accompanied by quite a lengthy description card, explaining all the magical properties the object emitted as well as a brief history. As he leaned in to read the card under the three buttons, he began to understand why these items were so highly protected. 

_Charmed with an old spell created by the late Amelia Adley, these buttons obtain the ability to re-stitch any tears on the item to which they are placed. Simply replace your buttons with these and watch as your clothing return to their once past glory. _

_Fearing her work stolen, Lady Adley refused to share her inventions with others and only trusted her journal which is now kept in the Museum of Old Magic in London. The spell used to charm these buttons was never recovered and though many have tried, all have failed in replicating it. Only a handful of buttons remain holding her magic, three of which are available right here in this very shop. ~Estimated date of creation: 1796-1803_

_2050 Galleons - Sale Price 2000 Galleons _

It must have taken a lot of work to preserve all of these items if they all contained magic as old as the one enchanting these buttons. Severus moved down the selection, reading each card until he reached the end where the two girls had been hovering. He had to admit to himself, it was quite intriguing to learn of these delicate items and he suddenly found himself pleased he’d decided to venture out into the village tonight. 

Disappointment edged its way to his temple as he read the last card of the cufflinks displayed and as he turned away from the case, he found himself on the hem of what appeared to be a section dedicated to couples. Most items were accompanied by its matching twin though there was one item on the other side of the section that caused him to question whether or not the shop owner bothered to check the validity of the magic in the items before putting them out for sale. He walked closer to it and began reading the ticket under it.

_Two in one. In addition to keeping one of your most precious memories safe, this special trinket will…_

He paused as soon as he saw the second half of the card and shook his head. No, there’s no way it would be capable of such a thing. Love was such a complex emotion, something he knew from personal experience. How could this locket tell him who it was he cared about most in this world? His heart thumped against his chest as he grew angry with the necklace hanging on the wall. This had to be some sort of trick. Something to simply entice the customers into buying the stupid thing, thinking it would help them find happiness and yet, he found himself reaching for it. The card said that a name would appear on the locket’s front simply by touch, so what name would appear if he grabbed it? It had to be your name, right? He loves you, he knew that. He couldn’t admit it until recently, but he’d loved you for a while now. Then why had he said Lily’s name the night of the Yule Ball? Was it true? Did he still love Lily? Did he love her more than he loves you?

His fingers trembled as his nails brushed the cold metal around the edges of the locket. He’d hold it and see your name, prove to himself that he wasn’t wrong, that what happened was a mistake, that the doubt deep in his gut was wrong. And if it displayed someone else’s name, then he’d simply have proven the magic to be faulty. 

“Ah, I see you’ve found Love’s Locket,” Severus immediately yanked his hand away from the hanging necklace, snapping his head back to find Madam Gladstone smiling up at him. “That’s been a very popular item with you Hogwarts kids.” 

She was talking to him as if he was interested in buying it. As if he’d consider purchasing something like that when he had trouble believing its authenticity.

“How does it work? Did you charm it yourself?” he asked, his tone betraying his cold expression, revealing his frustration and sorrow. 

She gave a small chuckle in response, ignoring his rude demeanor. “No dear. I unfortunately don’t have the skill set for such a spell. I imported these lockets from France where they were made,” she watched as his shoulders dropped and his gaze hesitantly shifted back to the necklace. Well if she’d imported it, they no doubt were created by an experienced wizard, meaning his theory of the magic faulting was collapsing. “Go on then,” she said as she watched him cautiously eyeing it. “Try it, see who it is you desire most.”

Severus narrowed his eyes, irritated with her words, with himself, with the locket. The audacity that she had, the audacity of this locket. He could feel his heart angrily thumping against his chest in disapproval as he reached for it once more. He was much more hesitant this time as he very much doubted his original claim of the locket being a fake. He was scared. Scared that he wouldn’t like what he would see. Scared it wasn’t going to be your name he saw. Scared it would be her name. Scared of the truth. 

His slim fingers finally clasped around it, gently holding it in his palm and as he removed it from the hook on the wall, he watched letters slowly fade overtop the design of the locket. Madam Gladstone peered over as she stood beside him. “Ah, I see,” she said as Severus tried to read the faint letters that refused to focus into place, desperately seeking every letter in your name, spelling it out in his head. 

“W-what?” he asked nervously, confused as to why he couldn’t read a name, your name. 

“Well, this doesn’t happen quite often,” she began, “but it seems you have your heart set on two separate souls.” Severus looked at her in shook. How could that be? All that talk about finding _‘the one’_, having _soulmates_, how could one person’s soul be bound to two others. 

“I don’t understand.”

“Well that’s the problem with love dear. It isn’t… black and white as they say. It’s quite dynamic in fact. It grows as you do and changes with time. Many will fall out of love or find themselves caring for more than one person.” 

No. She’s wrong. This locket is wrong. It’s not true. This can’t be the truth. But as he looked back down at the little object in his hand, he began to understand what she meant. He could ever so slightly make out your name before Lily’s over took it. His heart was split in two and that’s why he’d been afraid of facing the truth, because it wasn’t a truth he was willing to accept. 

“Not to worry dear,” his mind snapped back to reality when the woman spoke once more. She was wearing an expression of glee, as if his predicament was entertaining to her. “You’re still young. There’s plenty of time to figure out what it is you want.” But Severus felt like this was a choice he needed to make soon as he feared that if he waited too long, he’d lose you forever. What if you found someone else? You’re such an amazing person, he couldn’t see how you’d simply wait for him to figure out why his heart had split in two, or rather why half of it still hung on to his childhood crush. 

“That’s the last one I have,” she commented, bringing his attention back to her as she pointed at the locket in his hand. He stared back down at it, knowing she was simply trying to make a sale. But he was seriously considering purchasing it as it was the only thing he’d found over the last month able to help him sort through his emotions. He looked back at the card on the wall where the necklace had hung above it.

_20 Galleons - Sale Price 10 Galleons _

This was unbelievable. If anyone told him this morning he’d be standing here seriously considering spending all he had on a locket, one he wasn’t entirely sure what he’d do with, he’d laugh and tell them to bugger off. 

“I’ll-I’ll take it,” he mumbled, handing her the necklace. It was such an impulsive decision, one he knew would drain him of any money he had, but deep down, he knew it was the right decision to make. His mind had finally cleared holding this locket, finally able to answer some of those lingering questions. He _is_ still in love with Lily and when you said you’d wait for him in the astronomy tower, you meant you’d wait for his heart to pick between you or her and boy did he hope it’d pick you. 

He walked up to the counter and watched as the old woman gently placed the locket in its case before placing it in a bag with the store’s logo on its side, alongside a small card. Severus took out his coin bag and emptied the whole lot on the table. Picking out the Galleons first, he began to count out the appropriate amount to give to her, placing two Knuts back in the bag. He stuffed his now worthless money bag back in his backpack before grabbing the bag on the counter and shuffling out the door with his head hung low. 

The cold prickled his cheeks as soon as he stepped outside and as he began to make his way back to the castle, he took out the locket and watched as it struggled to display a name over its front cover. He now knew what he had to do. It was ever so clear to him, and though he wasn’t happy with what he’d learned today, it was a slap he’d need in order to make sense of himself and his relationship with you. 

It was unfair what he’d been doing to you these last few months, being with you when his heart wasn’t in it. Though he hadn’t done it intentionally, he _had_ been playing with your emotions, trying to fill the hole Lily left when she broke off her friendship with him. It wasn’t fair to you and it made him feel so much worse. He wanted to go to you, talk to you, apologize to you, but he knew he still had a lot left to figure out and he couldn’t make amends with you until only one name displayed over that locket.


	15. The Red Carpet Down Memory Lane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unable to fall asleep, Severus moves to the common room where the flames of the fire indulge him in a trip down memory lane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: mention of blood, mention of possible death (recollection of what happened in Year 5, chapter 11)

Severus rolled over in his bed, eyeing the shared clock on the wall of his dorm. He could barely make out the hands in the darkness of the night, but the distinct shadow of the big hand told him it was some time around two in the morning. He closed his eyes once more, shifting over on his back, hoping his body would have mercy on him tonight, allowing him to indulge in a peaceful sleep. 

He’d assumed that his sleeping schedule would click back into place when he got back into his regular daily schedule, but he’d unfortunately been spending most nights staring at the ceiling while he listened to his dormmates sleep soundly in their own beds. The last few weeks had been especially hard on him. In fact, he’d noticed that ever since he’d bought that locket, draining his entire summer savings, he’d barely managed to sleep at all. He’d thought that day had helped bring him clarity, helped him face the reality of his situation, but because he was unwilling to accept the truth, he’d only managed to find himself in a constant state of sorrow. 

Opening his eyes, he stared up at the ceiling in frustration as he gave up finding sleep tonight. The wheels in his head were spinning too quickly for his liking and the sight of that locket haunted him. He slipped his left hand under his pillow and tugged on the chain his fingers found. The locket swung from his left hand as he brought it forward, capturing it with his right. He stared at it, holding it so close to his face, he could feel the cold metal of the chain wrapped around his wrist graze his nose. Each time he picked it up, he found himself concentrating so hard on it, as if the mere glimpse of his intimidating stare would scare the locket in displaying the name he wanted to see. Of course, it hadn’t, though he could swear your name had become more crisp compared to the first time he’d seen it battle Lily’s. He could at least clearly make out the last two letters of your first name now and if he squinted hard enough, he could read your full name without the sight of Lily’s trying to overtake it. Yes, it was clear to him that his heart had begun leaning toward you, although he suspected it was out of pure anger and determination rather than love. 

Thinking through what happened that night, he couldn’t help but try and find ways to blame Lily for it. He knew it was absurd, she had nothing to do with the situation and he wasn’t even sure she’d known that you were together, but that didn’t stop the burning ball of furry in his stomach inflate to a concerning size. 

Severus sat up in his bed, looking around the dorm in envy of his sleeping mates. He wanted so bad to ease those heavy bags under his eyes, to find some manner of rest tonight, but he knew he wouldn’t. He’d had enough nights like this to recognize when his mind would refuse to shut off for the night. So, in the heap of frustration and endless torment, he removed the covers from the bed and grabbed his bag, making his way to the common room. 

It was so peaceful here, and he loved the crackling of the fire, especially during harsh winters such as the one that had manifested this year. He approached the couch near the fireplace, slugging his bag over it as he sat on the floor, leaning his back against the frame. He felt the heat warm him as he brought his knees to his chest and hugged them while gently playing with the locket in his hand. He could still remember the day you’d brought him into the Gryffindor common room, cuddling up next to him. Though the Slytherin’s fireplace was much larger than yours, the warmth he felt right now was nothing in comparison to that of which he felt that day.

He peered into the raging red flames and sighed. He’d always loved this deep coral color, and he could still remember the first time his chest inflated with comfort when he fell in love with the soft warmth the color had to offer. He was nine at the time, taking a walk to a park nearby, the same one where he’d met up with you over the summer. He’d been heading towards an old tree simply hoping for a place to sit without the sound of his parents shouting ringing in his ears when his eyes caught a glimpse of a red sea, carelessly floating in the air. He was stunned to say the least. It was an overwhelming sensation he’d never felt before. One he’d grow to love and cherish. But that day, that day was the first time he’d feel the sting of an unreturned love, the first time he’d felt unworthy, the first time he’d felt the need for company, the first time he’d seen Lily. 

It had taken him so long after that to build up the courage to talk to her, and when he finally set his plan in motion, it didn’t go as well as he would have liked. He remembered how disappointed he’d been when she’d thought he’d insulted her by calling her a witch. He felt like he was chasing a friendship he knew wasn’t meant to be that summer, but he didn’t give up. He stayed by her side even after he watched her get sorted into Gryffindor.

Was that how you’d felt the first time he met you? That day you slide open the compartment door, he’d never even considered speaking to you, let alone befriending or dating you. Then you’d actually tried to pursue a friendship with him, one you patiently waited a year for as he had no interest in being any closer than acquaintances back then. Oh how foolish he’d been, how ignorant and stupid he’d been. How could he treat you like that when he knew just how awful it felt to be on the receiving end of rejection? 

Severus blinked, snapping his mind back to the common room as he let out a long frustrated sigh. He wanted nothing to do with you two year ago, and now he felt like he couldn’t live another day without you in his life. He pulled on the strap of his bag, allowing it to swing over the couch before unzipping it. He removed his book from it and set aside the bag as he opened it on his lap, placing the locket over the right page as he peered at the note on the left. 

_You once handed me your most loved book to show me how much I mean to you. I carry that book with me every day to remind me that there is someone in this world that cares about me as much as I do them…_

Why did this note cause his mind to spin so much? What was it you were trying to tell him? What part of this note did he need to finally realize what it was he was supposed to realize? 

His fingers lingered over your signature. _With all my love. _You put so much care into this note. The entire gift was so thoughtful and what had he done for you? He’d turned his back on your friendship, betrayed you, he’d even invented a spell that resulted in your near death. His mind brought him back once more to a past memory as the red flames of the fire settled into his sight once more, only this time, the red curtain that appeared was splattered across the floor, seeping from the broken figure before him. Fear had never prickled him harder than it had that day. He couldn’t bear the thought of watching you bleed out in his arms, the life in your eyes slowly slipping away. You’d remained so calm, focused on fixing his mistakes and as he healed you, he waited. Waited to hear the rise of your voice as you shouted at him, telling him you never wanted to see him again. But it never came. He’d instead heard those words from Lily not long after when she’d explicitly voiced her disapproval in the friends he’d chosen, not wanting to hear the apology he had after letting that awful word slip his lips. She hadn’t even asked him if he shared the interests his friends did, she merely assumed he did. 

Though she wasn’t wrong, he realized you’d made no such assumption and even offered him the benefit of the doubt, letting him explain himself. You’d stuck by him after that horrible incident while Lily simply abandoned him, defending his tormentors instead. 

… _I carry that book with me every day to remind me that there is someone in this world that cares about me as much as I do them… with all my love_

He read that sentence over and over again. _“Because I care for you, I am willing to wait for you to see that I’ll always be here for you.” _Why? Why would you wait for him again after what he’d done because, no, this wasn’t the first time he’d hurt you.

The fire crackled once more as the flames reach for Severus, the crimson in its core overtaking his thoughts. He saw a spot of red surrounded by an ocean of green as he heard angry footsteps rushing away from him. He hadn’t even given you that rose, nor had he explained its purpose. But you’d figured it out, you knew exactly what he was thinking because you knew him so well. It was strange how close you two had grown over such a short period of time. Well, two years wasn’t short, but it was in comparison to the amount of time he’d spent trying to get close with Lily. He’d never managed it of course. She’d pushed him away before he got the chance to, but you remained. You stuck by him, waited for him, forgiven him. 

Severus felt his mind fog as his body began to shut down. He was so tired, he just needed a few hours of sleep, but that irritating click at the back of his head just wouldn’t allow it. He looked back into the flames and waited for it to pull him back into another memory, one he hoped would be more pleasant than the last two. 

The red that appeared before him was uniformed and accompanied by the same toned gold, stripped against one another. The Gryffindor common room. He’d been here once and though he hated the decor of the room, reminding him of how horrid a house Gryffindor is, he would gladly endure it again to be in your company. Though he’d safely kept your pin in his trunk, he could still feel its outline beneath his thumb. You’d put so much trust in him, much more than Lily ever did. 

…_there is someone in this world that cares about me as much as I do them…_

Severus woke up a few hours later, confused as to where he was. He sat up and looked around to find himself on the floor of the common room. He then remembered what had happened last night and looked down to see his book, open, face down on the floor. He quickly picked it up and turned it over, only to panic at the sight of the folded first page. He felt devastated as he tried his best to flatten it, but the crease in the page remained. Closing the book, he reached for his bag and very gently tucked the book back into its place. He swung the strap over his shoulder and was about to head back to the dorm when he caught a glimmer of a very familiar necklace on the floor. The locket. That damn locket, how could he forget?

Picking it up he watched as your name etched its way to the front cover and he simply waited for Lily’s name to appear overtop. But as the seconds went by, it never did. His eyes widened as he began to wonder if the light of the fire was playing a trick on him. Or perhaps this was a dream, though he remembered waking up in the middle of the night and sitting in the common room. It can’t be a dream. He held the necklace by its chain and waited for your name to disappear completely before cautiously placing it in his palm. Once again, your name appeared. Your name and yours alone. 

It was a beautiful sight he had only dreamt of seeing these last few weeks. The cursive writing so clear and bold, displaying the name of the girl he wished nothing more than to have beside him right now. His eyes watered as his lips twitched in joy. It was surreal what he felt in this moment, and he silently hoped it would never fade. Was this the right moment to talk to you? Was he finally worthy of come back to you? If he showed you this necklace, would you believe him when he said he’d love you till the day he died?

His mind replaced all those old questions with desire and need. A need to have you back, to apologize and to beg for your forgiveness, to show you his heart belongs to you alone and he’d love nothing more than to have you back in his life. Severus wiped away the tears streaming down his cheeks as he walked over to the desk in the corner, grabbing a spare bit of parchment from his bag and began writing. 

He had to try. He had to at least try to speak to you now that he’d sorted out the way he felt about you, about Lily. He folded up the piece of paper and gripped the locket tightly in his hand before rushing back to his dorm to get dressed. He suddenly found his morning full of tasks he needed to get done. Things he needed to prepare before heading to see you. He first made his way to the owlery, borrowing a school owl as he tied the note he’d written to it, watching it fly away. He knew its trip would be short and that he’d have his answer sooner than later. So he quickly made his way out thinking over what he would say to you when he saw you, hoping he’d find the right words to say, showing you what the locket had shown him. It wasn’t going to be easy, but he felt ready. Ready to explain himself to you, ready to have you back in his life.


	16. The Astronomy Tower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You surprisingly receive a letter you’d never expected to get, leaving you wondering how to respond

Sitting in the Great Hall, you were mindlessly eating a cheese scone as you read the Transfiguration book on Animagus’ that McGonagall had given you permission to borrow from the library. You’d found the subject quite enticing and you were glad you’d decided to continue taking it this year, despite Severus telling you it wasn’t a skill you’d need, it was definitely a skill you enjoyed working on.

Suddenly, the table beneath your elbows gave a hard thud, scaring you as you’d been so focused on your book, you’d managed to completely filter out all sense of your surroundings. You slowly looked over your book and saw two dark round eyes looking back at you. An owl? What was an owl doing here? Was it possible for them to get their correspondents mixed up? The letter couldn’t have been for you. The only owls you’d received were from Hogwarts and there was no reason for you to receive one now. Unless, perhaps you were in some sort of trouble, or worse, what if your Head of House had decided you weren’t fit for Captain and this was the letter telling you to relinquish your position.

You quickly set your book aside and reached out to untie the small note from the owl. Once he was freed of the parchment, you stared at him, waiting for him to fly away, but he simply stood there, staring at you with those big black eyes, clearly wanting something from you. You looked around hesitantly, not really knowing what to do until you watched others interact with their own owls, rewarding them with food. You looked back at the owl in front of you, swearing his eyes had widened as he took a step forward, knocking some plate to the side. You slowly stretched out your arm, offering it the rest of your scone. 

He happily took it from your hand and gulped it down like a raven would its prey and happily flew away. You eyed it until it was out of sight. What an odd way to start your morning. 

As you looked back down at the bit of parchment in your hands, your nerves returning as you slowly opened it, trying to prepare for the worst. But nothing you could have done would have prepared you as you immediately recognized the handwriting of the note addressed to you. Severus. Severus had written to you when you hadn’t spoken to him in so long. It had been almost two months now and you’d been so focused on school, you’d almost forgotten the tragedy that had been your love life. 

You straightened your back as your heart started racing. You looked over at the first word doing your best to read it, but it was so hard, knowing it was from him, it just brought back the memory of that dreadful night. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, exhaling slowly before going to read what he had to say to you. 

_(Y/N),_

_I’ve thought a lot about what you said last we spoke, and I’m hoping you’ll indulge me in a quick conversation after breakfast today. I know you don’t owe me anything, and I wouldn’t blame you if you threw away this letter, but I’d really appreciate it if you gave me the chance to apologize and explain myself to you. I’ll be waiting in the astronomy tower until first period today. I hope to see you there. _

_Severus_

He.. he wanted to meet with you? But why now? He’d had plenty of time to send this letter after what happened, unless there was something else. Something you were oblivious to. You’d already said your two cents last time you went to the astronomy tower, so meeting him again would serve you no benefit. 

The idea behind getting an explanation from him did cross your mind. But it was scary to think about the possible responses he had. What if he admitted to you that he was simply using you to fill the void Lily had left behind? Your heart surely wouldn’t be able to handle that. Whether his feelings were fake or not didn’t affect the fact that you had fallen in love with him and it hurt more to know he’d pretended to love you back than to be oblivious to his truth. 

But his truth was important and if you were to truly gain closure, perhaps accepting it was a necessary step you had to take. All you knew was that these last two months left you feeling empty and unsettled. Like you’d been running to catch something right at the edge of your fingertips, always unable to grasp it. 

You quickly folded up your note and reached for the closest platter of food to you, extending your breakfast just a little longer than needed as you had yet to determine if you’d head to the library to pick up some more books, or head to the astronomy tower to meet Severus. It was just such a hard choice to make, and Severus himself said he wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t show up. So there was absolutely no requirement for you to go, that was made abundantly clear, and though this fact should have made you feel free to do as you wish, you couldn’t help but feel restricted. 

The problem was the guilt. If you didn’t show up, you’d be leaving him there alone. Waiting. And there was no doubt in your mind that he felt incredibly anxious right about now, pacing the room as he waited for those doors to crack open and thus, leaving you to feel guilty. 

You forcefully finished your food, feeling incredibly stuffed and looked around the room to find that most students were done with breakfast as well. You nervously got up and began walking towards the big doors leading to the rest of the castle. Your walk was so slow that seemed as though the world around you was running at increased speed. Reaching the doors, you paused. This is it, this is where you had to make your decision. Turn left and risk having your heart broken again or turn right and hammer that final nail in the coffin that was your relationship with Severus. 

You watched as your peers so confidently swept past you, feeling jealous of how they all seemed clear in their destination. Severus always had such an enchantment over you, even now when you hadn’t spoken in months, he still had such a strong effect. Your life had been so simple before you’d met him. No way you’d be standing in the middle of the corridor feeling lost if it wasn’t for him. 

With a great deal of courage and a jittery feeling of nervousness, you abruptly turned left, making your way to the astronomy tower as you were not ready to have the question of ‘what could have been’ hanging over your shoulder the rest of your life. 

Severus had found himself at the astronomy tower faster than he’d anticipated. Most students were no doubt still in the Great Hall stuffing their face with biscuits and pumpkin juice. When Severus opened the door, he froze in place as he scanned the room, his eyes landing on the corner he’d last sat in, crying over the note you’d written in you’re the book you’d gifted him. He felt nostalgic remembering you cuddled up to him and hoped that what he was about to say to you would allow you to form new, happier memories to replace the sour ones lingering in his mind. 

That is, of course, what he would say to you _if _you showed up. He’d given you an out, saying it would be okay if you didn’t come, but truthfully, if you’d chosen not to, he wasn’t sure what he would do with himself. He couldn’t go on like this, without you. Or at the very least, without you knowing the truth. 

He began nervously fiddling around as his palms heated with sweat. It was hard to stand still as he waited for the door to open. And if you decided not to come, how long would he wait for? Would he stay until first period? Waiting for you, his anxiety rising until he couldn’t take it anymore? He hadn’t thought about that and it kept him on edge, leaving him to feel completely unsettled. Going back to his bag, he removed ‘Potions: A New Perspective’ and opened it, revealing your note. He read it one last time and felt a sense of serenity, solidifying his belief that he’d found himself and done exactly what you asked of him when you gave him that book. He closed it and reached deeper into his bag to pull out a little black velvet box along with a card which he stuffed in the pocket of his trousers. 

Slowly he flipped the top open and gazed upon the locket it so elegantly displayed. He stood up and began pacing once more as he stared at its front cover. He knew this time that if he were to grab hold of it, it would display the name of the one person he truly had his heart set on. He lost himself in his thoughts as he continued staring at the delicate metal of the necklace in his hand when he suddenly heard the twist of the door knob, jumping at the sound and hastily clamp the box shut to stuff it into his robe before spinning to face the door.

“(Y/N),” he whispered as you very cautiously stepped through the door. Nostalgia hit you like a tidal wave the second you stepped into that room. You’d spent so many wonderful days in this very room with the boy standing in front of you, it felt like you’d stepped into your own past. “I-I wasn’t sure you’d come.” You could tell he was nervous, perhaps even more so than you. 

“Neither was I,” you replied truthfully, thinking back to that awful dilemma you’d had in the middle of the corridor outside the Great Hall just ten short minutes ago.

“Thank you. For the book. It means a lot and your note was..” he trailed off not knowing where he was going. You stood there as you watched him take a step closer to you, waiting for him to get to the reason he’d asked to meet you. “You deserve so much better than me and I don’t know why you care for me when it seems like all I’ve ever managed to do is hurt you.” He suddenly found himself struggling to speak as the words slipped away from his mind. He looked into your eyes, hoping to find some sort of inspiration to continue, but instead saw fear behind them. Were you afraid of him? Afraid he’d hurt you again? “I-I messed up and I know that. I’m so sorry for what I’ve done, for hurting you. B-but (Y/N) you mean so much to me and-and I really want you to know how much I care for you.” It was really hard for Severus to admit his feelings to you as the fear of being mocked or rejected was always hidden in the back of his mind, even though he knew how much you cared for him. Even after all you’ve done for him, he couldn’t help but feel hesitant. “These last two months, I reflected over everything you said to me and I realized just how important you are to me. You showed me what love looks like and I can only hope that you’ll allow me to return the favor,” he pulled out an antique looking box from his pocket. 

Your eyes widened as you recognized the logo on the front. It was from a high-end jewelry shop in Hogsmeade; the one closing down. Had he really gone jewelry shopping _for you_? Did he think jewelry was the answer to the issue between you two? Would he really spend so much on you? You knew the shops collection was quite expensive, even when on sale which is why you avoided heading down to Hogsmeade lately as you didn’t want to see other students pronouncing around, buying whatever they pleased. It was hard for you to enjoy such luxuries when you barely had enough for your school supplies. Of course, it didn’t help that you spent most of your summer savings on a new broom. 

“I know that jewelry doesn’t solve anything. I know its cliché and I know that this won’t make up for what I did. But I hope that this,” he opened the lid to reveal the most beautiful locket you had ever seen, “will prove to you that my feelings for you are genuine.” He reached into his pocket and removed a card, handing it to you. It was a description, outlining the purpose of the locket and the properties it held. Your eyes immediately shot back to the locket when you read about how it reveals the name of the person your heart desired most, and you saw him holding it out for you to see. Your hands shook when you saw the name scribbled across the front cover so elegantly as your eyes filled with tears. Severus watched you in anticipation hoping that if you didn’t believe his words, you’d believe the magic imbedded in the trinket he held in his right hand. 

(Y/N) (Y/L/N). It was your name, your writing. It was you. But what if it was all a trick, a ruse to make you think what you’d been hoping to hear from him these last few months were true. Looking back down at the card you read it once more, a tear splashing the corner of the small piece of cardstock in your hand. Your eyes met once more as you tried to find anything, anything at all that contradicted what he was telling you right now. Your eyes fell to the box in his left hand by his side. It looks real. It looks authentic. So, does that mean he truly does _love you_?

You looked back at the locket as he took a step closer and opened it, revealing a memory you’d completely repressed in the desperation of forgetting Severus after you’d broken up. Your cheeks lined with tears as you watched the memory of the two of you dancing at the Yule Ball. You both looked so happy in that moment, so in love with one another. The atmosphere had been so depressing lately, you’d almost forgotten what Severus looked like when he was happy. He’d never admit it, but that night was one of the only nights he had shown true happiness as he gazed at you with so much love in his eyes. The figures in the locket continued to dance as Severus resumed his speech.

“(Y/N), I promise that I will do everything I can to make you feel the way you did in this memory every day for the rest of my life,” he placed the locket in your hands and you felt the same rush of happy emotions you had felt the night of the Yule Ball as the image came to focus, looking so real. It felt like you were there all over again, dancing in his arms, feeling nothing but joy and comfort. A small smile crept its way onto your face as you wiped away your tears.

“I missed you,” you whispered, still holding the locket.

He smiled back at you, “I missed you too.” Severus took another step towards you, carefully placing his hands over your elbows as you both gazed down at the locket. 

You stood there a while admiring it until you realized that the name on its front cover must have changed as you now held it in _your _hands. There was no doubt in your mind that it would be Severus’ name, but it was still nerve racking to think of having such a thing confirmed for you, especially in front of him. Guess that was just the burden wizards and witches had to deal with when handling such magic. 

Fighting every nerve vibrating in your body, you slowly closed it to reveal the cramped handwriting etching the name ‘Severus Snape’ in the place where you’d previously seen your own name. You heard soft sniffles as your heart paced rapidly against your chest. You looked up to find Severus with tears filling his eyes, happy to see you still felt the same way about him, even after having time these last few months to move on. 

You gently smiled at him before unclasping the chain and wrapping it around your neck. Severus watched as it hit your chest and finally settled in place where your tie met your sweater after you’d released it. His name faded away as he looked back into your eyes, wondering if this meant you’d accepted his apology. 

Standing there in a bit of awkwardness you began fiddling with the necklace around your neck, wondering if you should leave or try and shift the mood to something a little more casual. 

“Do you… perhaps want to read,” you whispered as you looked back up at him. “With me?”

“Y-yes, I’d-I’d love that,” Severus couldn’t believe it. He’d only dreamt of this moment for so long, he couldn’t believe you accepted his apology and wanted to go back to the way things were.

It was as if you were both on a first date, awkwardly making your way to the corner, waiting for the other to sit down first. Eventually you both took your seats against the wall and Severus reached for his bag to pull out the Potions book you’d given him only to stop as he saw you rummaging through your own bag. He watched as you pulled out a very familiar book, setting aside the rest of your belongings.

“You didn’t continue without me?” Severus asked with a surprised tone as his eyes landed on a very familiar book.

“Of course not. We started the book together and we will finish it together,” you said nervously as you opened the book to the marked page. You hadn’t even bothered to remove this book from your bag as you’d been wanting to finish it since you started. Guilt had always kept you from doing so of course, but now, now there was no reason not to continue and it was a perfect way to rekindle your broken relationship with Severus.

“I love you,” he whispered, admiring your sentimentality, hoping never to let you slip from his fingers again. He scooched closer to you as you both began reading. It was a bit odd not to be cuddled up against one another, but it just didn’t feel right with that sour note still swimming in the air around you both. 

You blushed and gave him a small smile in acknowledgment as you kept your eyes on the book not wanting to open yourself to him just yet. You both read side by side until it was time to head for Charms class. Slowly, you felt your guard crack open as you really did miss his company. It was a nice change in tempo to see that warm shine in his eyes and you knew this time, that his eyes only sparkled for you.


	17. A Step Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sun finally comes out and you make plans to take a walk with Severus.

Weeks passed until the sun finally decided to make an appearance, leaving you exhilarated as you’d been stuck in doors for far too long. Smiling, you rolled out of bed, glad to finally see light coming through the window of the girl’s dorm. It was the first Saturday of the year you felt able to finally enjoy and you knew your plans would not disappoint. Severus, knowing your inability to stay caged inside the castle too long, had offered to take a stroll around the lake with you before breakfast, which you thought was just the perfect way to start the day. 

Your chest filled with excitement as you quickly got dressed, barely bothering to fix up your hair before grabbing your bag and heading out the door, doing your best not to wake those still asleep. Things with Severus had mellowed down a lot more as you noticed his attitude towards you had truly changed, just like he’d promised. He was much warmer towards you, always thinking of you, wanting nothing more than to give you the world. It was quite nice to be treated as though you were the only person in the world that mattered, but you had to admit, what happened between you two had caused you to put up a wall you weren’t sure would ever come down. 

It was a bit difficult to hide it at first as Severus seemed to have the impression that everything would go back to the way things were, constantly trying to hold your hand, walking a little too closely to you. He’d even tried kissing you a few times. But eventually, he stopped pushing, giving you space when he saw you unresponsive to his advances. You knew that you had every right to take your time, that it wasn’t an odd request to make, but that didn’t stop you from feeling a bit guilty for wanting to take things slow. It seemed as though the guilt you’d felt after receiving his note had merely shifted and you wished it would just vanish rather make you want to crawl into a hole every time you saw Severus give you that damn smile. Was it so wrong to want to enjoy his company for now? Of course not, but then why did you feel this pressure building over your shoulders?

Rushing into the relationship was seemingly what had caused you to break up in the first place, and you wanted to get things right this time. You were thankful for Severus’ patience with you and glad he hadn’t asked to talk about it or ask you where you thought you stood as a couple, because in all honesty, you had no idea. It was hard to think of him as just a friend after all you’d been though, no he was much more important to you than a simple friend. But it was also hard for you to think of him as a boyfriend, so you accepted the strange limbo you’d found yourself in, enjoying his company as a friend and his sweet advances as a sort of boyfriend.

“Sev!” you said, bringing his attention to you as you quickly jogged to the Entrance Hall. He turned around and gave you a smile, watching you approach him.

“The sun’s really shining bright today,” he said as you both began walking out to the courtyard, slowly making your way out of the castle. “You must be ecstatic.”

“Very!” you giggled, loving how well he knew you. Though you’d gotten to know each other eminently well over the last two years, you couldn’t help but feel as though he’d suddenly come to know you much better than he had before the Yule Ball. It felt as though all his effort and attention were dedicated to you and you alone. 

You both slowly walked around the plateau of green grass as though neither of you wanted the moment to pass by too quickly. As you listened to Severus talking about the book you’d given him, wanting you to know just how much knowledge the author had to offer, you thought back and realized just how much time you’d been spending together since he’d made amends with you. You smiled to yourself wondering how you’d even managed to pass the time without him. 

Severus had his hands stuffed in his pockets, so deep in conversation he almost didn’t notice the gentle touch of your hands sliding over his elbow. Pausing, he looked down at his arm and saw both your hands wrapped around it, holding him with a big smile hidden behind your hair. He’d gotten so used to distancing himself from you, he’d almost forgotten how caring your touch was. 

It was difficult these last few weeks to keep from pulling you closer, hugging you, kissing you, but when he saw your hesitation, how nervous you would get each time he got close to you, he knew he had to give you space, time to recover and regrow your trust in him. It hurt every time you looked away from him, when you’d sit just a few inches further than you normally would as you read together, but he did his best to hold on to the hope that one day, you’d feel comfortable enough to trust him once more. And boy was it worth the wait. 

You both subconsciously began walking slower as Severus placed his free hand over yours, appreciating the small gesture you’d made. Your heart raced as you looked into his softened eyes, knowing how big of a step you’d just taken. But it was one you knew you were ready for, one you knew was a step you were comfortable taking.

“So I take it my gift selection was made well?” you said gently, trying to push the conversation forward as to not make a big deal out of how close you’d gotten to him. Severus smiled down at you as he picked up the pace a little.

“Are you kidding? It was the best gift I’d ever received.” You were happy to hear he enjoyed it, though his enthusiasm surprised you know he hadn’t read a single word from it until he began reading it with you. 

“So then why didn’t you read it when I gave it to you?”

“I-I wanted to read it with you.” Severus suddenly realized how holding back on reading it must have looked to you. He hastily searched your eyes, hoping you weren’t offended, but when you gave him a soft, reassuring smile, he felt his tense muscles loosen. 

It was sweet that he wanted to share the experience of reading that book with you, but you couldn’t lie, it just brought back the guilt again as you’d intended for him to read it when you gave it to him, rather than wait to read it with you. But that really wasn’t what was on your mind right now. There was something else you’d been dying to ask him about ever since you began speaking again.

“Sev? Can I ask you a question?” you said nervously, looking up at him, wide eyed. Severus gave you a sheepish smile as he gently nodded his head, gesturing for you to continue. “D-do you still have my pin?”

“Of course I do!” Severus abruptly stopped in his tracks and hastily reached inside his robes. He knew how important this pin was to you and mentally kicked himself for not handing it to you the second he’d seen you again. “Do you- do you want it back?” he said as he opened his palm, offering it to you. 

You took it from his hand and examined it. Severus had managed to keep it in the same condition he’d received it and the fact that he had been carrying it around in his robe all this time was quite endearing. Who knew he was so sentimental himself? 

“No.” You outlined its design before placing it back in his hand, curling his fingers over it. “I trust you’ll keep it safe,” you said as your thumb ran circles over his knuckles. You looked back into his eyes and made sure he understood how big a deal it was for you to let him keep such an important little object.

Severus gripped the little pin in his hand. It was truly the only thing that had helped him get through those two months apart from you, and he knew that it wasn’t his to keep, that you had the right to take it back, but in all honesty, he was relieved that you’d decided to let him keep it. This pin was special to him, because you’re just so special to him. It provided him with a sense of safety and comfort whenever he wasn’t around you and he wasn’t sure what he would do if you hadn’t given it to him all those months ago. But the fact that you still trusted him enough to keep it, that was the real reward he felt he’d just received. 


	18. Hiding Spots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Students are asked to evacuate the castle in preparation for the second task of the Triwizard Tournament, but you and Severus have other plans in mind.

“Severus?” you whispered into your surroundings, searching for him as you rounded the corner around Gryffindor Tower. “Severus?” you tried again, squinting your eyes as you narrowed down on the trees ahead in the hopes that it would help you spot him. You hadn’t exactly talked about where you’d meet, hence why you assumed it would be near the same tree where you’d met last time. But as you’d already waited there ten minutes, you thought it prudent to search elsewhere, fearing that he had a different meeting spot in mind.

The area around the tower was quite wide, which had you worried about getting caught if you didn’t find Severus soon. You frantically continued searching, doing your best to stay hidden yourself when suddenly, you felt a hand placed on your shoulder. You quickly spun round in shock, praying you’d be met with the person you’d been hoping to find. _Please let it be Severus, please let it be Severus._

“Professor McGonagall!” you said wide eyed, mentally cursing at your bad luck. 

“Miss.(Y/L/N). Students are to gather outside the Entrance Hall, so what, may I ask, do you think you are doing heading in the opposite direction?” you looked into her stern eyes, a little frightened of what she would do if she found out what you were planning on doing before she caught you.

“I-I just thought… of perhaps umm, grabbing a jumper.” _What a stupid excuse. _You’d be lucky if she believed that, and judging by the irritation written across her face, she surely didn’t. Though in all honesty, you were banking on the fact that she had to sweep the tower behind you for straggling students rather than deal with your insolence as you didn’t think any excuse would let you off this time. 

McGonagall sighed as she shook her head in disapproval. “I’d love to see how you’d manage to retrieve said jumper when you were walking _away _from the entrance of Gryffindor tower,” her stern voice echoed through your head as your face flushed red. You really had come up with the worst excuse imaginable. “Not to mention that we are nearing spring and it’s far too warm for a _jumper _.” That’s it, you’re dead. She’d caught you and was no doubt about to give you a lifetime worth of detentions for disobeying a direct order from the Headmaster himself. You only hoped you’d serve it with her and not Flinch again. The way that man spoke sometimes, about how they used to punish students, scared you more than you’d care to admit. “Five points from Gryffindor Miss.(Y/L/N).” _Wait, only five? _“And count yourself lucky I’m too busy clearing the castle, otherwise I’d be sure to find out where exactly you were planning on going.” Well at least the inconvenience of this second task for the Triwizard Tournament had proven to benefit you in some manner. “Make your way to the Entrance Hall like you were asked, and don’t let me catch you wandering off again. This second task is no time for foolishness, do you understand?”

Your eyes brightened, thankful she’d spared you a sentencing as she seemed rather worried about the events that were to take place this afternoon. 

“Yes Professor, thank you,” you quickly backed away and sprinted towards the Entrance Hall until you were out of sight. Looking back, you watched as McGonagall made her way into the Tower, leaving you unsure of what to do next. You’d planned to meet Severus outside of Gryffindor Tower, but that seemed to be out of the question now. Hesitantly, you began making your way back, thinking that perhaps, if McGonagall was busy clearing the tower, you could resume your search for Severus. 

“(Y/N)!” You heard your name shouted across the yard, coming from some bushes off near the side of the castle. You picked up speed as a smile made its way to your face when you saw a familiar blur of black and green running towards you. “I saw you with McGonagall and waited for you to lose her,” he said as you both slowed down and hugged one another.

“I’m just glad you found me,” you whispered as you buried your face in his hair, tightening your hold around his neck. Though you’d gone back to hugging a while ago, the feeling still felt estranged as you still felt your heart flutter each time his hands wrapped around your waist, gently placing themselves across your lower back. It felt as though you were some long-lost lovers that hadn’t seen one another in decades. With a bit of reluctancy, Severus broke off and gestured for you to follow him as you made your way back to the castle. 

Heading towards Gryffindor tower, you struggled to keep up with him as you followed him around the side of the school. You’d never done much adventuring yourself as the moving staircase were already hard enough for you to deal with. And though Severus wasn’t one for wandering the halls, you knew that he had become quite familiar with certain parts of the castle, specifically the ones leading to and from the dungeons.

As you approach the concrete building, you could see a door in the distance, smaller than the other entrances you’d seen and shaped like a rectangle, lacking an archway. Looking at Severus, you easily deduced that this was the entrance that he’d been used to using and it seemed today was no different. Distracted by your curiosity, you’d completely forgotten the fact that you were breaking rules and averting Professors when you suddenly heard a voice coming from the other side of the door as Severus pulled your arm forward, quickly hurdling you both to the side. You placed your hands on his chest as he pulled you close by your waist, both of you turning your head as you heard the door swing open.

Hiding behind a pillar, pressed against one another, you both listened, recognizing Slughorn’s voice as he asked a group of students to make their own way to the Entrance Hall, despite the fact that they looked as though they were first years who’d never exited the castle from this side before. You both waited for the entrance to the door to clear before sprinting towards it, making your way back inside the castle. 

“Where should we go?” you whispered to Severus as he peeked around a corner, deeming it clear to head down. 

“I thought perhaps the Slytherin common room?” he whispered back as you continued making your way deeper inside the castle the staff was so determined to evacuate. When you’d suggested ditching the viewing of the second task, he couldn’t help but remember what a lovely evening you’d both had last time when you brought him to the Gryffindor common room. Looking back, he hadn’t fully appreciated what you’d done and was a little heartbroken that you hadn’t offered to do the same this time, so he took it upon himself to try and recreate the night best he could. If you weren’t comfortable taking him to your common room, then he’d invite you to his. “I thought perhaps it would be the safest place away from whatever they’re doing for the Tournament?” you nodded your head in agreement as you followed Severus, making your way to the dungeons. 

Though you agreed with his suspicions, you still felt a small sliver of worry trickily inside your chest. You hadn’t been told much this morning when the Headmaster announced the prerequisites to the second task, but you definitely overheard people talking throughout the rest of the day and what they said had you worried. You’d been informed that the castle was to be the arena for the second task and that it wouldn’t be safe for students to wander around as the Champions fought to complete their assignment. Hence why you were all asked to evacuate the school as soon as lunch was over and be escorted to the Quidditch pitch by the staff who weren’t surveilling the Tournament.

Of course, Dumbledore couldn’t give any more information than that as the task was supposed to remain a secret up until the Champions were to accomplish it, but that didn’t keep others from hypothesizing. From what you’ve managed to piece together, various obstacles were to be placed in the castle, testing the Champions in a range of different skills, which did explain why Peeves seemed extra riled up these last few days. You found the idea behind this task a little unfair as the Hogwarts Champion seemed to have a clear advantage over the others; having years of experience roaming around the castle. Then again, you didn’t really know the scope of the task, so you had to give them the benefit of the doubt. 

“This way, this way, follow me.” _Flitwick_. Severus suddenly took your hand and turned a corner just as the Charms Professor lead his Ravenclaws down the hall. Realizing the path he was taking was going to be littered with students and professors, Severus pulled you deeper into the unknown corridor in the hopes of avoiding any more unwanted company. 

“Where are we?” you asked as soon as he stopped sprinting down the hall, stopping to look at his surroundings. 

“I’ve.. been here before,” he said as he seemingly began searching for something. Whatever it was, it looked like he found it as he confidently walked towards another corner, gesturing for you to follow as he turned down another corridor. You sprinted forward, catching up with him and took his hand, feeling a bit worried about how dark it seemed to be getting the further down you went. “Strange,” you heard him say as you’d suddenly come to a stop. 

“What is it?” you asked as you spun your head back around, staring at an old wooden door that clearly needed renovation. It was a lot smaller than all the other doors in the castle. In fact, it looked as though it was the perfect size for two people to step through. You’d certainly never seen it before and though you didn’t think there would be anything in the castle too dangerous for students to suddenly wander upon, this particular door seemed a bit shady if you had to be honest. 

Severus immediately grabbed the doorknob as soon as he heard some rapid sounding footsteps approaching. Before you knew it, you were being pulled into the mysterious room, the door disappearing behind you as soon as it closed. Your heart raced as you went to intertwine your fingers with his, squeezing his hand, feeling a rise of panic in your chest. 

“Severus-” you stopped as soon as you turned around and joined the boy beside you in gazing around the strange room you’d just accidently confined yourself to. It was like someone had looked into your mind, extracting your ideal sitting room and combined it with Severus’. The room was cozy, warmed by the fireplace to your right, facing a loveseat and an antique looking table. On the left wall was a mostly empty bookcase, only lined by a few books and from what you could tell, they were Transfiguration books. The decor of the room was quite strange. You swore that if you looked at it from a certain angle, the design covering the wall shifted from green and gold to red and silver. It was like what you’d imagined the Slytherin common room to look like mashed together with the Gryffindor common room. “What is this place?”

“I’m not sure,” he said as he led you to the fireplace. “I thought perhaps this was the same corridor I’d told you about before. The one I found those old candles in. But clearly I was wrong.” He looked back at you, making sure you were okay with staying here, before seating himself on the sofa, gesturing for you to join him. 

You felt unsettled at this strange room, but if the door had disappeared, then perhaps it was safe enough to spend the day in. Your major concern was how you were to leave. Would the door reappear when you were ready to head out, or was there a spell you needed to know for this? Either way, you were glad you were with Severus. He’d always been so crafty, you knew he’d figure out a way to leave if you couldn’t. 

Looking down at him, you smiled in content, settling yourself down beside him as you snuggled into his chest. He wrapped an arm around you as you snaked your own around his waist. 

“Talk about close call,” you said as you closed your eyes feeling your heart rate settle down to a regular pace. You could feel Severus’ own heart thumping against his chest as well, telling you his adrenaline was probably running just as high as yours. 

You felt him peck the top of your head before reaching over to grab his bag. You buried your face further into his chest, feeling that bubble of guilt forming in your stomach again. Severus had been so affectionate towards you, slowly going back to treating you like his girlfriend, but you were still so reluctant to return those feelings. 

You saw Severus place the Potions book you’d been making your way through the last few weeks on his lap and quickly sat up, allowing him to open the book, holding it up for you to read. Though you were glad that Severus was enjoying himself, taking his time with the book, you were growing quite bored with it which is probably why you were currently fighting the urge to walk to the back of the room and pick up one of those Transfiguration books. 

But Severus seemed to really love reading it with you, occasionally showing you the enthusiastic side you never knew he had. You always found yourself smiling every time his eyes shined with joy as he went to grab a quill to make notes. Though the fact that he was scribbling _in _the book made you feel as though you should have bought him a notebook as well to spare him the pain of _contaminating _a new book. Perhaps that could be your next gift, just dozens and dozens of notebooks for him to take notes in. That should last him quite a while and help keep his poor textbooks from a certain inky fate. 

As you two silently read together, you instinctively tugged on the chain around your neck, feeling a bit bored of the long time intervals between each page flip and revealed the locket Severus gave you from under your shirt. Severus did a sort of double take when he saw the light of the fireplace bounce off the metal trinket in your hand. He paused and slowly put the book down as he watched you fiddling with it, keeping it so close to your heart. 

“You-you still have that on?” he said in surprise. You’d been so zoned out, you hadn’t even realized he’d put the book down. But when he spoke, you turned your head to look at him and sat up as soon as you saw the shook across his face. 

“I-I never took it off,” you said softly as you gave him a sheepish smile, “and, I don’t think I ever will,” you added nervously waiting for his reaction. Severus looked back down at the locket, seeing his name peeking through your fingers as you continued to play with it. 

“You-you really like it?” he said, feeling his heart swell with joy. He felt so flustered at the sight of you cherishing the little locket so much. 

You looked into his softened eyes and leaned in closer, placing your hand back around his waist as you let the locket dangle from your neck. “I really like… _you_,” you said flirtatiously, his heart fluttering in response. He searched your face before slowly leaning in, stopping inches from your parted lips. He wanted so badly to kiss you, but knew that he shouldn’t press your boundaries, the fear of pushing you away lingering in the back of his mind. He pulled back, staring down at his lap before looking back at you. 

His cheeks had gotten so rosy, you just wanted to reach up and pinch them. You knew he was holding back, that he’d just resisted the urge to kiss you. And despite the lingering memory of the hurt you felt after the Yule Ball, you could still feel your heart swell as you looked into his lovestruck eyes.

“I love you,” he whispered softly, gently sweeping hair away from your face, hoping he hadn’t overstepped tonight. 

“I love you too,” you replied softly. That was the second time you’d ever spoken those three words to him, to anyone really. And right now, in this moment, it felt so right. Even more so than at the Yule Ball because now, now you knew that when he said it, he truly meant it. 

You propped yourself up, allowing you to lean in a little further. Half open, your eyes flickered between his eyes and his lips as you wondered if you were ready to push your luck further than you already had today. Feeling confident enough in your choices, you closed the distance and gently pressed your lips to his, feeling a rush of pleasure course through your veins. 

He was quick to kiss back as he snaked a hand in your hair, tilting your head back to deepen the kiss. His eagerness came off as confidence compared to the nerves that were causing your hands to shake ever so slightly. You wrapped an arm around his neck, pressing yourself closer to him, missing his touch.

You’d come so far and though you couldn’t help but feel anxious about the kiss, it just all felt so right. Like fate had brought you to this room, helping you take another step further into your relationship. 

Once the need for air was too great, you parted the kiss and leaned back, smiling as you both lightly panted. Nervously, you tucked your hair behind your ear before leaning back down. Looking back at Severus, you couldn’t help but notice the smile on his face had grown wider. You’d never seen him so happy before and it really warmed your heart. 

“Shall-shall we continue reading?” you asked, gesturing at the book in his lap, hoping the distraction would help calm your nerves. It’s just a kiss. You’d kissed a million times before this, so why did this feel so… so _special_. 

Severus kept his eyes on you as he reached up to cup your face, stroking his thumb over your cheek and searched your eyes as you waited for an answer. He slowly nodded his head as the enchantment he seemed to be under broke and reached over to open the book, finding the page where he’d stopped. You settled yourself back against his chest as he gently stroked your hair and you both continued reading as the love circled around the room, just like the first time you’d both cuddled up to a book together.


	19. Spring and Braids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spring has finally arrived, leaving the grounds of Hogwarts covered in sunshine. You spend a lovely afternoon outside studying with Severus one evening, enjoying the air and the company.

Laying on your stomach, you tried to focus on the many textbooks laid out on the bright green grass, enveloped by the spring air, but your eyes kept glancing back towards Severus, every move he made caught in your peripherals. He’d been gradually hunching over his own books for the last fifteen minutes and it irritated the hell out of you. No matter what position he started in, he seemed to always end up lowering his head so he was closer to the book in his hands. You had tried to tell him to bring the book up closer so he wasn’t slouching so much, but judging by his current position, he’d either decided not to heed your advice or couldn’t break out of his old habit. 

As a Quidditch player, you were all too aware of the importance of good posture as it greatly aided you in maneuvering your broom and gliding through the air seamlessly. So, when you see someone else sitting with their back hunched over, like the way Severus was sitting right now, you always end up feeling a tremendous urge to go over, straighten their back and give a long lecture on how important posture is. 

Distracted from your studies, your eyes shifted towards the raven-haired boy as you watched him struggle to keep his hair out of his face. Rocking your hips a bit to ease the pressure off your stomach, you got a glimpse of his back and realized he had neglected to cut his hair all year, causing it to grow abnormally long as it now reached past his shoulder blades. 

Severus first tried tucking his hair behind his ears as that normally would be enough to keep it at bay, but as he leaned back down to read the book in his hands, his hair came loose and fell, showering his face. He then began running his fingers through his hair, pushing it back, trying to keep it in place, but this method seemed even less effective than the last. 

“If you listened to me and straightened your posture, you wouldn’t have this problem,” you stated, grabbing his attention as you leaned up on your elbows, elevating your upper body. 

“I don’t have a problem. I’m just not used to it this long.” You sighed, as he never seemed to listen to your advice unless it was potions or spell related. 

“Then why don’t you cut it.” Your lips twitched in irritation as your legs stopped swinging in midair and slowly rested atop the grass, crossed over one another. Gently running the feather of your quill over your bottom lip, you squinted at him, waiting to hear the absurd answer you knew he had in store for you. 

He shrugged and looked back at his book as he ran his fingers through his hair one last time. “No time,” he said, flipping to the next page as he resumed his studies. It wasn’t a complete lie. He truly didn’t have the time to cut his hair, not after all the commotion of this year’s events. 

You sighed before taking a hair tie from your wrist and stretched your arm to give it to him. You always carried extras with you as they seemed to snap from you more often than you’d like. Severus shook his head when you tried to offer it to him, showing he wasn’t interested.

“Sev! Take it!” you insisted. Your discontent and irritation rising higher than before. He’d be a young twenty-five year old with a back problem of an old man if he kept this up. 

“No.” Severus shoved his face further into his book, hoping you’d get the hint. 

“Fine,” you said as you stretched the elastic back around your wrist before smirking at him. “Then let me braid it.” you shifted your position and sat leaning on your hip before folding your legs beneath you, your left hand kept firmly on the ground to keep you steady. 

“What?” he said, raising his eyebrows in shock. It would be embarrassing enough to walk around with a ponytail, but a braid. Out of the question!

“It’ll help keep your hair out of your face and you’ll be able to focus better.” Crawling forward a few notches, you knelt beside him and slowly reach for his hair before he grabbed your wrist, stopping you in your tracks as he caught your eye. 

“Absolutely not.” 

“Why not?” your smile grew wider as you tried to free yourself from his grasp. He struggled to keep you away from his hair as you pushed forward, trying to reach for it. He grabbed your other wrist and attempted to keep his balance as you straightened your back, increasing your strength and you continued to push, causing him to fall on his back. You pounced on him, aiming to free your wrists, but only managed to roll yourself over. As he hadn’t eased his grip on you, he was forced to roll with you and ended up landing right on top of you. 

“Come on Sev, just let me braid it. You’ll like it I swear,” you smiled up at him as you felt his hair brush the sides of your face. 

Severus leaned forward a bit so that his hair now curtained over your face as he slowly pressed his body down against yours. He pinned your wrists over your head and smiled to himself, enjoying having you all to himself like this. 

In an attempt to throw him off his balance, you quickly jolted forward and locked your lips with his. You felt his grip on you loosen as your lips moved against his, teasing him with soft touches before freeing both your hands, allowing you to push on his chest, rolling yourself on top of him. Severus fell back with a huff, surprised at your cheap move, taking advantage of the fact that he’d always seem to melt each time you kissed. You straddled his waist before reaching to grab his wrists, mimicking his previous position. 

“Please?” you gave him a small encouraging smile as you changed your approach. His grin returned to his face as he watched your eyes sparkle in the gleaming sunshine. You were his weakness and he couldn’t deny that. He slowly leaned forward to capture your lips once more before resting his head back on the grass. 

“Fine,” he said softly, finding himself unable to disappoint you. “But it’ll cost you.” 

You looked at him, curious what exactly he wanted from you as you freed him, sitting back in his lap. “What will it cost me?” 

He smirked before pushing himself up, placing his hands on your hips while yours went around his neck. “Promise me, next year, when Quidditch starts up again, you’ll make time for me. At least a full hour each day, alone with me,” he whispered as he tilted his head, allowing his lips to ghost over yours. 

You paused a moment, smirking as you lifted your head back just enough to deny him the kiss. It was sweet of him to simply ask for your time when your mind had been spiraling with all the possible sinister things you had expected him to say. He was a Slytherin after all and it wouldn’t be out of character for him to have asked for something more. Though this wasn’t the first time you’d noticed his actions betray his alleged Slytherin qualities which made you wonder if the sorting hat had made a mistake placing him in a house that required a person to be so cunning. Perhaps if he’d tried it on once more it would give him a different answer. Gryffindor perhaps? Maybe Ravenclaw? Or even Hufflepuff? 

You searched his eyes before running your fingers along his hairline, “I promise,” you said as you leaned forward, finally connecting your lips and sealing the deal.

It didn’t take long for Severus to slip his tongue past your lips, wanting this kiss to last longer than the others. You let out a light moan as you felt one hand run up your back, pushing your chest further into his, and the other gripping your hip. Tangling your fingers in his hair, you tugged each time his tongue went deeper, dancing with your own. Once satisfied, Severus parted the kiss and looked up at you with a glowing smile. 

He watched as you removed yourself from his lap and went to sit behind him, gathering all his hair. He patiently waited for you to collect your part of the deal as you slowly began braiding it, starting from his widow’s peak. His hair was quite greasy at the root and due to its high density, it was much heavier than you’d anticipated. Your hair was much lighter in comparison, but you still managed to adjust, gathering hair bit by bit, making your way to the nape of his neck. As you passed his shoulders, you noticed it was much lighter; the grease had stopped trailing down his strands. 

Severus closed his eyes and revealed in how gentle you were with his hair as he brought his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them and letting his chin balance atop. You knew he would never let anyone but you do such a thing with him and it pleased you to know how much of a soft spot he had for you. 

You tied off the end with an elastic band from your wrist and sat yourself back down, facing him. Reaching over, you tucked a few strangling hairs behind his ears and admired the features on his face as this was the first time you were seeing him without hair falling over him. 

“That’s way better,” you whispered as your gaze landed on his soft black eyes. 

Severus smiled as he watched the content look on your face settle. He reached down and gently intertwined your fingers before pulling you in to cuddle up beside him before you were both forced to resume studying. 


	20. The Triwizard Victor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final task of the Triwizard Tournament rolls around and you make plans with Severus to view it together as you’d already missed the previous two tasks. But when you don’t show up to your meeting spot, Severus begins to worry, which quickly turns into complete horror as the task comes to an end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Physical pain

Severus peered over towards the entrance of the castle, beginning to worry something dreadfully concerning was keeping you from meeting him. There were only a few straggling students left making their way to the newly built stadium, adjacent from where he stood outside the Quidditch pitch and with each step he took as he paced across the entrance, his concern grew eminently larger. It wasn’t like you to be _this _late and it was your idea to watch the Triwizard Finale in the first place, so why were you lagging behind today, neglecting to meet him where you’d planned?

Thinking you may have misunderstood your meeting spot, he made his way to the stadium that had been set up at the edge of the forbidden forest for the night’s event. He was supposed to meet you first and then join the crowd with you, but when you didn’t show up, he thought maybe you couldn’t find him and made your way to the event alone. At least, he hoped that was the case.

As he entered the fully packed stadium, he began to look around, searching for you. He found an empty seat on the top row and peered down, hoping it would give him a better vantage point as he continued to gaze at the crowd below him. Disappointment seeped in as Dumbledore stood from his seat and began introducing the three Champions as well as the task at hand. Severus barely paid attention as he scanned the crowd carefully a third time in an attempt to catch even a small indication of your presence within the arena to no avail. 

Dumbledore signaled Filch and a loud bang was heard. Andrei entered the forbidden forest first as he was in the lead, allowing him a ten-minute head start before the next champion joined him on his quest. 

Two more loud bangs were heard five mins apart and the rest of the Champions entered the forest one by one. Severus listened to the people around him chat about how Andrei was sure to come out victorious and what possible challenges could await them in the forest. He began to uncomfortably shift in his spot, unsure of what to do. Surely you hadn’t stood him up. Not after everything had gone so well over the last few months. You’d grown so close, he was sure you wouldn’t do something so hurtful as to purposely abandon him if there wasn’t something holding you back. 

The longer he sat there, the more positive he was that something horrific had happened to you. Eventually, his anxiety overtook him, and he got up from his spot, leaving the stadium to look outside. He walked at an increasing rate around the circular arena, frantically looking every which way, hoping that perhaps he’d missed you somehow and you were still waiting for him outside.

“Lumos,” he whispered as he got closer and closer to the edge of the forest. There was no sight of you anywhere. The castle was empty as everyone had already gathered to watch the tournament, so the chance of you roaming around in there was slim, not to mention the fact that the size of the school made it practically impossible to search its grounds efficiently. 

Giving up, and hoping to find you afterwards, Severus made his way back to the top row of the stadium. He waited in anticipation for the Champions to return and end this ruddy event for what felt like never ending days. About an hour later (or fifty-three days by Severus’ count), a loud crack was heard at the edge of the forest, centered in the stadium. 

The crowd cheered as Andrei held up the Triwizard Cup high in the air for everyone to see. Severus scoffed down at him, but his expression soon changed to curiosity as he noticed that a smaller figure had appeared beside him, immediately collapsing to the ground, her knees unable to keep her standing. Severus stood and immediately noticed her clothing matched his own; a Hogwarts student, only her uniform was in a much worse condition than expected from school policy as her shirt popped out from her skirt while her tie hung crooked around her neck. The white shirt she wore had mud-coloured smugs all over it and had been very evidently torn in multiple places. As she fell backwards, one hand over her rib cage, the other pressed firmly on the ground for balance, the moonlight shined over her at just the right angle and gave him a small glimpse of her face, along with her red and golden tie. 

“(Y/N)?” he whispered to himself as he watched tears stream down your face, your body shacking in shock. His eyes widened in horror as he had finally registered that it is you down there, kneeling beside the Triwizard Champion. You’d been in the forbidden forest this entire time, no doubt fending for your life. His instincts had been right and yet, it didn’t make it any easier to see you in such distress. 

He quickly began pushing his way down, struggling to get through the crowd that only thickened as each observer rose from their seats in glee, watching as Andrei was announced the Triwizard Victor. Lights seemed to flash from every angle, photographers and journalists, racing Severus to be the at the front of the crowd. The need to reach you heightened each time he got pushed backwards trying to squeeze past the intolerable audience. His height was now the only reason he could still catch a glimpse of you as Madam Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall had begun escorting you towards the castle. Relieved to see you’d been separated from the hoard of students, he shifted his route and began pushing his way back to the exit. 

By the time he had caught up with you, you were already at the Entrance Hall, making your way to the infirmary, your head of house in a heated discussion with the school matron, clearly enraged with the situation.

“(Y/N)!” He shouted as he slowed down to a walk. You turned your head just enough to see Severus with worry written across his face. 

“Severus,” said McGonagall. “Dear boy-” She gestured for him to approach you before Madam Pomfrey stopped her. 

“No visitors! We haven’t even reached the hospital wing yet!”

“It’s alright Poppy. Severus can help escort her,” McGonagall reassured her as Severus took her place beside you, wrapping your arm around his neck. “I must head back to attend to any more injured Hogwarts students. You might want to prepare for the worst,” she warned Madam Pomfrey, before stepping back from you, making her way back towards the stadium. 

You’d already listened to her rant about how horrible an idea this entire tournament was as she helped you make your way back to the castle, so it was no surprise to see her huffing down the corridor in a fuming rage as she left you. 

“Crusade Tournament. What are they thinking sending students in that forest alone!” Madam Pomfrey cursed to herself as she walked in front of you and Severus, heading to the infirmary as fast as she could. She instructed Severus to carefully follow as she informed you both that she hadn’t expected the injuries to come from tonight’s events to be so brutal and therefore had not primed the infirmary with the necessary equipment. She had excused herself as she ran ahead to better prepare, leaving Severus with the soul task of looking after you. 

Your knees trembled as you tried to follow her as quickly as you could, hoping to match her speed. But you felt so defeated as soon as you saw her jogging, disappearing around the corner, leaving you in her dust. Severus did his best as he tightened his arm around your waist, trying to take some of the weight of your feet, but it wasn’t enough as he felt you slipping, your legs unable to support you any longer, causing you to stumble forward. Severus quickly pulled you up, holding you tightly by your waist, pressing your body to his. 

“(Y/N),” he whispered in despair. He was about to ask if you were alright, but stopped himself, knowing how redundant such a question would be as he could very clearly see, you were not alright. 

You buried your face into his shoulder as you tightened your arms around his neck, letting your weight fall on him. It was all so much. The physical pain, the mental trauma. Your body shook as you sobbed, your voice muffled by his clothing. 

Never in his life had he wished to be strong enough to carry another person, but having you crumbling in his arms had him feeling so incredibly helpless, knowing he wouldn’t be able to carry you all the way to the hospital wing. He didn’t know what to do, what to say to make you feel better. He considered levitating you, but that just didn’t seem right, and neither was sitting you down to try and heal you himself. What if he just made it worse? No, he knew that the best thing to do was to get you to the infirmary as soon as possible.

“(Y/N)? Can you walk?” He spoke softly as not to startle you and watched as you slowly lifted your head, your messy hair falling over your face, a few strands sticking where your tears had smeared on your face. You ever so slightly nodded your head as you kept your gaze low, wiping your face on your sleeve, not daring to let go of Severus. He felt like a lifeline to you, holding you so close, keeping you from falling to the ground. You’d never been so grateful to have him in your life, currently being the only thing keeping you from breaking to pieces on the stone floor beneath you.

He waited for you to go at your own pace as you slowly let your own hand drop, the other hanging over his shoulder as you limped your way down the hall. You were walking slower than ever, but Severus kept an even pace, letting you take your time, simply providing you with balance and stability as you made your way down the halls.

After what felt like decades, you finally made it to the hospital wing and noticed that Madam Pomfrey had made herself quite busy whilst waiting for you to make your way there. Every single bed was accompanied by emergency equipment and potions. All the essentials were placed atop a tray that rested on the bedside tables while the rest of the supplies had been carefully removed from their cupboards and displayed nicely at the back of the room, ready for use. 

“Thank you,” you whispered as he set you down on the bed Madam Pomfrey had gestured to. You held your breath as you settled into the bed, doing your best to keep from grunting in pain, knowing it would only worry Severus further. There was no doubt in your mind that he had been on edge the entire night, and seeing you so battered up probably had him clenching his heart because you knew that if you were in his place, you wouldn’t be able to keep yourself together. 

As soon as you rested your head back on the pillow, Severus went and stood by your side, instinctively beginning to weave his fingers through your hair in comfort, removed any leaves or twigs in his way. 

“Out.” Severus turned, peering over his shoulder to see Madam Pomfrey rushing towards you both, a few vials in hand. “Now!” she shouted as she set everything she was carrying on the table beside him. 

“But Professor McGonagall said I could stay with her!” responded Severus in furry. He didn’t want to leave your side, not when he’d spent so long worrying over you only to find you completely shattered. He wanted to help, to comfort you. He wanted answers. 

“I don’t care what she said, I need to get to work! You can come back and visit once she’s recovered _during visiting hours_.”

Severus squinted, peering into the eyes of a very headstrong woman. He knew there wouldn’t be much point in arguing as she was always known for her stern qualities. He looked over to the bedside table, hoping to at least figure out how exactly Madam Pomfrey planned on healing you, only to be disappointed by the lack of recovery Potions, and those that were present, he deemed to be weak judging by their opacity. 

Glancing back at you, he gave as big of a smile as he could muster before leaning in, gently pressing his lips to your temple. “I’ll be back soon,” he whispered out of earshot of the matron who seemed to have made herself busy, preparing to assess your injuries. 

As he stepped back, you did your best to convoy to him you’d be alright, but your smile came off even weaker than his. Though neither of you said it out loud, you both knew just how upsetting and worrisome it was to be separated a time like this. You watched as he left through the large doors and wished he could have stayed beside you. All you could think about during your time in the forest was how badly you wanted to see Severus, have him comfort you. You felt at a complete loss as his figure disappeared around the corner of the entrance, as if he’d just slipped through your fingers. 

Turning your attention back to Madam Pomfrey, you watched as she waved her wand over you, the expression on her face revealing what you had feared the instant you’d woken up in the forest; you were injured beyond belief, from the inside and out. Waiting for her to finish, you closed your eyes as your head sank into the cushion of the pillow beneath you. You wanted so badly to ask for something to relieve you of the pain, but you trusted she’d give you what you needed in due time. She’d patched you up so often over the last few years after a Quidditch practice or game, that you’d grown to trust her and her healing abilities completely. 

It wasn’t long after taking a sleeping draught that you passed out, only to wake up a few hours later to some rather loud chatter by the door. An argument had clearly broken out between Madam Pomfrey and whoever was standing in the corridor, out of your line of sight. The matron had her hands firmly around the doors as she half whispered, half shouted, trying to tell whoever was there to leave. But when she slowly pushed the doors forward clearly trying to shut them, her converser suddenly slammed a hand over the edges of the doors, pushing them towards her as his voice rose. You jolted from your bed, recognizing that musky sound echoing through the infirmary. 

“Sev!” you tried shouting for him, but your voice came out small, shattered from the night’s events. “Severus!” you spoke louder this time, loud enough to bring Madam Pomfrey’s attention back to you. She slowly let go of the doors and came rushing towards you, Severus not too far behind. 

“Please let him stay,” you whispered as you stretched an arm out towards him, a small tear forming at the corner of your eyes. He quickly took your hand in both of his, squeezing tightly as his eyes desperately went to examine every cut and bruise over your face. You gave him a weak smile, a tear slipping from your eye as soon as you blinked. It had been too long of a night to be apart from him and you couldn’t stand it any longer. You _needed _him by your side, telling you it would be alright. 

“You need rest, not company,” Madam Pomfrey tried to argue, “He shouldn’t even be out of bed, I have half a mind to call your head of house young man-”

“Please,” you turned your attention to her, as your eyes watered, “please let him stay.” Severus sat on the edge of the bed and reached over to wipe away your tears as he listened to your desperate pleas for him. You closed your eyes and lend into his touch, thankful you finally had him by your side. 

“I’m not leaving,” he whispered, more so to you than Madam Pomfrey as he wanted to assure you he’d do everything in his power to help you.

It took a bit more convincing as well as a valiant show of the strong connection between you both to finally ease Madam Pomfrey’s mind as she agreed to let him stay so long as he’d let you rest. 

As the matron left your side, Severus let go of your hand, hearing a small whine of complaint coming from you as he reached into his robes, retrieving small vial. 

“It’ll help heal you,” he whispered to you as he handed you the potion. “I just brewed it, so it’ll be pretty strong. Take a small sip each day until you feel better.”

You were always so amazed by his skills in Potion Making and though you felt guilt at the thought of him sneaking into the Potion’s classroom, risking his standing as a student, it also warmed your heart to know he would put himself on the line for you like that. 

You gladly accepted the potion, giving him a small smile of gratitude, knowing you could trust him and took a small sip as instructed. You closed your eyes as you felt the thick liquid burn down your throat, turning your head away from him as the sharp pain in your gut returned. Taking a deep breath in through your nose, before slowly exhaling, you did your best to gather yourself before turning your attention back to the boy on the edge of your bed, knowing his concern would only grow if he knew just how much pain you were in. Severus took the bottle from you and placed it back on the table before reaching to rub small circles on the back of your hand in comfort. 

He looked back into your eyes, trying to determine whether you were well enough to answer the question that had been burning in his brain all night. “What happened?” Severus spoke so softly, and though you could still hear the worry in his voice, his eyes gave away the vigorous overprotective tendency he’d clearly been trying to repress. But your concern lay with all the possible reactions he would have once you’d answered his question. Despite your beating heart telling you to tread carefully, you jumped into telling him exactly what you’d been burning to speak about all night. 

“The Centaurs were holding me captive. I think they had some sort of agreement with Dumbeldore to participate in this task. The Champions were supposed to rescue us and then we were supposed to tell them where the location of the Cup was. It was placed in such a dangerous spot Severus, I wish they hadn’t dragged us along with them,”

“Did they hurt you? The Centaurs?” Severus couldn’t believe you had been dragged into these ridiculous tasks and couldn’t fathom why they had picked you. Out of all the students at Hogwarts, why you? But as you continued your story, the questions he had only built up as his rage billowed. He couldn’t stand the thought of you being put in so much danger, all for what? Entertainment?

“No. They were instructed not to harm us. Only to try to stop the Champions from rescuing us. Anyways, the cup was a portkey. Whoever got there first would be transported back to the stadium so the judges and the audience would all see who won. The rest would have to make their way back on foot.” You finished your story and leaned back, resting your head on the pillow as you closed your eyes. “Guess I should be happy Andrei won and I didn’t have to walk through the forest any longer than I had to,” you mumbled. 

“But why you? Why were you picked? Shouldn’t it have been someone from Durmstrang?”

You blinked rapidly, looking at Severus as you paused a moment before responding. Searching his eyes, you reached for his hand before you answered his question in a low whisper. “Dumbledore said it had to be someone the Champions care about.” Keeping your eyes locked on his, you waited for his reaction as you’d feared he’d overreact when you told him why you were chosen to be the one Andrei had to rescue.

“What? What do you mean care about?”

You looked at him in silence, unsure of how to explain this further without having him jump to a conclusion you didn’t want him making. 

“Shouldn’t-Shouldn’t they have taken Lily then? It was her he took to the Ball,” you could hear the anger in his voice as he didn’t want to admit that he knew exactly why they had chosen you. Lily wasn’t his first choice to the Ball, he knew that all too well as it had almost prevented Severus from asking you himself. No, he knew all too well how the Durmstrang Champion, now Triwizard Victor, harbored feelings for you. He just didn’t want to face the paranoia that told him there was a possibility that you could return those feelings. 

“Sev,” you began before he turned his head and slipped his hand away from you. “Hey,” you said softly as you reached for his chin, moving his head slowly to turn back towards you. 

Your eyes locked as you mustered up all the strength you had to sit up and slowly lean forward, tilting your head to connect your lips with his. You gave him a soft kiss full of passion to show him he was the only one you cared about. You knew words wouldn’t convince him the thought you knew was lingering in his mind was false and you just didn’t have the energy to try, so you hoped the simple gesture of a kiss would be enough to ease his mind. 

“I love you,” you whispered as soon as you parted. He kept his eyes closed as he smiled. You felt him lift his hand and bury it into your hair before bringing you in for another gentle kiss. He leaned forward and gently placed your head back on the pillow as he kissed you.

“You need to get some rest,” he said as his lips hovered over yours before placing one last kiss over your forehead. He gently detached himself from you, standing beside you at the head of the bed.

“Stay with me,” you said as you quickly captured his hand. Severus looked back, pausing before looking over to the side to find a chair to bring over. “No,” you whispered as soon as you saw where his eyes were trailing. Letting go of his hand, you pulled the sheet up from his side, hoping that would be enough for him to get the hint. Severus looked at you wide eyed as he stared at the empty spot beside you. He couldn’t believe you wanted him so close to you. 

As his heart filled with lust, he carefully slipped into the bed beside you, pulling the covers back over you as you nuzzled into his chest, making yourself comfortable. Severus looked down at you as he wrapped his arms around you, slowly weaving his fingers through your hair as you closed your eyes, feeling sleep overtake you.

It wasn’t long after that Severus saw Madam Pomfrey peering around the curtain encircling you both. He smirked as he tightened his hold on you, raising a brow at her before looking back down at you, indicating that you were fast asleep and if she were to tell him to leave, you would surely wake up. Frowning at him, the matron silently closed the curtain letting you peacefully rest in your boyfriend’s arms the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter was very heavily inspired by the last task in the Goblet of Fire, with some obvious alterations. Hope you enjoyed :)


	21. Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You wake up the next morning feeling much better and spend the day with Severus.

The next morning, you woke up to a brightly lit room as the sun beamed through the large windows across from you. It took a while for your eyes to adjust and for the memory of last night to seep back in. Suddenly, you felt a hand gently brush through your hair, bringing you back to reality as you felt the chest of the slim figure below your head rise and fall. 

“Morning,” Severus whispered as he felt you shift in your spot. You slowly moved away to get a better look at his face, leaning up on your elbow and noticed he had his wand in hand. “How are you feeling?” he asked, putting away his wand before he swept away the nest that had formed from your hair, revealing your tired eyes. You smiled and leaned into his palm as it rested atop your left cheek. 

“Much better,” your voice was small and soft, though Severus suspected that was simply due to the fact that you’d just woken. “I think your potion really helped, thank you.” you leaned back down and gave him a kiss on the cheek before snuggling back into his chest. 

Severus was relieved to see that your hold on him was much stronger in comparison to last night. He’d been so worried, his mind just wouldn’t give him a single moment of peace as his thoughts strayed, going over every possible worst case imaginable. What if the potion he’d given you made you feel worse? What if he’d fall asleep and wake up to find you’d taken your last breath? It was for that reason Severus had neglected to sleep all night, too concerned for you to risk even closing his eyes for a second. Instead, he’d focused on your injuries, healing you as much as he could, constantly checking on you and praying you’d wake up completely recovered as he muttered spell after spell.

“Is it time for breakfast yet? I’m starving.” His mind snapped back as he felt you remove the covers, detaching yourself from him. He was quick to place a hand on your back as you through your legs over the side of the bed, wanting to get out of the infirmary as soon as possible. 

All too aware of your restlessness when it came to healing, Severus quickly moved beside you, not even bothering to protest as he knew you’d dismiss any argument he gave you opposing your need to get up. He wrapped his arm around your waist as he sat to your left. 

“(Y/N), are you sure you’re strong enough?” Your heart fluttered, hearing him so worried over you, but as you looked into his eyes, searching for that shine in those dark orbs, you found something else that had _you_ feeling worried over him instead. Seeing you frown as your hand went up to cup his cheeks had him suddenly self-conscious of how sleep deprived he probably looked. Not wanting you to feel guilty, he quickly reached over and grabbed the potion he’d brewed last night from the tableside. He popped open the vial and let his hair fall over his face as he tried handing it to you.

You looked down and quickly took the potion from him, but made no notion of drinking it as your concern for the boy beside you had already settled in. 

“Sev, did you sleep at all last night?” you asked as you reached over to raise his chin. He quickly took your hand in his instead as he looked down at the vial in your right hand. 

“Yes,” he whispered softly.

“You’re lying,” you replied as you removed your hand from his to tuck his hair behind his ear. Severus kept his gaze low, trying to keep from worrying you further. It didn’t matter how much sleep he’d gotten. He’d survived much worse, unable to sleep for days at a time when his parents had a rather nasty disagreement. All that mattered right now was you and your safety. You’d gone through so much already, the last thing he needed you to do was worry over him because you thought he required sleep. He just needed to know you’d be okay. That was the only thing that mattered right now. 

”I’m fine (Y/N). Take another sip,” he gestured to the vial in your hand, “and I’ll grab Madam Pomfrey to assess you so we can get out of here.” He gave you a small smile trying to distract you with the thought of escaping the infirmary. 

You quickly did as you were told, hoping to discuss his lack of sleep further afterwards, but just as Severus reached to take the vial from you, Madam Pomfrey had pushed back the curtain, tray in hand. 

Severus jumped up from the bed in alarm as he turned away from the matron, tucking the vial into his robe, out of sight, knowing he’d get in a heap of trouble if he was ever caught administering an unregulated potion to one of her patients. He’d already gotten on her bad side by staying with you all night, he didn’t want to push his luck any further. 

You watched as Madam Pomfrey set the tray full of food down on the table beside you. You smiled seeing the array of choices as well as the glass of pumpkin juice, but your glee slowly faded as you brought your attention back to the woman before you. You’d pushed her buttons so much last night and clearly the fact that you looked just about ready to jump out the window to get out of the infirmary was not settling well with her. 

“Why are you out of bed?” her stern voice was something you thought you’d never get used to hearing. It was worse than hearing Professor McGonagall scolding you for making a mistake in Transfigurations class. 

“I’m fine! Truly Madam Pomfrey, I feel much better!” you bellowed as much enthusiasm as you could muster into your voice, hoping she would mistake it for energy. 

“No you’re not, stay in bed! You haven’t healed yet!”

“Perhaps you should assess her once more,” suggested Severus. “If she was strong enough to get up on her own, then perhaps she’s healed quicker than you’d anticipated.” You wished he’d picked a better tone as he came off a bit disrespectful towards the matron. You knew he was only proud his potion had helped you recover at a much faster pace than the concoctions Madam Pomfrey had to offer, but that didn’t give him the right to speak to a member of the staff as though he were her superior. 

“I-I think what Severus _meant to say_,” you shot him a quick warning stare as you did your best to ease the mind of your healer, “is that I feel much better and I think I’m strong enough to leave the infirmary if you’d let me.”

She squinted as you hoped she’d considered your request and ignore your boyfriend’s less than gracious attitude. You watched as she sighed and took out her wand before gesturing for you to lay back down on the bed and allow her to do another assessment. You could tell she was surprised by the results as you caught a glance of Severus standing behind her, arms crossed with a proud smirk across his face. You smiled, doing your best not to giggle at the sight as Madam Pomfrey tucked her wand away, clearly trying to find any excuse to keep you in bed. 

“Very well,” she finally spoke, staring at you, trying to hide her avid confusion and subtle amazement. “You can go for now, but I’d like you to come back before lunch for another checkup, do you understand?”

“Yes ma’am,” you replied in delight as you quickly shot up from the bed, reaching for the food beside you. Madam Pomfrey quickly made her way out to tend to her more aggrieved patients as Severus walked over to you, helping you pack the food you were so frantically gathering into the table cloth. 

Your initial thought when she dismissed you went to heading to the Great Hall, until you remembered you would be unable to sit with Severus, nor would it give you a peaceful place to let him nap, so you immediately went to packing up the food Madam Pomfrey had provided in the hopes that he would agree to a picnic by the lake instead. But, as he clearly had the same thought, stuffing what was left on the tray in his robe before tying up the cloth and handing you the goblet full of pumpkin juice, there was no need to ask. 

“Do you want to change first before we head outside?” he asked as you left the infirmary, filling your stomach with a bit of pumpkin juice to wash down the potion you’d taken. With all the fuss this morning, you’d completely forgotten how absolutely ruined your uniform was until Severus had spoken up. 

“Yes, I think that would be best,” you giggled as you looked down at your clothing, realizing how much of a wreck you must look. “Perhaps a quick bath too if you’re okay with waiting a bit?” you said, looking up at him, knowing he wouldn’t say no. 

“Of course,” he smiled at you as you both made your way to Gryffindor tower. 

You quickly brushed through your soaked hair before reaching for a fresh uniform, not wanting to keep Severus waiting any longer than he already had, not to mention the fact that your stomach had now begun a verbal protest at the lack of food you’d eaten over the last twenty-four hours. Throwing on your shoes, you jolted from your bed and sped towards the hole that lead out of the Gryffindor common room. You found Severus leaning against the stone of the tower, sipping the pumpkin juice you’d handed him before heading to change.

Smiling as you approached, he watched as your hair bounced with every step you took before he felt you practically jumping on him, pushing him against the wall. You pressed your lips to his as your hands made their way from his chest to his shoulders, settling themselves in his hair. He lazily placed his free hand on your hip as he eagerly moved his lips with yours, glad to see your energy had returned as you’d refreshed. 

“Thank you,” you whispered as you parted, “for everything you did last night.”

He responded with a smile as he connected your lips for one last kiss before taking your hand in his and you both made your way to the lake. He handed you the goblet and watched as you drank. 

“So are you ever going to tell me what exactly happened in the forest last night?”

You looked up at him, frowning a little as you really didn’t wish to recall what you’d gone through the previous night. He was worried, and just wanted to be informed, you knew that, you just weren’t sure you’d be able to tell him everything without breaking down. 

“Sev, I-I just don’t think I can talk about that just yet,” you shifted your gaze to the ground as you continued walking around the lake and up the hill. 

“I understand,” he squeezed your hand in support, feeling a bit guilty for upsetting you. “Take your time (Y/N).” Trust was something you’d both worked so hard to gain from one another, so you knew that while you trusted him to drop the subject, he, in return, trusted that you’d open up to him when the time was right 

You smiled as you approached your spot under the tree. His support was always something you’d cherished deeply but seeing his patience and understanding with you was perhaps the best gift he’d ever given you as it conveyed his love for you for more than any object or words. The way he treated you was so different in comparison to his attitude towards others. He’d never acted so caring, so loving towards someone as he did you now. Even when you first met, he was so reluctant towards you, and he’d never allowed himself to show such affection towards Lily in fear of rejection.

To even consider you a friend was a step you’d worked hard to achieve, and now, now that you had stepped over all the obstacles thrown your way, growing your relationship into something you knew had the potential to be so beautiful, so powerful, you just wanted to relish and protect the bond between you both. Nothing could break you apart, not in this moment anyways. 

You quickly chugged down the rest of the pumpkin juice as Severus laid the food down between you both. 

“Aguamenti,” you heard him mumble, pointing his wand at the goblet you were about to put down. “Drink,” he instructed, “you need to stay hydrated.”

“Thank you,” you said before drinking the water that filled the cup in your hand. Always so considerate.

Severus watched as he let you take your pick before helping himself to a chocolate filled croissant. 

“The year’s almost over,” he said, trying his best to keep from bringing up last night’s events as he leaned back, propping himself up on his elbow, legs crossed comfortably over one another. 

“Indeed.” you smiled down at him as you swallowed the last of your toast and reached over to grab some of the fruit laid out in front of you. “I’m glad,” you popped a grape into your mouth as you leaned over on your side, facing him. “I can’t wait for Quidditch to start up again.”

“But you remember the promise you made me, right?” he replied finishing up his breakfast.

“How could I forget,” you smiled back, removing another grape, this time reaching over towards him. He parted his lips enough to let you feed him the grape as he continued to admire your beauty in the warm spring sun. How could he be so lucky to land such an amazing, talented girl?

He’d never understood what it meant to be skillful at flying until he’d seen you on a broom. It was hard for him to admit he indeed had been quite jealous of Potter, not for his talent as a seeker, but rather the fame and praise he’d receive after winning a game. It bothered him to see his peers, to see Lily, and even you, commend Potter for his performance on the pitch as flying to him was such a mundane skill. It was only taught to first years, so what did it matter if one was good at it or not?

But seeing you fly, was like watching a butterfly spread its wings for the first time and shore in the air, showing the world its grace and beauty. Last time he’d watched you play, he felt as though he had achieved his need to learn to fly gracefully through you, allowing him to finally let go of his jealousy and irritation towards Potter. 

“Sev, you should take a nap before we head back,” you said rolling over on your side as you pushed away all the leftover food to the side.

“I’m fine, I’m not tired,” he replied, pushing his hair behind him before reaching over to caress your cheek. 

“You can’t lie to me,” you reached up and took his hand in yours, scooting closer to him. He looked into your eyes as he smiled to himself. He’d always had a natural ability to deceive others around him, even as a child, he’d managed to elude his father, hiding his magical abilities until the day came and he left for Hogwarts. But you seemed to look right through him as his more cunning qualities faltered around you. You were his light… and weakness.

“Come here,” he whispered softly as he wrapped both arms around your waist, pulling himself closer to you, his head resting on your shoulder. Humoring your request, he closed his eyes. If he couldn’t sleep, at the very least he’d pretend to do so just to help ease your mind. 

You placed a hand over his arm as the other went to cradle his head. Yesterday had been so rough, but having Severus in your arms right now, feeling him lovingly nuzzle into you protectively almost made up for the awful things you had to endure in the forbidden forest. Closing your eyes, you took in his scent as you pressed your lips to the top of his head before slowly running your fingers through his hair. Severus shifted at the contact, and you swore you could hear a small purr vibrate against your chest as he settled into place. 

He’d done so much for you, staying up to heal you, brewing that potion, sneaking around the castle past curfew, you were glad to see him finally resting. His breathing evened out and his grip on you loosened as he finally drifted to sleep, his mind calming at the thought of you returning to full health.


	22. Train Ride Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Desperate for a moment alone, you and Severus quickly snag a compartment on the train ride back to London, enjoying the last bit of time you have together before heading back to the muggle world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Y/F/S) = your favorite sweet

The rigid feeling surrounding the carriage had the two Ravenclaws sitting across from you shifting uncomfortably in their place as Severus shot them a few more sharp glances. Looking out the window, you desperately tried to spot the entrance to the train station with no success. This was going to be a long ride, one you knew Severus didn’t have the patience for. 

All he wanted was to spend the last bit of time you had left together _alone, _uninterrupted, without having to pretend to tolerate the presence of other students. Granted, judging by the look on your face, he wasn’t doing a very good job, not that he cared much. Perhaps if he stared at them long enough, they’d have the decency to jump out the window and spare him from suppressing the urge to do something arguably regrettable. But alas, it was clear, Merlin had to test his diligence around you one last time. After all the events that occurred between you two this year, of course he had to find another barrier in his way. 

You looked over to find Severus wearing an expression on his face you could only describe as a cross between agitated and murderous. It was a common look you’d only see when in the company of anyone aside from you. Smiling to yourself, you took his hand in yours and began making soothing circles with your thumb on the back of his hand. He always preferred solidarity, even before you started dating, it was the one quality of his that made it so hard to get an invitation to join him under the shell he’d crawled under all those years ago. Severus relaxed ever so slightly under your touch, his hand squeezed yours, but his eyes didn’t break its intense glare on the students intruding on his time with you. 

Finally, the carriages stopped and you couldn’t have opened the door quicker as Severus removed the luggage from underneath the seats and handed it to you. Your unwanted company shuffled through the other side of the carriage, keeping their gaze off the boy who looked just about ready to pounce on them. Severus intertwined your fingers with his as he gripped the handle of his Hogwarts trunk (clearly meeting the end of its life span) and sped towards the train to find an empty compartment before he was forced to bare the company of any more meddlesome students. 

Lucky for you both, a free compartment made itself apparent as you walked down the narrow hall of the train. Severus quickly slide the compartment door open and went straight to tucking his luggage way before helping you with your own. Unfortunately, as you’d forgotten to close the door after you entered, you now found yourself face to face with a Gryffindor and two young Hufflepuffs politely asking if the seats across from you were taken.

“Get out.” Severus’ voice rumbled through the confined space as he quickly went to shove them out, closing the door before roughly pulling the curtains shut, as if leaving some sort of warning to anyone else who dare get between him and his love. 

“Severus,” you said as you giggled, taking a step towards him. He happily opened his arms to you, wrapping them around your waist as you placed yours over his chest. “That was rude.”

True, they were doing nothing more than trying to find a seat before the rest of the herd joined you on the Hogwarts Express, but you couldn’t lie, you also had no interest in sharing a compartment with anyone other than Severus. 

This train was quite special to you. Not only because it had introduced you to the place you grew to call home, but it had also given you the means to meet the boy you grew to find comfort and affection in. It had become quite the symbol for your relationship with Severus; you’d come to Hogwarts this year with nothing more than lingering feelings towards one another and now leaving the same way but as a joint couple, bound together through love. So, was it really so crazy to want nothing but a moment alone together in a place so important to you?

“I don’t care,” he whispered, his grip on you tightening. You could feel his muscles contract as he pulled you in, his eyes lingering between yours and your lips. 

You hummed, smiling as you slowly leaned in, connecting your lips with his, loving just how badly he wanted to get you alone. You couldn’t lie, the desperation he showed kind of turned you on, like he’d do almost anything to have you, to be with you. It was an infatuating feeling to see him show just how much you meant to him. Pressing yourself to the length of his frame, you slide your hands up, through his hair, tilting your head all the while to deepen the kiss.

His touch always so feverish, his thin lips moving against yours, the way your fingers so easily slipped through his hair like an eel freely gliding on the bottom of the deepest ocean, you could never get enough. Sliding a hand from the nape of his neck down his chest, you let your fingers teasingly play with the fabric of his school robe before pressing your palm to his lower stomach. A growl vibrated in his throat as he parted from you, only to tilt his head to the other side and reconnect your lips. It was mesmerizing how he’d almost literally take your breath away with the simple token of a kiss. 

Deciding to continue your little charade, you let your hand follow the trail his belt made to his hip. In return, Severus gave a little squeeze to your waist in approval before both hands slithered behind you, separating as one rested on your lower back and the other right above your bra strap. You could feel your lunges begging for air as the pressure in your chest intensified, pressing so tightly against him. Your heart raced with every move he made, desperate for more.

Whatever snarky attitude Severus had to take on to get this compartment to yourselves, it was definitely worth it if not for this soul moment of bliss. No space was spared between your chests, and you questioned if he could feel the raging pumps of your heart eagerly emanating. Wondering if his heart was beating just as fast as yours, you slide your hand out of his hair, sliding it down, search for the familiar rhythm giving life to such a brilliant, tenacious, lovestruck boy. You never got the chance to find it however as you practically sprang from his arms at the sound of the door clicking. 

Severus was quick to react when he felt you pull away, knowing exactly what caused your little jump scare, his left foot shot up as he leaned back, closing the door. Momentary taking his gaze off you, he locked the compartment entrance in the hopes you wouldn’t be disturbed again before shooting you a smirk and pulling you back in. 

You just couldn’t help but giggle as you placed your hands back on his chest. Severus tilted his head, with the clear intention of resuming your kiss, but you just couldn’t stop the soft chuckles escape your lips. 

“I love you,” you mumbled as you parted. It was a lost cause trying to resume what you had going before; the mood was ruined. 

“I love you more,” he whispered as he let his forehead meet yours, closing his eyes to revel in the moment. He had half a mind to hex the door, causing the next person to even touch the air surrounding the compartment to grow abnormally long fingernails. Let’s see them try to interrupt him again when they can’t even reach the handle.

Biting your lower lip, you slowly stepped away, running your fingers gently down his arm until you captured his hand, leading him to the seat by the window. 

Severus let you take a seat first as he took out a book from your luggage. It was the last book you’d brought with you to Hogwarts he hadn’t read yet and though he’d asked you countless times prior, you’d always refused to read it with him, saying you wanted to save it for the ride home. Well, the day finally came, and Severus could only hope the buildup all this anticipation caused would be met with a lyrically blissful book. Though even if it was the worse book ever written, he knew he’d still enjoy it, because he’d be reading it with someone so extraordinarily special to him. He took his place beside you, both instantly cuddled up to one another, feeling the vibrations of the railroad below as the train picked up speed. 

The compartment steadied with silence as you both read. Every now and then you’d feel the rumbles of a purr coming from Severus each time you nuzzled into his chest, or the crook of his neck. It was quite endearing, seeing how soft he’d get around you and only you. You hadn’t talked much about summer. Neither of you really enjoyed it, finding a home in Hogwarts, Severus more so than you. But that was before you’d gotten together, before you became a couple. What would happen when you stepped out of this train, heading your separate ways? Sure, you could write to one another, perhaps arrange a meeting like last summer (maybe with a little more flare this time), but is that all? Was that enough? The thought of being apart for so long frightened you. You’d both gotten so used to each other’s company, seeing one another every day during breakfast, studying together in the afternoon, taking a walk in the evening. What would happen now with the extra distance placed between you both?

The sudden squeaks of wheels and the light mumbled of distant chatter outside your crypt of love brought your attention back to the door once more. Severus smirked as he saw your back straighten and your eyes widen in delight. Clearly, you were looking forward to a light treat before arriving in London. It was adorable really, how such small pleasures illuminated you with absolute euphoria. 

He bookmarked the page and placed the book on his seat before rummaging through his luggage to find the coin bag stuffed in the bottom of his trunk. “It’s on me,” he said when he saw you reaching to retrieve your own coins. 

You froze in your place and slowly lowered your arms as you watched Severus swiftly make his way to the door to unlock it. You felt yourself floating off the ground, admiring how quick he was to notice your needs, jumping at the opportunity to please you. 

Just as you made your way over to him, the trolley pulled up to your compartment, Severus already giving the woman his order, handing him the few coins he had left. You wrapped your arms around his waist, pressing your lips to his shoulder as you eyed all the sweets, dancing on the trolley. 

Distracted by the vibrant colours and sparkling wrappers, you completely missed Severus stuffing his empty money bag into his pocket and twisting his body to face you. It was only when the trolley began moving and the door slid shut, the familiar sound of the lock clicking once more, that you snapped back to see (Y/F/S) in Severus’ hands as he wore a sweet smile on his face.

“Thank you,” you whispered as he handed it to you. His slender fingers hooked under your chin, bringing your attention back to him as he gently pressed his lips to yours, a quick kiss of appreciation exchanged between the two of you. 

Severus picked up the book and opened it to find the page you’d both left on as you took a seat beside him. It wasn’t until then that you’d noticed he’d only bought you something and had neglected to get something for himself. Guilt seeped into your gut as a small frown appeared on your face. Had he really spent what was left of his earnings on something for you to eat? You had money, if he hadn’t stopped you, you could have paid for it yourself, allowing him to indulge himself in whatever he pleased. 

Severus placed aside the bookmark but when his eyes turned back to the book, he didn’t find the intricately printed words on the pages of the softcover he was expecting to find, but rather, a broken piece of the treat he’d bought you held in your hands as an offering to him. 

“I bought it for you,” he said. It took him a moment to form words. He’d frozen in place, mildly confused as to what you were doing. 

“We can share,” you replied as you gestured for him to take his piece.

Smiling, you watched him take the piece from you and pop it into his mouth. Breaking off a piece for yourself, you both ate and chatted the rest of the ride back to London. 

It had to be moments like this you’d miss the most. Sure, it was fun to study together, discovering new spells, watching his talent blossom. Stealing glances during class was also something you’d cherish, but this, these moments where you’d simply listen to each other ramble, examining the features of each other’s faces, memorizing the soft tones of one another’s voices, this had to be the best of it all. It was always something you’d rarely get to enjoy as is, but going home would put an even larger dent in your ability to capture such moments. Owling each other letters wouldn’t do and yes, perhaps you could both get your hands on a muggle phone, but that just wasn’t enough. 

How were you to enjoy the musky smell of the lavender shampoo he’d use after a bath? How were you to see his lips twitch in happiness each time they parted from yours? How were you to go without feeling him, without seeing him for so long?

“I don’t want to leave the train,” Severus whispered as his fingers gently caressed the plush skin of your cheeks, his eyes roaming your face, desperately trying to memorize the deep colour of your lips, the arc of your brows, the glimmer that brought out the colour of your iris. You closed your eyes and leaned into his touch before wrapping your arms around his neck. 

“Neither do I.” Severus felt the tickle of your even breath on the base of his neck as he tightened his hold around your waist, bowing his head to bury his face in your hair. 

It was time. The train had stopped several minutes ago. You’d both packed up your belongings, your luggage patiently waiting for you by the entrance. But the door was still bolted shut. Perhaps if you both stayed quiet and closed the curtains, no one would notice and the train would head back to Hogwarts with you in it. You couldn’t believe you had to part from him so soon and you swore the train had somehow gone a million times faster than the last few times you’d ridden it. It wasn’t fair. You weren’t done. You weren’t ready. 

Severus pulled back, only enough to capture your lips for one last goodbye kiss, one last chance to relish one another’s taste. You could hear the compartments around you open as the students began to file out of the train and onto the platform. Family members reuniting with their children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews. But you kept your position firm, holding on to Severus for as long as you could. 

“We should get going,” you whispered as you heard the happy chatter die down, the last of the student’s passing your compartment and joining the other’s outside the train. Severus sighed before taking a step back, holding you at arm’s length, hoping to capture every detail of this moment. Smiling, you took his hand and you both reached for your luggage. 

As Severus slid open the door, you peered down the empty never-ending hall. Two months. Only two months and you’d be back, walking down this grey carpet, sharing a compartment with Severus again. You knew you’d both do everything in your power to see one another over the summer, but you just couldn’t find it in yourself to rely on such vague assumptions. 

You could feel the tension pumping through the veins of your boyfriend, and you wondered if he held stronger reservation to leaving than you did. Raising your hand, you gently pressed your lips to the back of his in comfort, lingering just a little longer than you had to as you peered into the deep dusk in his dark pupils. Severus gave you a reassuring smirk before stepping out the door, holding on to you tightly when he saw you were the last to leave. Walking hand in hand, you made your way to the door, time slowing with each step you took, only speeding back up when Severus let you go and you stepped down the stairs onto the warm concrete of the King’s Crossing platform. 

The crowd was thick, and you were glad Severus was unable to spot his mother at first glance, giving you just a few more seconds together as you made your way closer to the exit. You were the first to spot her, remembering just how much she stood out in the sea of jubilant families; a lone slim figure of a woman, heavy eyes and an inapparent interest in being reunited with her son. 

“I’ll see you soon,” you whispered as you both stopped a few meters away from her.

“I hope so,” he spoke with so much longing in his voice, your heart tugging at his words. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” you said before he turned around, walking away, carrying your heart along with him. 


	23. Summer Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You owl Severus after arriving back home and plan to meet up later that week.

_‘Love is missing someone whenever you’re apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you’re close in heart.’ _

Severus smiled as he read over that line from the old muggle book he’d dug up the morning after arriving back at Spinner’s End. That line had played over in his mind overnight and he couldn’t help but find comfort in it. The first time he’d read this book he thought the author was living in some fantasy world with an absurd view on love. But he had to admit, he’d simply been a foolish naive boy who’d never truly experienced love the way it was described. How hypocritical was he now to feel his heart swell with warmth at the thought of you after deeming that book absolute rubbish? Even now, waking up knowing he couldn’t see you, he still felt happy despite the fact that he desperately missed you.

It felt rather odd to break from his usual routine of sneaking out of his dorm early to meet you in the astronomy tower. He felt lost when he woke up today, unsure of what to do with his time if it wasn’t being spent with you. Of course, anything would be an improvement to sitting in bed, listening to yet another argument emitting from the kitchen below. 

You’d proven to be such a distraction on the train, he’d forgotten the somber look on his mother’s face was awaiting him at Kings Crossing. His father’s disapproval of every little thing, lost to him. Even now, the sound of their voices muffled through the walls was something he thought he’d gotten used to, but it seemed louder somehow, like he’d stepped into a house that wasn’t his own. Though he supposed in a way, it never was. The little house at the edge of Spinner’s End had provided him with a shelter, a place to sleep while he waited to be sent home. To his real home at Hogwarts, the only place he’d felt a sense of belonging. The home he shared with you. 

Severus shut the book and placed it back in the old bookshelf that stood in the corner of his room. One of these days he will have to learn to let go of some of these books or find another place to store them before the wood panels they stood on snapped in two. Turning back, he went to his trunk and took out the book you gave him for his birthday and began rereading it in hopes of finding a distraction from the noise below. He sat against the wall where his bed had been shoved with the book open in his lap when an owl landed on his window sill. Looking up he stared at the creature that stuck out its leg at him, patiently waiting for the letter attached to be removed. Severus closed his book and placed it aside as he eyes the owl in surprise. He wasn’t one to receive letters often, especially when he’d just returned to Spinner’s End. 

Sitting up, he reached over and untied the letter, watching as the owl took a few steps to the side and made itself comfortable. Severus traced over his name, smiling when the identity of the sender finally registered. Excitement pumped through his body as he turned over the envelope and tore it open, unfolding its contents.

_Severus,_

_We only got off the train 12 hours ago and I already miss you. I was wondering if you would want to accompany me to a local bookstore that I like to visit over the summer. Does Thursday work for you? Send me an owl as soon as you can. _

_Can’t wait to see you again. _

_Love you, _

_(Y/N)_

He read it over again, the grin on his face growing wider with every word. He absolutely adored seeing you miss him so much, already making plans to see him. If this was how he would spend his days in this wretched house, perhaps the summer wouldn’t be so awful after all. Severus reset his gaze as his eyes scanned over his own name printed so neatly at the top of the page when he heard the owl on his window hoot in annoyance. His head shot up and noticed the owl edging closer to him, stretching out its neck as it eyed the letter in his hand. Realizing you must have paid to have it send his response as well, he quickly made his way to his trunk and retrieved a quill and inkwell before taking a seat and pulling out a spare piece of paper.

_(Y/N),_

_Thursday sounds great, I’ll meet you at the park at eight o’clock._

_Love you too, _

_Severus_

He looked down at the letter, his cramped writing giving the appearance its length was shorter than it truly was. He had so much to say, so many emotions, yet he knew words somehow would never be enough. He folded his letter instead, placed it inside an envelope and wrote your name on it before he reached over and tied it to the owl who’d already had it’s leg out in anticipation. Severus leaned over the window sill and watched the owl sore into the air until it disappeared before plopping himself back on his bed and resumed rereading your letter. 

Receiving your confirmation letter had Severus counting down the days as if he would be soon returning back to Hogwarts. He felt like a child who’d been promised a trip to the toy store, ready to pick out anything he pleased and only you would ever have such an effect on him. 

After never ending days of reading, shouting and distractions, the Thursday sun finally shinned through Severus’ window, piercing his pupils as he opened his eyes. Though it seemed improbable, the bright outdoors had him wonder if mother nature was as happy as him today. 

Severus shoved his face in his hands, grateful he wasn’t sharing a room with dozens of Slytherin boys who’d surly make fun of the eager grin and splatter of rose on his cheeks. This had to be the first time he’d woken up in Spinner’s End excited to start the day and he wasn’t about to waste a second of it. 

Throwing his covers to the side, he quickly got out of bed and began rummaging through his closet until he found a decent pair of trousers along with simple black short-sleeve shirt. He changed as quickly as he could just in time to see his father slam the door shut on his way out for work. His mother was no doubt in the kitchen as always. Cooking was the only thing that brought her joy anymore, something about stirring a pot reminded her of her times as a Potioner and it only strengthened Severus’ resentment for her choice to give up her life as a witch for a muggle. She’d taught him so much when he was young, as if bestowing her knowledge, putting it to use would somehow make up for the fact that she couldn’t contribute as a functioning member of the to the Wizarding World anymore.

There she was, as he’d suspected, hunched over the stove with breakfast already on the table. Eileen Snape, former member of the once honorable Prince family, cooking in a muggle house when she could have assigned a house elf to such a treacherous task if she hadn’t been disowned. It didn’t matter now. She’d made her choice and Severus was sure to take note as to not make the same mistakes his mother had chosen to make. He would make something of himself despite his tainted bloodline. 

“I have some errands to run today Mum,” he said as he shuffled through the kitchen and head straight for the rightmost cabinet where the tea was stored. He grabbed an earl grey tea bag and placed it into his mug before he poured in the hot water his mother had boiled that morning. 

“Errands? You’ve been back three days. Where are you off to then?” She asked, turning off the stove and let whatever sauce she was making steep as she reached for the defrosted chicken to begin slicing it. 

“Nowhere, just to a nearby bookstore.” Severus opened the fridge and looked for cream for his tea but found none. With a sigh of disappointment, he opted to sit at the table and pop two sugar cubes into his tea instead. 

“Are you meeting with that Evan’s girl again?” 

Severus kept his eye on his tea, watching the sugar slowly dissolve as he stirred it while his mother spoke. “Or perhaps that girl you rode the train with?”

His head shot up to see his mother eyeing him with a mischievous grin, eyes still so heavy as always. Pupils dilated, he felt his cheeks heat up before he snapped his attention back to his tea, his hair falling forward to cover whatever embarrassment leaked out onto his face. 

“Who is she?” she asked, turning her attention back to the task at hand. 

Severus removed the teaspoon, licking it clean before placing it on the empty plate and taking a sip of his tea. He wasn’t ashamed of you of course. He was rather proud of his relationship, especially after bounding with you for so long. But he never once thought of mentioning you to his parents when they were always so busy with each other. It never once crossed his mind his mum would care about his personal life in the slightest. 

“A friend,” Severus mumbled as he made his way through his morning beverage, downing it to try and escape before this conversation took a turn he couldn’t get away from. 

“Just a friend?” she cooed. With her attention focused on the chicken, Severus quickly gulped down the rest of his tea, picking up the plate and placed his used cutlery in the sink before heading towards the exit. “The way you were smiling at King’s Crossing I would have thought-”

“Bye Mum!” he shouted as he scurried off towards the exit. Smiling, he shut the door and stuffed his hands in his pockets as he made his way to the park to meet you. 

Merlin only knows what would have happened if he’d stayed to continue conversing with his mother. And since when did she care about his personal life? He was surprised she even knew Lily’s family name, let alone notice him smiling at you when she picked him up from King’s crossing.

He was early. You were nowhere to be found, the park completely empty including the swing set where he’d found you last time you’d met here. He went and leaned against the old tree sitting at the parameter of the park and waited, wondering what this bookstore you were so eager to show him entailed. Cokeworth wasn’t exactly known for its selection of literature, one of the many reasons he’d become a sort of book hoarder. Though he didn’t really get out much in the muggle world and any money he made he’d rather spend on Magical books so he wouldn’t exactly call himself a Cokeworth bookstore expert. 

It didn’t really matter where you took him, if it be a bookstore or night club, he would enjoy your company either way. Although a nice quiet place would be ideal. And one away from Muggles as well, so perhaps a bookstore was the perfect place for you both to spend time if not at Hogwarts.

Finally, he spotted you heading towards the park from the main road, cheerful as ever. Severus pushed his back against the tree trunk, propping himself upright, and began making his way over towards you as he admired the angelic glow around you in the summer sun, the simple dress and your hair high in a ponytail complimenting your form. That Hogwarts uniform really did you no justice. 

Neither of you said a word as you approached one another and instead came together in an embrace as your lips pressed together. You tightened your hold around his neck as you felt him pressing you closer into him, your lips desperate to make up for the lack of contact over the last few days.

“I missed you,” you whispered, keeping your lips ghosted over his. He hummed and placed a hand on your cheek before leaning in to connect your lips in response. You giggled, eager to meet his quick movements. 

“So what about this bookstore you wanted to show me?” he asked as you both walked hand in hand towards the main road. 

“Yes, I’ve been working there during the summer for the last few years,” you said, excited to show him the one place in the muggle world that meant almost as much to you as Hogwarts. “You’ll love it, they have the best selection of books and the owner is so nice.”

“I didn’t know you worked over the summer.” Severus dropped his shoulders in disappointment, realizing how little he knew about your life outside of Hogwarts. He had never thought to ask because he was never one to talk about his own muggle life.

“Where do you think I got my money from? My parents didn’t exactly leave me anything.”

He gave you a quick smile as you both hopped onto the bus and found a seat. Feeling guilty, Severus began asking questions, wanting to know every detail of your life until your stop finally arrived, and he found himself standing in front of the quaintest bookstore he’d ever seen. It looked quite small on the outside and he wondered where they could keep all those books you’d been going on about. This was a muggle store, they didn’t have the ability to charm their rooms and make them appear smaller on the outside. 

You eagerly stepped through the door and Severus followed only to pause and peer over the anticlimactic room he’d just stepped into. He could only spot a few simple shelves, holding what appeared to be their best sellers and a cashier’s counter. It wasn’t until he spotted the stairwell in the left corner of the room that he understood the main floor of the store was a level below. 

He passed by a few Muggles as he followed you down the stairs opening to a rather generous floor that seemed to be littered in books. Peering around, he tried to keep track of all the different sections only to feel rather overwhelmed by how many there were. He was reminded of the first time he’d stepped into the Hogwarts library and in fact, this bookstore did appear like a mini replica of the most extravagant library in the Wizarding World, which he found to be rather ironic. He could definitely see why you were so fond of this bookstore. 

“Mr.Davis!” you said as you spotted the owner. Severus turned his head and quickly followed you as you made your way over to the older gentlemen speaking to what he assumed was one of the workers. 

“(Y/N), I thought your first shift wasn’t until tomorrow?” he said, greeting you with a gentle smile. 

“It is, I just wanted to show my boyfriend around today,” you gestured for Severus to come forward as you introduced him. “This is Severus.”

“Nice to meet you Severus,” Mr.Davis shook his hand before turning to you and inviting you to the back room. The man seemed rather enthusiastic for someone who’s income relied on the people of Cokeworth buying the books he had to offer. Living in an industrial town, Severus never imagined finding such an extravagant bookstore, especially one located in the middle of nowhere. And he surly didn’t imagine finding anyone in a bookstore though he supposed most muggles needed some sort of hobby to pass the time.

“All yours (Y/N).” Mr.Davis shot you a quick smile before leaving you and Severus in a room even more cluttered with books. 

Severus couldn’t believe the number of books stuffed into this room. It’s as if a Doubling Charm had been placed on each book and when he spotted some stacks with the same cover, he had to take a step back and remind himself he was in a muggle store. 

“He keeps all the old books back here,” you explained, making your way to the very back of the room. “Any returned books that he can’t sell or extra copies of retired titles get stored here. He lets me go through them whenever I come visit and keep whatever I want.”

“So this is where you get most of your books then?” Severus finally began to understand how you were always able to keep your selection of books fresh while he continuously reread the few books he owned. 

“Yes. Well obviously, I can’t get any wizarding books here, but some of these muggle authors write really well.” You began shifting through one of the many boxes, took out a book by your favorite author and handed it to him. “Here, this author is amazing, I’ve read all her books.”

“How many books do you have?”

“Well, I don’t keep them all, I only keep the ones I want to reread and give the rest to the other kids at the orphanage. You’re welcome to take whatever you want in this room,” you said before picking up another box that caught your eye and placed it on the floor. 

Severus smiled, watching you sift through the box, pick up a book and open it to the first page before opening the book you handed him to read the summary. It seemed interesting enough so he thought he would give it a shot. He then joined you in rummaging through the rest of the boxes. Both of you creating a rather generous book collection to take home

An hour went by before Mr.Davis came in to check up on you two, bring two paper bags with him knowing you had already picked out too many books to carry. 

“Thank you Mr.Davis,” you said as you handed Severus the bags and asked him to pack up the books you had piled on the floor. You stood up and made your way to the door to catch the store owner before he made his way back to the floor. “Listen, I know you’re a bit understaffed this summer with Angela still at college and Steven staying home to take care of his mother, so I was wondering if you would consider hiring Severus to work around the store with me.”

Mr.Davis looked over at the boy who was carefully placing each one of your books into the store bags he’d provided before turning his attention back to you. “Well, I could use the help. You’ve probably noticed our stock has increased a lot while you were at school,” he took a moment to think before he continued. “Alright, send him to my office in ten minutes so I can interview him.” 

“Thanks Mr.Davis!” You held back your excitement as you closed the door behind him and made your way back to Severus to tell him the good news.

Severus was surprised by your proposition, never considering willingly taking a job in a muggle shop and he wondered if doing so would only upset his father further since he’d spent most of his summers helping him at the cigarette factory. He’d no doubt be forced to hand over anything he made from this job if he told them. Then again, he was getting older and he was of age now, meaning he was allowed to perform magic outside of Hogwarts, giving him a leg up against his father if he were to protest. 

“Come on,” you said, “It’ll be fun! We can see each other practically every day and Mr.Davis is really nice. Just go talk to him, you can ask him about whatever is giving you reservations.”

He smiled at the thought of seeing you so often and imagined how peaceful it would be to work here with you. His parents’ approval be damned. He’ll come up with an excuse and keep the money himself if the store owner would have him. 

“Alright,” he said as he stood up and followed you to the owner’s office. You waited anxiously as ten minutes went by, then twenty, then thirty. Finally, the door opened and you sprung up from your spot and immediately closed the book in your hand as you watched Mr.Davis chuckle while letting Severus out of his office. You smiled when you saw the happy look on his face.

“Severus, you can start tomorrow with (Y/N), if you like,” Mr.Davis said, shaking his hand one last time. 

“Thank you sir,” Severus replied before heading back over to you. 

“I’m so happy,” you said as you lunged at him, throwing your arms tightly around his neck. You both left the store shortly after that as you wrapped your arm around his and clutched the bag of books in your other hand, ready to begin a summer filled with nothing but joy and content.


	24. Land of the Unexpected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking a lunch break, you and Severus take a walk to a nearby park.

Severus grabbed two more copies of The Shining, stuffed them into the new release section before grabbing the box carrying extra copies and made his way to the backroom. His eyes immediately found your figure hunching over several boxes, organizing the pile of books behind you. His lips twitched into a smile as he watched your focus and dedication narrow on the task at hand. These last few weeks had been heaven like for Severus. Spending all of Sundays through Thursdays with you. Sure it wasn’t anything compared to the time you’d spend in Hogwarts but considering the fact that school was out and you wouldn’t be able to go back anytime soon, the time you spent in this bookstore was more than a blessing. 

The argument he had with his parents the day he came home with the news had been one of the worst he’d seen to date. But if there was any fight worth baring it would be the one giving him the chance to work with you. His wit stayed in focus as he watched the spiral of anger his father emitted blast through the living room when he stated the fact that he’d be working at a bookstore rather than take part in the annual tradition of spending most of his time filing box after box of cigarette packs.

His hand went straight to his back pocket where he’d stashed his wand when the man playing his father abruptly stood from his armchair and rushed towards him. His mother’s eyes widened in shock when she saw Severus reaching for his wand, placing herself between them before her only son did something so foolish as to strike down a muggle. 

It was all such a blur now. His mother commanding he go to his room. He’d never seen her so protective before that night. He’d in fact never seen her act so cautious of him before and never had he imagined listening to her actually defend him once he left. It was hard to hear what she was saying at first, her voice strangely calm, or perhaps she was too frightened of the situation to raise her voice. But as the minutes went by, he could hear her stern comments vibrating through the walls. She’d told him off. Standing up for her son, something Severus didn’t think her capable of doing, but she’d done it. And before he knew it, the house had finally settled, his father resuming his act of pretending like Severus didn’t exist, even more so than usual and he’d happily gone to work the next day, loaded with caffeine in the hopes that you wouldn’t catch his lack of sleep and asked what happened the night before. 

But of course, you had. And the truth came stumbling from his mouth as he shared every detail of the horrific event. It was worth it, he’d told you. And he meant it.

“Where should I place these?” he asked as he approached you, gesturing to the box in his hand. You stood up and peered inside before pointing to a corner near the door. 

His parents, his home at Spinner’s End was never a topic he enjoyed discussing, especially after listening to his peers in Slytherin talk about their fortune, their glamorous life outside of Hogwarts. He’d shut down, changed his willingness to talk about his muggle life after that, even around Lily. But it was different with you. His relationship with you was nothing he’d ever experienced before. He felt comfortable with you, like he could tell you anything and be spared from the judgment he knew he would get from others. 

He loved how you’d run your fingers through his hair as he told you about his father’s rage and his mother’s neglect. He couldn’t get enough of the small touches you gave when he mentioned how his mother finally stepped forward only to stop him from pulling out his wand. The gentle smile you gave him at the end of his story was something he’d always cherish. 

“Ready for lunch?” he asked as he watched you remove the cap from the marker you held and write something on the side of the box you’d just closed.

“Just give me a few more minutes,” you replied, “I want to finish organizing this pile before we take a break.” You clicked the marker cap back in place before you began going through the last stack of books, placing the appropriate titles in a new box while the others were stashed away in the corner to be organized later. 

Severus stood there admiring you work so hard, putting so much effort into the task you’d been handed by the owner. He had to admit, when Mr.Davis first approached you about reorganizing the entire backroom all on your own, he thought it a bit absurd. The room held way too many books for one person to go through on their own, but lo and behold, you’d managed to get through a little more than a quarter of the room over the last two weeks, supposedly without the use of magic (or so you’d told him). 

“Can I help?” he said, walking towards you, eyeing the three boxes you’d sealed shut. 

You took a moment before you looked up and registered his offer. Glancing over to the boxes you had stacked to your left, you nodded your head. “Can you put those boxes away on the third shelf to the right?” you asked, accepting his helping hand. Severus leaned down and picked up all three boxes at once, missing how easy magic made such tasks. 

It was a shame really you two hadn’t gone to the wizarding world to find jobs, help you stay connected with the community over your summer break. Then again, the convenient location of this bookstore did help strengthen your relationship. 

“In alphabetical order please Severus!” you shouted just as he arrived at the shelves you’d mentioned. He glanced back, your face only just visible through the thin strip of air between the shelf and the books it held. 

Severus placed the boxes on the floor, his smile returning as his fingers lingered over your writing, forever engraved in the box on which it lay. He quickly picked up the first box and slide it in place before searching the location of the second, then the third. 

Just as he walked back over, he saw you putting away the last box before turning to face him. Perhaps you had managed to organize the books without the use of magic. “I believe it’s your turn today, right?”

He stepped forward and pulled you in for a quick kiss, humming as he parted. Severus took your hand and you both made your way to the very back of the room where you’d kept your belongings. Severus leaned down and removed a brown paper bag from his backpack while you removed your nametag. Severus handed you the bag in his hand and did the same before you both made your way out of the backroom and made your way towards the exit. 

Walking up the street, watched for cars as you both made your way across, you headed to the nearby park located behind the bookstore. Others probably would have been sick of spending every single lunch, five days a week in the same spot, but you didn’t mind in the slightest. It was rather the company you kept than the location itself that mattered. The change of scenery and fresh air was a mere bonus. 

You tightened your grip on the little brown bag you held, wondering what Severus brought you today. The system you’d put in place, though convenient, had you feeling a little guilty. Yes, it was only fair to take turns bringing lunch for one another; you on Monday and Wednesday, Severus Sunday and Tuesday while Thursday interchanged between the both of you each week. But he had to get up early every morning when it was his turn to make lunch, careful not to wake his parents. He’d naturally reassured you, telling you he’d been using magic to make lunch and thus cutting the prep time in half. But you still felt so uneasy, as if he was risking breaking house rules all so you could have a bite to eat when lunch came round. 

As you took a seat at your usual lunch spot, placing the bag between you both, Severus took out a sandwich and handed it to you. You smiled in gratitude, unwrapped it and took a bite. 

“Did your mom make these?” you asked before taking another bite. It was a simple ham and cheese sandwich, but you could tell it wasn’t him who’d prepared it because Severus would normally cut off the crust, something you found rather charming. 

“Why? Do you hate my cooking that much?” he teased. 

“No!” you said, lightly shoving him, a small chuckle vibrating against your throat. “I just know your style.”

Severus smiled as he took a bite of his own sandwich. “Yeah, she made them,” he averted his gaze as he shifted a little. “Actually, there’s something I should tell you.”

You looked up from your lunch, wide eyed as his voice dropped. Something was wrong, or rather, something had changed, and you couldn’t tell whether the news he had to share was good or bad.

“What is it?” you asked, giving him your full undivided attention. 

“My dad left us.”

You froze in shock as your hands slowly lowered, weakly resting on your lap. Your eyes desperately scanned his face, instinctively trying to find the sorrow you knew any child would feel at the sight of a parent’s abandonment, but of course, you found nothing of the sort. “Sev-” you whispered. 

“No, it’s a good thing.” He shook his head, noticing the pity in your eyes. “He was a deadbeat anyways. All he ever did was yell at everything. The house is quiet now and my mum is finally getting a full night’s rest.”

“That’s good to hear,” you said, giving him a sheepish smile as you gently placed your hand over his. He looked down and tightened his grasp around your fingers, leaning into the comfort you never failed to provide. 

You hadn’t heard anything too cheery about Tobias Snape. The little you knew about him said he wasn’t much of a father to Severus and you’d always resented him ever since the first day of fifth year when Severus had shown up bruised. The happiest memory you’d been told of was the dinner spent in absolute silence the first day he’d come home after working at Mr.Davis’ Bookshop which really said something. Though none of the things you were told would have you believe him to be a deadbeat, you could tell Severus felt much happier with him gone and you were glad his mother was still around and seemingly paying more attention to him. 

“How are you feeling about this?” you whispered as you moved your hand up, resting it under his chin as your thumb gently swept over his cheek. Severus met your gaze and smirked at your compassion towards him. Was it possible to fall in love with someone all over again without actually ever falling out of love? 

“I’m fine (Y/N). I’m happy.” He reassured you and you finally felt the tension in your shoulders lift as you resumed devouring your lunch. 

He sure seemed much happier today and this would explain his mother’s sudden interest in his life, making lunches, asking about his day, investing in his personal life when Severus had told you she’d never had such inclinations before. You began to wonder if something had happened while you were in school, whether his mother had some sort of epiphany causing her to change her attitude, ultimately resulting in the end of her marriage. 

“Mum wants to return to her potions career, now that my father’s gone,” Severus told you as you walked beside him, watching as he threw the crumpled up brown bag in the bin. 

“Oh?”

“She had to stop when she married my dad,” he continued as you slowly walked around the park for some fresh air before heading back to work. “But she has been out of practice for a while so I don’t know how easy it will be for her to get back into the field.”

“Well, if her skills are anything like yours, I’m sure she’ll very easily find a job.”

Severus still got so flustered whenever you complimented him, feeling he was undeserving of such praise. He held back a small smile, taking your hand as you walked side by side. He’d grown rather used to showing small tokens of affection in public. There was no harm in hand-holding, even if some members of the older generation shot them glances of disapproval. He was in love, and proud to have you by his side. 

“I hope she does,” he said, “Then maybe we can find a home in the wizarding world.” His tone emulated disgust, as if the town he lived in, the town you both shared was a burden he’d endured, happy to rid of it at his earliest convenience. 

You frowned, keeping your gaze to the ground as you continued onward. “You don’t like it here?” you mumbled. 

Severus snapped his attention towards you, your shriveled voice burning his ears. He’d upset you at the mention of moving away. Did you prefer living amongst muggles? Would that cause a problem between you after graduation? Would he have to pick between you and the wizarding world?

“It’s-It’s just that I prefer the wizarding world. Besides, my mother gave up a lot when she decided to live here. It would be nice if she regained some of what she lost”

“I know,” you replied, your eyes meeting his as you continued, “Still I’m glad she did. Otherwise I may have never met you.”

Severus chuckled as you made your way back to the crosswalk, heading back to the shop. 

“Speaking of…” his gaze returned to the ground as he spoke, “She asked to have you over for dinner tonight.”

“She what?” your head shot in his direction and you watched as he uncomfortably shifted in his spot. Sure you’d been dating for a few months now and he’d spoken about his parents each time you’d asked, but you never imagined having to meet them so soon. 

“You don’t have to come” he quickly added as if he’d almost forgotten to take on an escape route to the trap he’d set. But watching him slouch a little lower than usual, you got the distinct impression he’d been forced to extend the invitation he offered. 

That house was nothing to be proud of. Nothing to flaunt, nothing to show any respectable guest. He’d thought his ears had betrayed him this morning when he heard the words stumble from his mother’s lips as she handed him the lunch she’d unexpectedly prepared. It was odd enough seeing her take out her wand to cook but to actually ask him to bring you over for dinner. It was a request he still could not wrap his brain around. What did she care who he dated? 

Better yet, how could she think he’d want to bring you to a house with nothing but bad energy surrounding it. Spinner’s End wasn’t a place locals like you would want to wander down, let alone enter a house located in the area. He didn’t want the impression of a poor neglected and abused boy etched into your brain when you saw him. He wanted to keep your view of him subjected to what you saw of him at Hogwarts; the intelligent, dedicated and loving boyfriend you’d come to accept into your life. 

“No, of course I’ll come. I’d be happy to.” Severus watched as your voice dropped, your hands brushing the worn jeans you wore, your eyes speaking words of worry and discontent. “It’s just.. Unexpected is all,” you said as you turned the corner after crossing the street, the entrance to the shop now in your line of sight. “Do you think we could pass by my place first before we head over to yours?” 

“You don’t have to worry about impressing her, you look fine,” he said, deducing your concern came from the impressionable outfit you seemed to prefer wearing when working at the bookshop.

“Can I change anyways?” you pleaded, hoping that a change of clothing would help ease the nerves prickling your skin. 

“Of course,” he shot you a reassuring smile as he held the door open for you. 

Greeting Mr.Davis, you both made your way back to the backroom to retrieve your nametags before heading back to work. Severus’ home situation went straight over your head as your thoughts filled with what you could possibly say to his mother when you met. Should you thank her for today’s lunch or was that too obviously nice? What would she think if you showed up in a knee length dress? You’d neglected to wash your hair today, would she be disappointed in your lack of grooming? 

Your thoughts swam as you tried to resume your work. But bringing your mind back into focus was surely one task you wouldn’t be able to accomplish. No spell to help you deal with your rising anxiety. You couldn’t even talk to Severus about how you felt. Watching his disappointment at the mention of you meeting his mother was hard enough, you couldn’t bear to see the reaction you’d get if you told him you were dreadfully nervous to meet his mother. 

With a deep breath you turned your attention back to the corner you’d placed yourself in, organizing books as Severus left the room. Peering over the titles of each book, you discreetly pulled out your wand and watched the books you wished to pull fly out of their respective locations and gently land at your feet before you took a seat and began rummaging through them. At least this bloody task would help provide some distraction as you did all you could to push the thought of tonight’s upcoming events away and went back to work.


	25. Smiles and Gobstones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You head home to change before heading over to Spinner’s End with Severus to meet his mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was inspired by a suggestion made on tumblr by anon. I hope you like it and happy holidays everyone 😊

Kneeling down, you opened your Hogwarts trunk searching for that polka doted green and black dress you thought you’d already unpacked. A rise of panic settled itself into your chest as you reached the bottom of your trunk. Tossing its contents one more time, you shoved it forward and peered behind it before searching through the top shelf of your dresser. 

“What’s wrong with the dresses on your bed?” Severus leaned against the closed door of your room, arms crossed as he watched you rip your closet apart. You’d been on edge ever since lunch and it was clear to him now that you were still worried about meeting his mother. It was bad enough you’d grilled him with questions on your way over here, but watching you throwing around clothing left and right had to take the cake. How does she dress? What will she expect? Is she traditional? Does she conform to muggle standards? He didn’t even know the answers to half your questions and had no idea what to say to help ease your nerves. 

“I know it’s here somewhere,” you whispered into the void of your closet. Severus could barely hear you, but you still caught him in your peripherals, rolling his eyes as he shifted in his place. 

“Ah ha! Found it,” you exclaimed with a sigh of relief, unfolding the dress as your eyes examined it, but the more you looked at it, the more you wished you hadn’t even bothered buying it in the first place. You shrugged as you turned around and subconsciously threw it on your bed in defeat. 

You were about to turn your attention back to your closet to look for something else to wear when the mess on your bed caught your eye. Staring at it, you realized you’d pulled every dress out of your closet and rejected every single one. So what would you wear? You surely couldn’t meet his mother in these old worn out clothing you had on, no your best option was a dress. Even if you were to find a nice enough shirt, none of your trousers were adequate enough to make a good first impression. 

Hands on your hips, your eyes went over each dress laid out before you, trying to find one you thought would say ‘I’m approachable and kind but strong and defined’.

“Just pick one already.” You snapped your head in Severus’ direction, his patients clearly running out. You had no idea how long you’d been rummaging through your closet for, but you knew however long it was, the time probably went half as fast for him. 

“What do you think I should wear?” you asked, hoping for a bit of insight since it was his mother you were trying to make a good impression on. 

“It won’t matter, just pick one and put it on so we can get going.” He gestured to your bed before eyeing the clock that hung on the adjacent wall. It was already five o’clock and he’d told his mother to expect them back by five-thirty. At this rate, he’d be lucky if you made it to his house sometime before the sun set. 

“Well if you helped me pick one, this would go a lot quicker.” You hadn’t felt this stressed since you’d taken your O.W.Ls. How absolutely _adoring_ were the things this boy does to you. “Okay fine, here,” you picked up two of your favorite dresses, ones you’d been saving to wear for a special occasion and held them up by their hangers for him to see. “Which one of these do you prefer”

Severus smirked as he eyed the soft yellow and deep blue dresses you held in your hands, imagining how well they would hug your figure, perfectly displaying the natural curve of your body. “The blue one,” he said after a mere short moment of thought. 

You stared at him in awe of his quick reaction and wondered whether his answer was genuine or if he simply picked one to help speed things along. Meeting his gaze, you couldn’t help but smile when you saw the little twinkle in his eyes that only made itself apparent when he was over joyous. 

“See, that wasn’t so hard was it,” you flaunted as you turned to your closet and put away the yellow dress you had in your right hand, hanging the blue one on the hook of the dresser door. Adjusting the door, you hid behind it as you began undressing, unhooked the dress from its hanger and slipped it on. Shifting to the other side of the closet door, you ran your fingers down the fabric of your dress as you peered into the floor length mirror. 

Your gaze finally rose to your face, and you suddenly became very aware of your messy hair. You hadn’t looked at it since this morning and you always had it up when you worked, hating to have it in the way. Your brows furrowed in nervousness as you reached up to pull on the elastic holding your hair together and take down your ponytail. 

Your hair had stiffened from being up for so long, hanging in an even worse condition than you’d began with. You quickly began fluffing it out in an attempt to loosen the strands and force it to look somewhat acceptably presentable. 

Severus eyed you from behind, admiring your frantic tactics as you wrestled your hair. He knew you’d look good in whatever you picked, but that dress truly did hug you in all the right places, the fabric complimenting your skin tone. The subtle detailing extenuating just how special you are. His eyes sinfully roamed your body before he caught your gaze in the mirror, your hands slowly removing themselves from your hair as a smile crept onto your face. 

He smiled back as he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around your waist without breaking his gaze. “You look beautiful,” he whispered as he rested his chin on your shoulder.

Your grin grew like a little girl who’d just been handed her favorite sweet. Leaning into his hold, you revealed in his touch as he pressed his lips to your shoulder. “Thank you,” you whispered back, admiring how his arms lovingly wrapped themselves around you in the mirror. 

You both took a moment, holding each other in serenity, neither of you daring to move. These last few months had you really depending on his touch for comfort. You relied on his hold, his lips praising you, his hands caring for you. You only hoped you would never have to learn to adapt without him.

Closing your eyes, you let out a long breath as you felt your anxiety melt away. You hadn’t realized just how badly you needed this little moment until he’d wrapped his arms around you. How was it he always seemed to know what you needed at just the right time. 

“So…” you said, hating yourself for shattering such a lovely moment, “will you help me put away all that?” you nudged towards the mess on your bed. 

Severus buried his face in the crook of your neck as he let out a soft groan in protest. His grip on you tightened and you felt yourself being pushed back into his chest. Your grin only grew wider as leveled yourself, placing one foot a step back between him, your head leaning back, wanting nothing more than for him to keep his holding you. 

“Fine,” he finally said as he lifted his head and let his arms slowly fall to the side. “But only because I love you.”

You let out a soft giggle as you turned to face him and pull his collar towards you, capturing his lips for a quick kiss of gratitude before you both reached for the clothing on your bed, putting it away, one dress at a time. 

Time flew by as you followed Severus off the bus, looking around to find you’d ended up in the middle of nowhere, but you trusted him. Even after you’d motioned to get off the bus when the stop a few minutes’ walk from the park near his house arrived, he’d pulled you back down and told you he knew a short cut. 

But looking around now, all you could see was an endless road your bus disappeared down, a long stretch of an abandoned construction sight behind you with what you assumed were the only living trees left in the city on the other side of the road. 

Interrupting your thoughts, you felt Severus grab your hand and walking towards the road, stopping at the curve. There were no crosswalks to be found, so you assumed he’d crossed like this many times before and as you arrived on the other side of the road, a dirt path making itself apparent between the trees, you got the impression he wasn’t the only one who’d opted to take this path to Spinner’s End. 

The miniature forest you’d walked through was rather shallow and it wasn’t long before you found yourself stepping onto Spinner’s End. You were here so fast you’d completely forgotten to run through the few opening lines you’d come up with when meeting his mother. Your heart beat faster with every step you took, your palms warming in nervousness as you took a few deep breaths, keeping your eyes low in fear of arriving at his doorstep too soon. 

“Relax,” Severus said as he led you to the last house on the street to your right. “You don’t need to be nervous.”

“What if she doesn’t like me,’ you whispered. Severus smirked, looking into the puppy-dog eyes you gave him. He knew you were genuinely concerned about meeting his mother, but he couldn’t help but find it rather adoring than concerning. The way you looked at him with those big soft eyes of yours, your lips ever so slightly curving into a frown, your brows furrowed, your hand warming under his, tightening your grip as if hanging on for dear life.

“Her opinion won’t change how I feel about you, love,” he said as he quickly reached over with his free hand to tug on the chain around your neck. Your locket popped out from under your dress and landed in his hand. You looked down just in time to watch his name fade, replaced by your own. 

You let out a soft giggle as you reached for it, Severus letting go, happy to see he’d managed to bring a smile on your face. You quickly tucked the locket under your dress just as you arrived at his front door, wearing the largest grim you’d worn all day.

Severus let you go and stepped forward as he reached into his pocket for his key to unlock the door. He swung it open and stepped through, waiting for you to follow. You walked over that last step to the entrance and walked into a rather quaint looking sitting area. There was a fireplace to your right, surrounded by a simple armchair and a couch. The rest of the space felt rather empty, the walls bare where you’d imagined pictures would have hung if his family had any inclinations for such things and right away you’d noticed no dining table was present. 

It wasn’t much, but it was rather cozy. Severus closed the door behind you and you suddenly felt rather conscious of your presence in an unknown home. His mother was nowhere to be found which you found a bit odd. Surely the sound of the open door would have alerted her to your presence and you’d for some reason, imagined she’d come running, eager to meet the girl her son had been dating. Though now that you were here, realizing the lack of evidence that Severus actually lived here, you weren’t sure why you were so surprised. He’d told you she’d never been attentive, never once asking about him or given him any emotional support so you had no reason to think she’d suddenly changed overnight. 

“Take a seat and I’ll bring us some tea.” Severus gestured towards the couch as he made his way to the door, leading to what you assumed was the rest of the house, across from you. “Have any preference?” he asked just as he placed his hand over the doorknob. 

You shook your head as you cautiously took a seat, running your hands along the back of your thighs to push your dress forward as you sat. “Whatever you’re having is fine.”

You watched as Severus disappeared behind the door, leaving you alone to the estranged sitting room. It was odd to be placed somewhere you’d never once been told about or prepared for. You felt guilty for wanting to have a look around, to get familiar with your surroundings but even more so, find any indication that told you this is where Severus belonged. You’d been rather underwhelmed so far, unable to imagine him living in a place holding no apparent value for him. Of Course, you hadn’t exactly expected to find Slytherin banners hanging from the ceiling, or books scattered across the floor, but at least a picture, just one would have been nice to see.

You turned your attention to the back of the room and suddenly noticed a small antique oak cabinet standing beside a half filled bookcase that appeared to have been sitting there for centuries, and if it wasn’t for the lack of dust, you would have said it had never been touched. Looking back to the door on your left, you wondered whether you should wait for Severus to return and ask what the cabinet held or if anyone would barge into the room and find you snooping if you were to head over right now and quickly rummage through its belongings.

Curiosity winning over courtesy, you found your feet carrying you off the couch and over to the mysterious cabinet. Your fingers grazed over the delicate wooden frame of its drawers, the detailing crisp and concise. Hastily reaching for one of the knobs you gave it a tug before someone came bursting through those doors and caught you red handed. Locked. Figures. Kneeling down you grabbed hold of both knobs standing side by side and gave those a tug as well. Nothing. Surely they didn’t have anything so valuable that would need such protection, not after everything Severus had told you about his family, not to mention the fact they lived on Spinner’s End; a street known for its cheap housing. 

With a breath of disappointment, you made your way back over to the couch, sitting down just in time as Severus reentered the room, two teacups levitating around him. You smiled as you watched him settle them on the table in front of the unlit fireplace before taking a seat beside you. He’d use any excuse to use magic now that he was of age.

“Earl Grey was all we had left.” he said, sliding your cup towards you and picked up his own. You gave him a small smile in appreciation, watching him stir the steaming tea. 

“That’s fine,” you said, picking up the two sugar cubes Severus had placed on the saucer and dissolving them in your tea. “Thank you.”

You picked up your cup and continued to stir as you blew over the tea. 

He couldn’t lie, of course he’d hesitated to have you over, but he had to admit, it was rather nice sitting in this dreadful sitting room having tea in your company. You made living in this house almost bearable and he silently wished you’d stay to keep him company more often. He only hoped the evening would go over without a hitch and leave you loving him just as much as when you’d stepped over the threshold of the broken home of the Snape family.

“Sev, can I ask you a question?” he turned his attention to you as he gently lowered his cup.

“Of course.”

“That cabinet back there,” you pointed behind you, “what’s in it?” you hesitantly asked, hoping you weren’t pressing on a sensitive subject. But you couldn’t help it. That cabinet looked out of place, like someone in this house cared deeply for the contents it held. Severus parted his lips, and you readied yourself for the story you knew something that old held, one you didn’t think you’d ever get the chance to hear as the doors swung open once again and out stepped that same slim figure of a woman you’d seen twice before at King’s Crossing.

Immediately, your hands went to free themselves, placing your tea cup back on its saucer on the table as you watched her stand beside the couch next to Severus. You could tell she was young, but her heavy black eyes aged her quite a bit. Her soul had grown old while her body remained young. Her hair as slick and dark as Severus’, hung carelessly around her head, stopped a few inches below her shoulders. You could feel the familiar sensation of thick greasy strands under your fingertips just from looking at her. 

The resemblance was quite hard to miss. Severus was almost the spitting image of his mother from the hair, to the eyes, to the way his lips would twitch in the most subtle grin just like hers. The most evident difference had to be his hooked nose. Hers was much smaller, much more narrow, though it didn’t really help improve her overall appearance. She in fact, reminded you of the classic depictions of what Muggles assumed witches looked like. 

“Mum, this is (Y/N),” said Severus, putting little to no effort at introducing you. He simply sat there holding his tea as he addressed her.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” you said, quickly jumping to your feet, stretching your hand as a polite gesture of introduction. 

You stood there nervously as she eyed your hand before cautiously sliding her lean slim fingers into your palm. Her hands were rough, like she’d done nothing but hand-on shores her entire life. Her grip was quite loose, and you feared when she quickly retreated her hand without so much of a grip or shake, she shared no interest in meeting you. 

“Dinner’s ready,” she simply stated to both of you before turning on her heels and making her way back through the door from which she’d emerged.

But she’d been the one who’d asked Severus to have you for dinner, surely she had some inclined interest in getting to know you. You nervously turned your attention to Severus who’d stood up and reached to place his own cup on its saucer and carry it as he made his way around the couch. He waited for you to follow his lead, picking up your own tea before he silently opened the door and lead you through the corridor. 

Immediately, your eyes shot to the stairs facing you as you passed through the door. Severus however averted heading to the second floor and instead turned to head through another door on the adjacent right wall. You were met with a rather brightly lit kitchen, coupled with a small round table, three seats encircling it, shoved off to the side of the room as you followed Severus. 

His mother was in the middle of setting the table and you wondered whether she preferred to do such a thing by hand or if she’d simply gotten used to doing so without magic for the sake of her Muggle husband. Either way, you were not one to judge as a guest in her home. 

You sat beside Severus and set your tea aside as you watched Eileen carry a tray with what appeared to be roasted chicken and baked potatoes. Little was said as the food was passed around and though you couldn’t get the impression she thought your presence an inconvenience for her out of your head, you were at least glad she’d begun warming up to the situation. 

Her questions were quite short, whether directed towards you or Severus and dinner, though started off rather rigid, ended with a pleasant conversation of Eileen’s experience in the wizarding world. You’d initially thought you’d brought up the wrong topic when asking about her Potions career as she shot Severus quite a nasty look, but the more you’d encourage her to speak, the happier she seemed to be to share her past accomplishments with someone other than her son. 

“I presume Potions was your best subject at Hogwarts?” you asked, helping her clear the table as you took Severus’ plate and stacked it with yours before reaching for Eileen’s plate as well. 

“Amongst other things yes,” she replied, putting away the leftovers in the fridge. You placed the dishes in the sink and turned your attention back to her, watching the curious look in her eyes quickly dissolve into unsettlement. When you turned around to look where her eyes went, you found that Severus had whipped out his wand to charm the dishes. You always loved magic. It was a blessing, a gift. The day you’d found out you were a witch was the best day of your life. It changed everything, from how you valued yourself to your interests. And when you met Severus, you finally felt like you had someone in your life to be proud of your magical abilities, so it broke your heart to see his mother flinch in such a way when he displayed his own talents so evidently. 

“Tell me.” Eileen’s voice brought your attention back to her, “Do you partake in any activities outside of your classes?” she asked.

“I play Quidditch.”

You’d never seen silence fall so quickly before. Three simple words caused the ambience to change, now gloomy around you as you watched the small glimmer of a smile on Eileen’s face disappear, a sour expression replacing it instead. Was she expecting an answer of another kind? Did she despise the sport?

Severus quickly put away his wand and placed himself beside you as he intervened. “Mother was the President of the Gobstones club during her final years at Hogwarts,” he explained. 

Everything had gone so well. You hadn’t made a single comment or gave any look of disgust when stepping foot into the house. His mother had been, to some extent, attentive and even began conversing with you. It wasn’t your fault. You had no idea the history behind the popularity of Quidditch, the players of the game demining those like his mother who ‘couldn’t grow up and play a real sport’, viewing her as less than themselves. 

“Gobstones?” you asked curiously.

“It’s a game of tactics, similar to the muggle game Marbles,” Severus replied, placing a hand on your back to encourage you to make your way back to the sitting room, his mother not far behind. 

Eileen scoffed at her son’s oversimplification. “Care to go for a round? I can show you how to play,” she said, her tone rather uninviting.

For all intents and purposes, your brain told you the only correct response to that question is ‘yes’. But that little glimmer in her eyes, her mischievous grin returning to her face, told you to run for the hills. If she was the President of the Gobstones Club during her time at Hogwarts, she must have been good at it, meaning you’d no doubt lose, though you had no idea why she was so eager to play a game with someone unable to challenge her talents. 

Severus sighed as his shoulders dropped. He knew where this was going, and it was nowhere good. Still he said nothing when you shot him a quick glance and instead shifted uncomfortably, letting out a huff of annoyance. 

“Sure,” you replied hesitantly. 

Eileen walked over to the whimsical looking bookshelf in the far-left corner and stood on her toes, blindly letting her hand search the top of it. She very quickly found what she was looking for and let her feet lower her back to the ground, revealing a rather short black shriveled wand, clearly unused for quite some time. 

She then stepped forward and crouched in front of the oak cabinet and wove her wand. The left door on the bottom shook but remained shut. Suddenly you heard the sound of something heavy crash behind you. You turned around to see Severus pointing his own wand at the furniture that now attached itself to the walls of the house, leaving the floor completely bare. 

Your curiosity peaked, forcing you to bite your tongue, keeping from asking why such a game would require so much room as Severus walked back over to you. He appeared nervous as he took your hand and quickly pressed his lips to your knuckles as if silently apologizing for a mistake you had yet to discover. 

The loud crack coming from the cabinet door Eileen was crouched beside opening had you spinning your attention back to her. You watched as she removed a small bag and quickly closed the cabinet door before joining you in the center of the room. 

She first removed a cloth which Severus took from her, laying it out on the floor. As predicted, a circle appearing to be about three feet wide was laid out on the cloth. Eileen then dumped the remaining contents of the pouch near the center of the circle. What looked to be a little more than two dozen round marble shaped stones scattered with two apparently larger ones contrasting in size and colour. Severus levitated the darker, more bronze looking one towards him while Eileen did the same with the bright golden one. 

“I’ll play with you,” spoke Severus, “And this is our colour,” he gestured to the stone in his hand, which you grasped before you glanced over to the circle, counting fifteen of the same stone in miniature form. It felt heavier than a classic marble, like it was made of metal and as you looked back to see Eileen’s marbles, you began to wonder if they were truly made of gold. 

“We’ll play the basic version of the game,” said Eileen.

“So our goal is to capture all of her stones before she does,” finished Severus. 

You nodded your head in understanding and watched as Severus took the stone from you and made the first move, flicking it into the couple of brightly coloured golden stones belonging to his mother. Nothing passed the barrier that encircled the stones until Eileen’s second move where she impressively knocked out two of your stones at once. It was no surprise to see her triumph so early in the game, even if she was out of practice, you were sure she’d get back into her rhythm rather quickly. What you hadn’t expected however was the foul-smelling liquid that squirted out of the two stones that had escaped the circle, aimed directly at your face as well as Severus’. 

So it wasn’t exactly like marbles and neither had you expected it to be. Though a warning would have been nice. The game continued on and you finally began to get the hang of it, using the aim you had developed as a chaser to help capture a few of her stones. Naturally, the small skill you’d gained wasn’t enough to beat Eileen, though it didn’t matter to you who’d won. You were only glad to see her smile and accept you. 

“Thank you for dinner and for inviting me into your home,” you said politely, outstretching your hand once more as Severus lazily flicked his wand, cleaning up the mess you’d all made before returning the furniture where it belonged.

She took your hand and gave it a light shake this time, accompanied by a small smile in acknowledgment. She said nothing as she shot one last look at her son before heading back through the door leading to the stairwell and kitchen. 

Severus immediately went to open the door, waiting for you to step outside before he followed, closing the door behind him. 

“I’m sorry she got so carried away,” he said apologetically, reaching to swipe his thumb along your damp hairline before tucking your hair behind your ear. “She’s just proud is all.”

You smiled, stepping forward to wrap your arms around his neck. “It’s okay. I understand,” you whispered. You could respect a competitive spirit and she was quite delightful when you’d got her talking during dinner, so you had to give her some credit for her hospitality. 

“Do you want me to walk you home?” he asked softly.

“It’s alright, I’ll just apparate. It’s dark enough so no one will see.”

You hadn’t realized just how much the day had gotten away from you and you had to admit, despite Eileen’s clear intention to prove something, you still had quite a bit of fun playing Gobstones. 

Severus nodded before closing his eyes and nudging to capture your lips. What initially was meant as a quick goodbye kiss turned into much longer need of desperate touch, your fingers entangled in his hair, his arms pressing your stomach into him. Your bodies molded with one another as Severus put all his appreciating for you into this one simple kiss. 

“I love you,” he whispered as you parted, lips lingering over one another.

“I love you too,” you replied, feeling absolutely no inclination to move a single muscle. You’d stay here forever, rotting in the faint odder you and Severus had yet to completely remove from your person if you could. 

You both stood there for quite a while before you reluctantly opened your eyes and lifted your head, Severus doing the same as you felt his grip on you loosen. You stepped away from him, running your fingers all along his arms before meeting with his palms. He let you slip through his fingers and stood there, watching as you gathered yourself before spinning on the spot, disappearing into thin air, leaving behind nothing but the echo of a loud crack. 


End file.
